i love paint. the colors. the texture. even the mess it makes. but it doesn't like me. it never really has. so i'm done. i'm done being in a one sided relationship where the emotional ups and downs have finally taken a toll on me.
don't get me wrong. valley ridge and mary beth shaw were wonderful and meeting and spending the weekend with elena filled my weekend perfectly. but i finally learned that doing something that doesn't love me in return is painful. that doing something that i'm not passionate about leaves me feeling empty. and most importantly, i have learned that doing something that doesn't satisfy my heart, hurts.
i'm 45 years old
i'm taking a deep breath
letting my shoulders gracefully fall back to the natural state where they belong
feels as if it's finally looking down one railroad track with a waiting destination
being in the train station
where it's been running around for years wondering
which ticket to buy
which train to get on
who to follow
where to get off
yesterday, after a weekend of classroom time, i needed air and space. so my lover and i took off for "my pond" where the sandhill cranes are nesting
the first baby ducks of the season have been born.
it is there
that my heart is always happy
filled like a balloon on the brink of bursting
being with my camera is the love affair that feels right. where there's no pain or emotional upsets or wasted time or energy
between the two of us
well let's just say that sometimes it's so steamy
that i feel like we're characters in a romance novel with a half dressed man on the front cover
so after 4 years of painting classes, my paints and my apron are being tucked away in a nice little drawer where maybe they'll come out to play if i have a journal page refusing to cooperate unless it can get a bit messy, but that's it.
it's time to finally let some chapters in the book of my life, that never really made any sense in the first place, dry up and fade away.
now excuse me
but my train
finally the right train heading in the right direction
is boarding passengers and
i need to take my seat