April 30, 2010

and then i put my heart back in my chest...

when i decided earlier this week
that i wasn't a painter
god
painted a picture for me
and said
"here, this is for you"
"will you photograph it and share it with the world"
~~
of course
with it being god and everything
i did as he asked
and
everything in my world made sense again
to renew anything not feeling right in my life
i walk the pond
and
this heron called to me monday afternoon
as i walked by him a second time
i walked as close to the edge as i could
and
sat down in the dried pond reeds leftover from last year
and
as i got comfortable
he fished
right in front of me
not once
but twice
and
i know for fact
that for a full minute i stopped breathing
and
my sweet hubby waiting on the trail behind me
whispered
"holy crap, did you get that"
~~
i wanted to share this last photo to show you again how this pond truly is in the middle of town
~~
the yellow truck
the orange fish in the heron's mouth
oh
let's just call it
heaven
*

April 28, 2010

why i get nothing done at our cottage....

when dusk is thinking about tucking itself in for the evening
and
i'm standing at the sink washing dishes
my little black masked furry and funny friends
come for dinner
~~
they eat the birdseed scraps that have been left behind
under the raccoon proof
bird buffet
my hubby built

so
when nothing gets done at the cottage
i have someone to blame besides myself
~~
all i have to do is point outside
and
everyone understands
and
i like it like that
~
i was face to face with this coon the other night while elena was staying with me. the first night they were out, they heard me coming out the side door and ran, but the second night this little guy was too busy eating and i snuck right up on him with my camera and he froze...and of course i was completely frozen, too....except for my trigger finger and then we just stared at each other wondering who was going to run away first.
he did.
i won.

April 27, 2010

what i'm not or maybe who i am.....

~kathy~me~elena~mary beth~
~~
i love paint. the colors. the texture. even the mess it makes. but it doesn't like me. it never really has. so i'm done. i'm done being in a one sided relationship where the emotional ups and downs have finally taken a toll on me.
~~
don't get me wrong. valley ridge and mary beth shaw were wonderful and meeting and spending the weekend with elena filled my weekend perfectly. but i finally learned that doing something that doesn't love me in return is painful. that doing something that i'm not passionate about leaves me feeling empty. and most importantly, i have learned that doing something that doesn't satisfy my heart, hurts.
~~
i'm 45 years old
and
finally
i'm taking a deep breath
and
letting my shoulders gracefully fall back to the natural state where they belong
and
my mind
feels as if it's finally looking down one railroad track with a waiting destination
instead
of
being in the train station
where it's been running around for years wondering
which ticket to buy
which train to get on
who to follow
and
where to get off
~~
yesterday, after a weekend of classroom time, i needed air and space. so my lover and i took off for "my pond" where the sandhill cranes are nesting
and
the first baby ducks of the season have been born.
and
it is there
that my heart is always happy
and
filled like a balloon on the brink of bursting
~~
being with my camera is the love affair that feels right. where there's no pain or emotional upsets or wasted time or energy
and
the passion
between the two of us
well let's just say that sometimes it's so steamy
that i feel like we're characters in a romance novel with a half dressed man on the front cover
*
so after 4 years of painting classes, my paints and my apron are being tucked away in a nice little drawer where maybe they'll come out to play if i have a journal page refusing to cooperate unless it can get a bit messy, but that's it.
it's time to finally let some chapters in the book of my life, that never really made any sense in the first place, dry up and fade away.
now excuse me
but my train
finally the right train heading in the right direction
is boarding passengers and
i need to take my seat
*




April 26, 2010

and the winner is.....

number
5
~~
thanks everyone for playing along with me
in my little give away
~
you're all adored more than you'll ever know
~~
this time
it's
walking away as the winner
~~
although maybe i'll be the winner
if she wants to hop on a plane and come visit me
for that promised cup of tea while we laugh at kate
~
granted
kate is no longer dancing
but
we can laugh just as hard at her hair extensions
instead
~~
and
now it's time for me to go sit in my
"don't be so mean"
corner
and
take my
"stop making fun of others"
pill
*

April 25, 2010

just because.....

happy sunday
everyone
~
i'll be back here tomorrow
with a "i'm not a painter" story
and
the winner from my give-away
*

April 23, 2010

where i try to make it as an artist....

i'm playing all weekend
with paint
and
i'm so excited
~
here i come
again
~
this time
my friend elena
who i've never met
is taking a class with me
~yippee~
and
staying with me the whole weekend
and
the
instructor is
who i've known for five years
~~
so call me spoiled
~
a whole weekend of
talking
laughing
painting
laughing
learning
journaling
laughing
eating
hiking
not sleeping enough
and
laughing some more
~
not too bad
huh
*
and
i just noticed the "y" on my ruby luna photography tag
jumped ship
since my photo was too big for blogger
and
i don't even care
~
nope
not today
because
everything else is good and the sun is warm
*


April 22, 2010

don't make me beg....

