what we remember.....

photo taken about 14 years ago

i feel terrible that i don't remember more

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i don't really remember what my babies smelled like when i cradled them in my neck, unless i smell a new baby today and then those memories come back and knock me over. i don't remember all the funny things they said. or all the questions they asked me day in and day out except for

"why"

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i don't remember what the tooth fairy left under their pillows, but i know she visited them. i remember letting a scared child or two stay in the safety of our bed for awhile, but i don't remember what scared them.

~

but

because of photos

i know my daughter was a crayola crayon for halloween when she was 4. and i know i was a witch. i remember rock climbing and loving it. i remember the day my son flew over the handle bars on his bike and went face first into a wet puddle of mud. i remember homecomings and proms and all the dresses we spent days shopping for. and hairstyles. oh the hair. i remember my son playing dress up with all the items i used for little girl tea parties. the hats. the boas. the earrings. and i remember not telling him those were just for girls. i remember the head- gear my daughter had to wear at night with her braces. i remember all the clothes i used to wear that now hang on the racks in the vintage aisle at good-will. and back to the hair.

i remember all my bad perms.

~

but

only

because of photos

~

photos help open my memory bank and the flooding begins

~

the

"oh remember this and the oh remember thats"

are loud

when my unorganized boxes of too many years swimming together are seen again

and

the laughter

well

there's always laughter when the old family photo albums are opened

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real.from the heart.deep.special.unreplacable.laughter

and

the memories

oh

the warm memories

that belong only to me and my loved ones

fill my heart to bursting

and

are heavy and beautiful

like my most favorite old quilt that i never want to sleep without

~

thank you god for photos

~