June 28, 2008

wants and needs

I want
to sit
in your lap
and feel your heart pound
as you talk about your dreams
I want
to lay
on the ground
with our heads side by side
to see if what you see in the clouds
is what I see
I want
to dance
with you under the moon light
to see if our
move in the same direction
I want
to stand
with our backs together
to see if you know what
I'm thinking
if you can't see my face
I want
to talk
about life
for so many hours
that the only thing
that stops us
is sleep
I want
to hold
you so tightly that
we lose sight of where
you start
and I stop
I want
my wants
to be what you

June 25, 2008

tears and sadness

I wasn't sure if I wanted to write about this
to share it
cry about it again
but I can see
my mind won't ever let it go
and then
I decided that maybe letting the words
and feelings spill out of me
would soothe my soul
at least
a little
10 days ago
a friend
someone who I knew
while we lived in Indiana
took her own life
she wasn't my best friend
I didn't see her everyday
she never ate a meal at my house
she was part of our group
our group
of friends
where we were the stay at home moms
who belonged to women's club
and went to parties
she was a mom
who devoted herself to her children
a loving wife
a daughter
and a friend
and then one day
for reasons no one will ever know
she decided
that her life
just wasn't worth living anymore
my thoughts and prayers
are with her husband and children
we all try to understand
the sadness of it all
and the fact that
a hole
has been made
in the cover
we call life

June 24, 2008

what you don't see.... or.... maybe you do

sometimes I'm really protective of my heart
but most often
I wear it on my sleeve
where it can be....
tugged at
stomped on
maybe keeping my heart out there for all the world to see
isn't really even seen
the way I think it is
maybe it causes me to have expectaions
that aren't realistic
maybe it makes me too vulnerable
maybe it makes me too sensitive
maybe wearing my heart on my sleeve
prevents me from growing into my dreams
or maybe
just maybe
it's everything
that makes me

June 23, 2008

where the heart is......

By now I think you all know how much I love our cottage.
We were just there on what we called "a real vacation" as it's the first time
that we've been there for more than just a few days...
this time, 11 whole days !
But honestly, even when we can only spend a weekend there
it still feels like a vacation.
we were blessed to have the wonderful Bill and Kathy,
come visit us.
Now granted, we have had many visitors
and many compliments,
but what Kathy wrote after they had visited....
well, I just had to share it with all of you.
{and she said I could}

Hi Beth,
A great big thank you to you and John for having us. We are still talking about you two.... seriously...
We don't see many homes or cottages that we are "nuts" about, but your place literally has been a gift to visit. Everything is perfect, and I mean PERFECT with thoughtful attention to detail. I am incredibly sensitive to aesthetics and I loved what you and John have created. I told Bill, when we were driving in, that I could feel the energy of the land. You two have a magical and loved land... it is obvious, a harmonious relationship you and John have established.
Kathy and Bill
{seriously, how beautiful is that ??}

June 21, 2008

wandering thoughts

we search and search
for the answers
to the questions
that fill our minds
but do we
ever really find the answers
that we're looking for
or are we just left
with new
questions ?
I've been on vacation now for 10 days
and it's been filled with love, chocolate, a great book and lots of music
So that you can share a little part of my vacation with me,
here's an artist I love.
Oh, and the chocolate....twix bars....everyday.
And the book...."the pact" by jodi piccoult.
Oops....and the love....well I do have to have some secrets !!

June 19, 2008

maybe when "I" means "all of us"...

maybe instead of thinking something is funny
I should be concerned
maybe instead of talking so much
I should be listening
maybe instead of thinking that I know what your life is about
I should be working on getting to you know you better
maybe instead of taking you for granted
I should be more thankful for everyday with you
maybe instead of assuming you are okay
I should be asking
maybe instead of thinking my problems are the most important
I should be helping you with yours
maybe instead of only seeing what I think is important
I should be concerned about your thoughts, too
maybe instead of always being right
I should be okay with being wrong
maybe instead of going at a speed too fast for most
I should slow down and wait
maybe instead of saying something that might hurt your feelings
I should be quiet and just enjoy your company
maybe instead of thinking and worrying that I'm doing some things wrong
I should realize that I have done some things right
All of us are in some kind of a relationship, many of them long term, where maybe we catch ourselves not being quite as wonderful as we were at the beginning.
Or trying as hard.
relationships are hard.
It's easy to take them all for granted.
Whether you are a spouse, a friend, a child, a co-worker, a parent, an in-law or a sibling,
you're in a relationship,
and relationships take time and work,
no matter what.
And as I wrote this,
not even sure what prompted it,
and I thought about the relationships I have,
the relationships I live with everyday,
I decided that I've been blessed...
really blessed,
with each and everyone I have
and to take any of them for granted,
without working on them every now and then
is like buying a plant
and never watering it.
So from now on
I'm going to keep my watering can
close at hand.