i mentioned the other day
that i'm having
a give-away
and
i really wish more of you would play
~
sheesh
that sounds so icky of me
and
i feel like i'm begging
but
the random generator is only fun
when you can plug in big numbers
~~
otherwise
i just write everyone's name on a slip of paper
and
pick one out of my cereal bowl
~~
well
that's actually pretty fun
too
but
now that it's springtime
i like big
and
i want a big fat number to play with
~~
wow
now it sounds like i'm whining
like
i'm a big old whiner
with that nasal sounding voice
that's as irritating as fingernails on a blackboard
~
okay
i won't even make you go back to the give-away page
to see what i'm talking about
~
just leave me a comment
about
anything
~
your favorite color
or word
or
what you like to do when you get the house all to yourself
or
maybe
what book your reading or if you jumped for joy when kate got eliminated
or
if your allergies are killing you
~
ANYTHING
any comment
and
you're in
~
you guys are the best
seriously
you really are
*

April 21, 2010

when you're two weeks old....


life is easy
~~
thank you
L & B
for trusting me with your new little love
~~
please
if you
my blog loves
have the time
come over here
to see more of this sweet little boy
~~
i promise you
he won't make a peep
but
he will make you smile
*


April 20, 2010

a give away perhaps ?

somehow
almost overnight
my "no wallflowers" followers
has grown
to over
300
::
and
that makes me happy
really happy
like
dancing down the hallway happy
with my arms waving in the air while pink screams her lungs out in the background
::
so happy in fact
~now that i've caught my breath~
that it's time for a give away
::
the rules
are as follows
::
you know what
i hate rules
especially blog rules
::
so anything goes here
WELL
almost
anything
::
all you have to do is tell me if you want to win
a new blog banner
designed by yours truly
or
if you want to win a copy of one of my photos
that you have fallen in love with
::
or
if you'd rather just come over and sit and have tea
while we laugh
at kate gosselin
trying to dance
we can do that
too
~there's a prize for this too, but it's not a banner or a photo~
::
so leave me a little note
telling me which of the above works for you
and
sunday night
a winner will be chosen
*




April 19, 2010

someday....

the weekend went faster than i thought it would
and
the bumps along the way left me bruised and confused
::
i'll remind him all about it someday when he's a parent
and
feels a bit out of control while raising his own children
and
i'll hide my smile
as i thank god for paybacks
::


April 16, 2010

where i go from here....

I want to go somewhere beautiful
::
where
the people
i surround myself with
share stories that swell my heart
::
where
the warmth of the sun
is passionate with my soul
::
where
my camera
captures the kind of beauty
that my heart didn't even know existed
::
where
the cool evening breezes
whisper sweet secrets on the back of my neck
::
where
the grassy field
begging me to sit for the afternoon
lets my thoughts wander and giggle
like barefoot children near a stream
delighting over every found rock
::
where
most of all
with just a smile or a kind word
i can make a difference in someone's day
::
want to come along
*

April 15, 2010

what ? straight out of the camera ?

it doesn't happen very often
but
when the weather is saying
"come play with me and leave that computer and your photo editing alone"
well
i listen
and
upload my photos
as they are
~gasp~
hiking in our woods at the cottage this spring has been a challenge
~
the hills are terribly
~actually dangerously~
steep
and
with the ground feeling like marshmallows beneath our feet
the only way to scale them is at an angle
~
but
you know me
i like a challenge
and
when the other challenge
is to find the tiny little violets that hide on our hillside
well
i pound my chest like tarzan and yell
"bring it on"
down below the hills
in what we call
the valley
is where we have a natural spring
and
surrounding that area every year is
skunk cabbage
~
obviously
some people hate it as it's invasive and i guess it stinks if you step on it
and
i guess all the wild animals stay away from it
but
for me it's beautiful and green and full of life
~
we have never smelled anything from it
even when tromping through it and since our land is still filled with deer
and
other critters that leave their little prints behind
the
skunk cabbage is just fine with us
when i looked at this photo
i realized you could see the roof to our cottage in the distance
and
that where i was standing was
"bare"
or
"still kind of winter dead"
in valley terms
~
in another month
though
everything will be as tall as me or taller
and
then the hills and valley
will have a new name
~
that's when we start referring to it as
heaven
*

April 13, 2010

in the meantime....

remember the other day when i mentioned i had hiking photos
~
well
these are my pond photos
not my hiking photos
~
my hiking photos
are
still on my camera
and
as soon as my head
which has been invaded by
aliens
~dwarfs whatever~
otherwise known as
dopey, sleepy, snotty, sneezy, coughy and grumpy
is feeling normal
i'll have the strength to load them onto my computer
and
share them with you
in the meantime
i thought this visual might help you understand
exactly how i've been feeling
~
yes
thanks to my mac
and
photo booth
i was photographed perfectly
~
maybe next time i'll airbrush out my crows feet

April 12, 2010

she's my third cousin....

