June 1, 2010

is it okay...

is it okay that i don't like who i am today. or how i feel. or that i see a side of me that isn't me. is it okay if that side of me is like a somebody latching onto me who shouldn't even have visitation rights.
is it okay that i want to grab that somebody by her wrists and look deep into her eyes so i can see into her soul and ask who the hell she thinks she is.
is it okay that when she swings her head around avoiding me that i want to slap her cheek until she winces. especially when she gives me a smirk that says "you can't stop me"
~
maybe if i run through the farmer's field
filled with itchy tall blades of grass that feel like lassos around my knees
the blinding sun
will make her cover her eyes and she'll lose sight of me
~
or maybe
i'll realize she's only here to teach me something
~
unfortunately
i've never been a fast learner
so
today
i'm hoping for a miracle
or at least the condensed version
*




39 comments:

  1. Oh, you got us lost in the wheat fields too, playing hide and seek.

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  2. Sure it's okay.. slap her again til she listens. Ooops, would that be abuse? Or, you can just hang out in the tall grass all day.

    DI

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  4. hoping for a miracle with you.
    this too shall pass. sending lots of positive vibes your way.

    p.s. your photos are so endearing.

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  5. your writing is illusive but obvious of a challenge. I wish you the courage and the patience to keep running and the tolerance for the marks the blades of grass may leave.
    BTW, running through the grass definitely sounds like the better option.

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  6. if you catch a glimpse of me running through the field will you throw me a life line? Your words are especially fitting today, in a nebulous sort of way...

    Always a pleasure to read here...

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  7. (((hugs))) my favorite expression...there needs be opposition in all things...or this too shall pass. Sending a ton of love and positive thoughts your way. It must be something in the air right now!

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  8. it is okay -- and she tugs us all. not always a welcomed visitor but a teacher, yes. the key is being open (so much easier to say, i know). sending strength. xx s

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  9. The sunlight is overwhelmingly beautiful in this photo!

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  10. God says in His Word that every hair on your head is numbered

    so if your hair a little untidy now

    - do not worry -

    it's only an angel busy with stock-taking!

    [you matter for Him and for us - pray for you, my cyber friend]

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  11. Keep chasing it. It's worth it! Love the image, too.

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  12. It is always okay to be who you are, have a blessed day....:-) hugs

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  13. It IS okay. You are okay, and this is just one day. You are loved and you are extra good at loving, so it is all okay.
    Love to you, Beautiful Beth.
    (This photos is glorious !)

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  14. It is SO okay...and tomorrow will be a different day and you will be a slightly different somebody and you might even look back on this day, on her, with a tiny bit of fondness, or at least understanding...

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  15. Even on a bad day, you make a beautiful picture -- extraordinary light, gorgeous color -- and write a post that expresses so perfectly the frustration of one of those crummy, no good, completely rotten days that it bypasses thought, hits directly to the heart: both gestures, acts of faith & sustaining connections. This, too, will pass; tomorrow will be a better day.

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  16. Oh -- you've met your shadow self. They always have important (but painful) things to teach us about ourselves.

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  17. We don't always have to like who we are...those days are fine. Let this day run it's course. Tomorrow will be better. xoxo

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  18. Maybe she WAS there to teach you something. I hope the old you returns soon! And yeah, it's totally ok. We all go through this!

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  20. so who's talking here, you or HER?? I like you, but the jury's still out on HER! ;-)

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  21. I love your photo Beth. Thanks for your travel comments!

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  22. It's okay, totally okay. I've been there with my daughter, and it got so bad we had to kick her out of the house for a week. If it helps, she grew up and out of it. So yes, it's okay.

    xo Erin

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  23. Yep, it's okay. And you're right; you're probably meant to learn something from "her".

    Like Brian Andreas' quote "Most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life."

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  24. thinking of you and sending hugs:)))

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  25. One of those days I see...We all get them...Hope tomorrow is much better:)

    Loved catching up here and thoroughly enjoyed your photos...and your tutorial

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  26. hugs.... to you!!

    xxo, kim

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  27. Yep, it's OK. Love and hugs.

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  28. i share your sentiment. you are uttering the words of my heart a few days past. is it ok? who knows. but there is not other way to feel at that moment. those who us want to slap them are said to be our greatest teachers, but more often than not, i feel that i could've gone without the lesson. i don't have advice. what i can say is that we are emotional beings and no feeling should be repressed. they all have reason. and if you deny them their space you will only add guilt to your make up. and guilt is never pretty and always festers.

    <3

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  29. of course it's okay. or at least i hope so, because i feel that way sometimes too. hugs to you my friend.

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  30. You had me running through the fields and looking for you. Then the hayfever kicked in and I started sneezing. Ha!
    Beautiful photo
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  31. it is ok .. i feel it too some days ...oh THAT smirk..yes

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  32. oh, Lordy, what to do on these days but let them be, tell them to do their worst cause you will still be standing at the end. So stick your tongue out at this day. Blah, tell it. There! Watch me win. Cause you will.

    xoxo
    Debi

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  33. Those are the days I just want to run away.

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  34. it is ok. During times like this I am here holding you. Letting you know how wonderful you are and assuring you that this too will pass. Sometimes not as quickly as we wished. But that is ok as well.

    xoxox

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  35. why does learning stuff have to hurt though,

    I assume this has passed now, Beth, belated hugs anyway.
    because.
    And the photo and the writing is so terrific. Beauty from broken.

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  36. Wonderful to have found your blog today!

    I'm glad for this post, as the pesky girl is visiting me today for the first time in a while. It always seems like I'm the only one, and then I read a poem like yours and I remember I'm not so rare after all. Thanks for the reminder.

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**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth