knot again...

my thoughts

are rarely deep and dark

instead

they seem good

like well behaved toddlers full of curiosity

~~

but lately

somewhere along the safe path that I have sent them on

they stop to pick up a shiny coin or an acorn

and

while turning around in circles searching for the most brilliant leaf floating above them

they veer off that path and end up in the moist mulch beds

where the branches on the trees grow low and purposely trip those thoughts

until they seem lost

~~

then the birds call out making them look in an even different direction

and

they are blinded by slivers of sun poking them in their eyes

and

before I know it

those well behaved thoughts are twisting and turning

and

starting to become knots

and

wishing they had dropped some breadcrumbs behind them

~~

I stand back watching those thoughts

with my hands on my hips

shouting out

"what are you doing"

?

"I sent you on a wonderful little walk

to explore and grow and bring back friends

and

just look at what you've done to yourselves"

~~

and

they turn and look at me and laugh

reminding me

that they're just little explorers

and

that I've been the one a little knotted lately

not them

and

I shake my head

realizing that they're right

and

they come running back to me

right where they belong

and

together we sit here and write

*

*

right now...

brilliant yellow and burnt umber are screaming from the hillsides

and

robust orange has loudly stomped its way into the dying fields

but

it's the reds of the season

dancing all around me

that have captured my attention this year

~~

they aren't yelling or waving wildly with silly grins on their faces

instead

they are gentle little souls saturated with warmth

*

but

that was a week ago

before

the beating winds

~which cause me to have "pee shiver" chills~

attacked the soft and quiet october

that I had so quietly prayed for

*

so

before

october wields anything else at me

making me feel like I'm in a fencing match with poor fitting body armor

I needed

one more peek

*

and so it rains... {EDITED}

and

rains and rains

and

the wind blows and howls and screeches across the roof

and

around the windows and through the trees

and

I listen

*

today on oprah

please watch this incredible woman

who on a daily basis gives me

and

hundreds of others

inspiration

*

don't be afraid to get close...

the only good thing about early morning frosts

~for a photographer anyway~

is that it tends to stun anything with more than 2 legs

{who am I kidding...early morning frosts stun me too}

anyhow

I kept getting closer and closer to this sweet little guy

~who I swear was looking right at me~

thinking the worst thing that could happen

if I kept moving forward

would be a full out super leap

straight to my forehead

where little sticky grasshopper legs would get caught in my bangs

but nope

he sat perfectly still

on that milkweed pod

~

wishing he was a grasshopper that had been raised down south

*

{click on the largest photo to really see those sticky grasshopper legs}

I don't like being cold...

yesterday was the kind of day where staying inside drinking hot tea

seemed like the only logical thing to do

~~

it was cool and gloomy and every now and then slivers of sun

wearing oversized boxing gloves

came fighting through

only to be slapped back into a corner

confused and bruised as to what just happened

if you're a knitter

it was a great day to finish up that scarf you've been working on

~~

if you're a baker

it was a great day to fill the oven with pies and cakes and cookies

~~

if you're a cook

it was a great day to peel potatoes for the stew you were making in your crock pot

but I am none of those

I'm a photographer

and

as hard as it is for me to say those words when someone asks me what I do

that's what I am

~~

I love my camera

I love photos

I love looking for things to photograph

I love having my camera in my hands

and

I just couldn't sit in the dark gloomy house another minute

so I put on an extra layer

~my first turtleneck of the season~

added

a quilted winter vest

warm fuzzy boots

and

my fingerless gloves

all

while my hubby asked

"what are we doing"

"where are we going"

~~

oh

how I love how he loves and trusts me

lucky for us the apple orchard right down the road

also has pumpkins

and

even though it was cold and tiny spits of rain hung over us

being there

sucking damp cool air into our lungs

watching little kids running around

oblivious to everything

while loving the freedom that acres of fields provided them

I took photos

lots of photos

and

was no longer cold

~~

I have learned that when you do something you absolutely love

with someone you love

cold

is no longer an issue

*

{click on any photo to share in the yumminess of the apple orchard}

my hands are full...

and

lately I feel like I've been doing a really shitty job of juggling

"all the balls"

in my life

~~

have you ever lived your life in such a way

where everything felt pretty easy and a smile stayed glued to the corners of your mouth

even when you were doing the grossest laundry and cleaning up dog puke

and

then all of a sudden you got sucker punched in the gut

so hard with that so called easy life

that in the process of bending over to catch your breath you lost your balance

and

ended up on the floor in a fetal position

and

then decided that a few days or even a few weeks in that position

might not be so bad after all

because if you closed your eyes tight enough with your knees up against you chest

your breathing wasn't as labored as when you first got knocked down

?

please tell me you have

please tell me I'm not alone

*

thinking, wishing, wondering...

misty snapped this photo of me the other day

while we were waiting for our lunch

and

then with her amazing photoshop talent

{almost like watching her paint}

~a little of this and a little of that~

I now have

a photo of myself that I actually love

~~

and

now

I'm sorry

but with the start of october

I need a few days

of

thinking

and

wishing

and

wondering

and

maybe even some leaf pile jumping

and

that'll take some time and patience and understanding and long pants

~~

while I'm away

enjoy the sights of pumpkin patches and the smell of apple pies baking

and

the crisp air that only this month brings

~~

I'll be back soon

I promise

it won't be too long

*