and
just like most of my photo shoots
she had that look of
"who's this crazy woman with the camera"
she doesn't know who i am
~~
at eighteen months
she
lives down south with her parents
but
lucky us
they came for a visit

here's part of my extended family
celebrating her grandpa's
60th birthday
~~
after some grumbling about the rain
i convinced them all that a few raindrops wouldn't make them melt
and
finally got them outside for a group shot


who did she love best
from our totally crazy family
that i adore
~
well
that would be her fourth cousin
~my niece~
and
the feeling was mutual
*
but
see that scowl....she's still not so sure about me

April 11, 2010

oh seriously....


lucky me
i'm related to this sweetheart
but
that didn't stop me
from drowning in her blue eyes
~~
if you can stand it
i'll show you more of her tomorrow
unless
you'd rather see my hiking photos
of trees and dirt and violets
~~
that's what i thought
baby photos it is
*

April 10, 2010

today~warm and purple with a chance of clouds....

what color
is it
in your little world
today
*

April 9, 2010

mable....

it's friday
and
the sun is shining
~
my son has been sick with what we thought was just his asthma
but
based on how scratchy my throat is
i'm wondering if he doesn't also have a cold on top of his asthma and allergies
and
maybe coughed up a few germs on my strawberry shortcake
~
there's a shop around the corner
who honors the talents of artists
and
i've been asked to frame some of my photography
in a large format
to be sold there
~yikes~
so this afternoon
i'm off to the camera shop to have some of my photos
printed
big
as in
11x14
big
~wish me luck~
~
but
the main thing on my to do list
is laundry
so
i'm going to roll out my old clunker above
~i call her mable~
and
get her hose all hooked up
so
i can wash the bed sheets and then get them on the line to dry
~
hee hee
~
oh how i love fridays
*



April 7, 2010

the boys are back in town...the boys are back in town...

actually
it's my sand hill cranes
~a boy and a girl~
that are back
in town
and
I just felt like singing
i only post processed the top photo
because
I really wanted all of you to be able to see the beauty in these birds the same way i do
~~
there's a pond on our side of town
surrounded by apartment buildings
that is basically a wildlife refuge in the city
and
i can't even begin to describe to you what this place does to my senses
springtime
is when this place comes alive
~~
mr. and mrs. crane come home
and
the bunnies and the birds and the ducks and the geese and the muskrats and the turtles
are
everywhere
there is a man made trail around the entire pond
which is a little over a mile long
and
for the next month
i can get up close and personal with just about all of my pond friends
but
by the middle of may
the pond grasses and cattails will be taller than me
and
then
game on
as i become the crazy lady
in the weeds trying not to get her feet or her camera wet
while wiggling my way closer and closer
to my very smart friends
~~
once their babies are born
they're a bit more protective
and
they play a mean game of hide and seek
but
fortunately
due to plenty of foot traffic and dusk acting like a sedative to most of them
i can still
catch most of them
enjoying the good life
right around dinner time on lazy summer evenings
and
honestly
i can't even tell you how much
pond babies make my heart melt
in these photos
I was only a few feet away from the cranes
~~
so close
in fact
that when mr. crane spread his wings and asked me dance
he scared me a bit
and
i cut off the top of his head
~
silly bird
*

April 6, 2010

there's a lesson in everything...

an april rain
fell last night
after the strong shouldered clouds holding the droplets hostage
finally
shrugged and gave up
~
the rhythm of the rain
against the windows
reminded me of a xylophone being played
by an uninterested child
who had purposely broken the ball off the stick handle
when no one was watching
~
today
the air feels crisp
in a freshly ironed kind of way
and
i can smell the red geraniums
that are looking at me from my neighbor's
"rocking chair filled"
front porch
~
i'm not really sure exactly what i see
being pushed toward
the storm drains
by last nights rain
but
i think maybe some of my heavy thoughts are there
all soggy and fighting the current
~
in my heart
i know they taught me a few lessons about life
but
i refuse
to throw them any kind of floatation device
~
and
as i turn around to come back inside
the
heavily carved and ornate wooden door
lets out a yawn as i close it
and
through the bubbled glass
i can see
that the grey sky
is starting to color outside the lines
with
its blue crayon
*

April 5, 2010

it's been confirmed....

cuteness can kill you
please please please
head over
to
and
see more of the photos
from my baby shoot
on
friday
warning
~~
you might want to protect your heart
before you look at the other photos
and
for any of you out there thinking
"well, maybe we should have one more"
you might as well
get the nursery
ready
now
~~
oh
and
if you're not sick of me yet on this monday morning
you
can visit
where she asked me to be her guest blogger today
and
wowza
she threw some amazing questions at me
that really made me think
{which is good good for me every now and then}
*



April 3, 2010

hopping down the bunny trail...


may your
easter
be filled
with
love and faith

bunnies and chocolate

and
most of all
may it be filled
with
memories
and
laughter
*