September 20, 2009

the way...




sometimes I think everything has changed
~~
my thoughts
my ideas
my dreams
my likes
my dislikes
the way I like to be touched
the way I like to eat an oreo
my plans for the future
the way I need to be held
the way I like to dress
the way I put on my mascara
the books I want to read
the words I need to write
the way my bangs fall in my eyes
the way I want to be talked to
the way I need to be kissed
~~
and
then I wake up
and
the walls and my bedding and what appears to be a beehive on top of my head
are all the same
~~
I look in the mirror and I see me
but
it's not the me from last night
after my face was washed and my teeth were brushed
or is it
~~
I feel different
but I look the same
~~
I get dressed and my jeans fit tight to my hips just the way they did yesterday
and
my t-shirt curves around my breasts and I turn sideways and smile
I get close to the mirror
and
like how my lips look kind of pouty
even while bare
~~
I make a cup of almond vanilla tea
just the way I have done everyday for as long as I can remember
and
carry it to my office where my computer awaits me
and
I write
~~
I write for me
I write for you
I write about all the things that I am and all the things that I want to be
and
all the things that I want to do and all the things that I see
~~
so
today I am loved
and
so badly wanting to be a better writer
and
hoping to take pictures in an orphanage in africa someday
all
while seeing and actually liking
the person looking back at me in the mirror
*

35 comments:

  1. Oh my dearest Beth, stop talking about wanting to be a better writer. You touch me every single time I'm in your space letting your words seep into my soul big time.

    Some times you even give me the shivers because it feels you were looking into my head, my mind, reading my thougths and putting them out here. Love that. If only I could express myself in the right words you seem to find so easely.

    And that picture goes so well along with your words....
    Have a happy the peppy Weekend (we say that here in Holland...;-) hugs Dagmar

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  2. I love the photo, and I think you are an excellent writer. Your expressive side touches us and makes us feel your emotions.

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  3. Hi Beth.

    I have recently discovered your blog and I think it's beautiful.

    Your post has touched me for many reasons.

    The photo you have taken is absolutely beautiful. I wish I could take photos like that.

    Your writing is expressive, heartfelt and very carefully composed. When I find moments of inspiration, I try to write like that.

    I also love the title of your blog. It is what first caught my attention. I am in love with being on a path to being the authentic me. I think you have managed this.

    Thank you for taking the time to write and to share this blog on the net.

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  4. Beth, I think your writing and photos touch a lot of people in many different ways. It's important work you're doing here. Just for the record....I wake up with a beehive on my head, too.

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  5. This is such an inspiring and beautiful post. I hope you realize how truly talented you are, and how you touch so many lives.

    And I know exactly how you feel... liking the person that you are, while still wanting to be so much more.
    Keep doing what you do- it is wonderful!

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  6. Your writing taps into the soul. Don't change a thing! Your honesty is so real and so touching.

    And, of course, your photography is brilliant. I love this shot of the open gate.... would love to venture through it, with a good book in hand, and find a nice place to read.

    Take care, Beth, and know that we love ya' just the way you are, beehive and all!

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  7. This is really beautiful Beth, I wish my words came out so wonderfully! See, even that didnt sound right! One word then: LOVELY. ((hugs))

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  8. today you have outdone your gorgeous self...not that any other days are back but this is superduper beautiful and warm and huggy.

    gorgeous shot and words. i know your dreams will come true.

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  9. I think everyday we're all on this journey to find and love oneself. It's the not giving up that makes the fight worth while. Your writing is fine the way it is. It's authentic and that's all one can ask for. Keep on your journey I think taking pictures in Africa's orphanages is a great goal. Your picture is great. Have a wonderful day.

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  10. I love your blog and your posts are so inspirational... Thanks for sharing such beautiful photographs and beautiful words.

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  11. you are blessed to have the words flow from you beth

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  12. you are blessed to have the words flow from you beth

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  13. this is so beautiful, beth. i really love reading your words! and this photo is just gorgeous.

    your happiness and positive spin on things warms me inside and makes me feel all cozy and content.

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  14. Beth, you are a beautiful writer, as photographer your just awesome, I love that old gate. I love your goal of photographer at an orphanage in Africa, you would be brilliant my friend.

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  15. Your pictures and words delight me. Yes, sometimes we envision a different us and then we wake up. I dream of being a better writer and taking amazing pictures. Wonderful goals to dream about and achieve. You are on your way!

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  16. If you write any better, I will grow to hate you, and that would be a true shame. Because I love you now and what you do and I come here every day for exactly what it is you create for us.

    I do not need to be jealous of you on top of all that. Please cease all hopes and efforts to be better.

    You have been warned.

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  17. Stunning picture! Stunning writing.
    More please.
    xo

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  18. WOW ... you go girl ... big dreams create a full life and I believe you can make all of that happen! And to like what you see in the mirror to boot! What more does one need? Loved the image so much ... one of my favorites.

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  19. You have so much Spontaneity and Wonder for Life that I wonder what your secret is??? Seriously. Share. Please. :)

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  20. How you stir a soul with the photo and words.

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  21. I love the photo! I can only imagine how giddy you were just envisioning this shot :)

    I admire your sense of abandon when you write and it feels to me like you write for you first which always turns out better than trying to write for others, IMO. We are just lucky enough to get to peek at it too :)

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  22. The open gate and your words are so inviting.

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  23. being different, but the same is good. andrew and i were just talking about how we'd like to move because we feel like when we came here we were immature (not that we're completely grown up now) but our lives are different and we are different. we look the same (maybe a little fatter). we smell the same. our voices are the same. but we are different. it's tough. not everyone sees you grow the way that you do. but it's good that you see yourself. it's good.

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  24. You write so well, mi amor... how else could you make me laugh out loud at times, or bring tears to me eyes, as you did just now?

    I feel such a sense of gratitude that you like who you are, that you see the beauty we see, the inspiring woman that brings us back to this blog constantly hoping for another glimpse of your magic and friendship.

    (((hugs))),
    love,
    me

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  25. Oh Bethie- what a gift to love the woman in the mirror, in all her aspects. That's what the journey is for! You're a wonderful writer, even if you don't yet realize it. And I'm about to brew a peach-mango white tea blend.

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  26. How does it get any better than this?

    Love that photo.

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  27. I've received a lot of "gifts" during my first year and a half of blogging. I think one of the greatest is watching you grow as an artist/photographer, woman, mom, observer of life, survivor and human being. I remain in awe of your journey, its discoveries and your joy.

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  28. you are touching my soul~
    xo

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  29. Hi Beth... wow, there are some thoughts in this that have been in my head... you put them into words. Perhaps we are in a similar phase of life. Thanks for saying them. I liked reading.
    comforting.

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  30. Beth, I adore your writings and admire your photography. I simply like the way I feel after having visit with you here.

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  31. i love your writing and this photo is just dreamy. wow.

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  32. You want to be a writer? You are already a writer. Yes, we both know you are. Don't we?

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  33. I
    LOVE
    THIS
    POST.


    love it.
    xo

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**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth