a rambling post

"indeed, i have long since come to know that nature feeds a woman's soul. it rarely gives direct answers, but it always nourishes, soothes and waters the spirit, so that eventually growth occurs."

thomas merton

• i'm still loving editing my photos with a vsco look. i may tire of it at some point and go back to wanting or needing the look of truly crisp photos, but for now the vintage, darker film look is  simply making me happy.
• the blacklist has returned and monday night's episode was amazing.
• american idol started last night and i have always loved harry, but now i love him even more.
• the gap is having some amazing sales…just saying.
• i wore my tiny heeled boots the other day and even being tiny heeled my feet were all like "what is this?" i think my uggs and tennis shoes have spoiled my feet.
• we make a lot of smoothies for breakfast. our favorite addition is kale and now we're adding sweet potatoes to them, too. yum.
• some of you know i wear the "up" band to track my steps and sleeping. the other day, i walked more than 7 miles. i know, you're impressed. snort.

starting over, starting today...

one day

a long time from now

you'll cease to care anymore about whom you please

or

what anybody says about you

~

that's when you'll do your best work

j.d. salinger

::

i couldn't help but feel a little pinch when i first read this quote. when i turned 40 i bragged about not giving a damn anymore about what others say or think about me. that it was time for me to do anything i wanted without feeling hurt if someone else questioned it or couldn't understand it. and somedays that's exactly how it is.

but

every so often there's still that self doubt rearing it's ugly head

~

did i do something wrong. did i say something wrong. did i write something wrong.

are my ideas that spew out of my mouth daily

just crazy talk. do i talk too much. do i not pay enough attention to the things i should.

am i selfish. and if i am is that bad.

do i not listen enough. am i too controlling. and if i am is that wrong.

~

and

then throw in my photography. where i question the photos that didn't sell in the shop i had them in. where i wonder if i really have any talent at all when i compare myself to other photographer bloggers. should i even call myself a photographer when i seem to choke on that word so easily when someone asks me what i do.

~

why is it that we. we as in women. seem to do this self questioning. self doubting. so easily.

why do we care so much about what others think of us.

~

well. i'm tired of it.

and

after reading the words above and letting them sink heavily into my heart

well

all i know is that i don't want to wait a long time to do my best work. i want to do it now.

~

kind of exciting when you think about it. isn't it.

care to join me

::

kind of makes you glad you got out of bed.....

A Community Service Reminder from the Universe:

Buffy, your gifts are innumerable; your depth is incalculable; your presence is unforgettable.
Your touch is healing; your style is appealing; your power is mind reeling.
And you are loved and adored on a moment-to-moment basis, more than you can now comprehend.
Just like we planned -
The Universe

too beautiful not to share

Have patience with everything

that remains unsolved in your heart.

Try to love the questions themselves,

like locked rooms

and like books written in a foreign language.

Do not now look for the answers.

They cannot now be given to you

because you could not live them.

It is a question of experiencing everything.

At present you need to live the question.

Perhaps you will gradually,

without even noticing it,

find yourself experiencing the answer,

some distant day.

by: rainer maria rilke