June 15, 2008

he'a a junior counselor at camp ....AND

this is what he looks like...
along with his senior counselor and one of
the dirt biking campers.

All cleaned up, he's now performing on stage....
and if I know him like I think I do,
I'm sure there was some
dancing involved.
I'll have to ask him when he gets home
what the stick was used for...
or is that pool cue ???
And as I sit here at the cottage
getting to view
the camp online photo album,
I'm thrilled to know that indeed,
he's a happy kid...
no longer the camper
that he's been for the last 7 years,
being a role model...
someone the campers look up to.
And I hope that at least one little boy
will go home and tell his parents
"I want to be just like my counselor someday"

Happy Father's Day

To the man who makes me laugh every day without fail
and helps make all my dreams come true....
who isn't afraid to tackle anything

and who has brought into this world
two children
who would not be the wonderful young adults they are
without his guidance
and love.
Happy Father's Day
YOU'RE the BEST !!!
{sorry for the photos that are two years old...
but they told the best story...}

June 13, 2008

holding on....letting go

I try to let go
of what I don't need,
but some things in life
must be squeezed onto
ever so tightly.
I'm learning
that holding onto "things" is not healthy
and I've actually gotten better
over the last few years...
enough so to even surprise myself.
I have boxes
of "things" that are packed
and ready
for a summer garage sale
and surprisingly,
I don't have
any bad or sad feelings
that my "things"
will go away, never to been seen again...
I'm learning.
I have too many
bags and purses filling my closet...
probably over the amount that is considered healthy by some
but slowly, one by one
I'm letting these go, too.
I'm learning.
What I do hold onto though
and find impossible to
let go of...
are my
wonderful, sweet, filling, lively, eye opening
These I cherish...each and everyone of them...
the good, the bad, the right, the wrong
I hold onto all of them,
as they are mine
only mine.
although my dreams and thoughts and ideas
aren't "things"
the weight of them is
and they are something I'm willing
to carry with me
everyday of my life.
I'm learning

June 11, 2008

when you're not looking.....

This is a spider bite.
3 days old...
When I went to the doctor
she said,
"yep" that's a spider bite...
~red at the bite site
~with a white bullseye around it
~and a red ring around that
and now I'm suffering having to take
horse sized antibiotics for 10 days
This morning our son left for camp
on a 6AM flight
headed to Indiana
Needless to say
we were all up very early
and the sun
was beautiful.
I stepped outside with Sophie
and this is what greeted me.
and then this shadow
welcomed me into my office.

June 9, 2008

baffled this weekend at our cottage

mask or no mask~I know who you are !
and boy do I see you !!!

I'm in my early forties
and I'm thrilled that I've made it this far.
My life has been pretty easy
so I can't complain.
I have love...lots of love
roofs over my head
a studio to play in
a hubby who fills my heart, makes me laugh and spoils me rotten
kids who "get me"
what I don't have
is a way
to keep these furry
little punks
out of my birdfeeders.
they're cute.
I mean really,
look at those feet.
And the fact that they think
the animal baffle
we put up to keep them away
is a very convenient stool in which to sit on.
So I'm begging you
all of you
help me
how to I keep the raccoons away from the feeders ??

June 7, 2008

it really did

The heavy blanket of winter
that sucked so much life out me has finally left.
It's sad to think that it's taken this long,
but it has and it did
and now I have a fresh start,
The air around me today is humid
slightly sticky
and oh so warm
and I wouldn't want it any other way.
The strong winds are blowing
my hair everywhere,
but it's freeing up my
my thoughts
and sending them to happy places
and I feel alive again.
Summer is an amazing adventure.
It's not long enough,
it's never long enough
and the thought of that saddens my soul,
I will go outside today
soak in all the warmth this body can hold
and live in the moment.
Want to join me ?

June 4, 2008

kinda like this

I look like this sometimes,
even if you don't see it.
The days
where I can't
seem to catch my breath.
The days
where I feel like
I'm suffocating.
The days
where I'm
swimming in circles.
The days
where I'm
I've had a few too many of those days lately....
but today
my internet repair man
showed up
and got me up and running
and once again
big, deep blog breaths
I'm a geek
who loves
her computer.

June 2, 2008

monday~note to self

If we threw all of our problems
into a huge pile
and saw
the problems
that everyone else had thrown in...
we'd grab
ours back