don't lock that door....

i'm reaching deeper this morning than i actually have the strength to

wanting desperately to explain what doors mean to me

but most of my words are being wimps

and

they're all still in bed wrapped up in the down comforter i left behind

peering out at me with

"don't even think about touching us"

raised eyebrows

~

soon they'll yell out

"you'll get nothing from us until we get a cup of hot tea"

~

my url is "more doors"

did you know that

~

at the time of those chosen words we had moved 13 times

and

i had always loved what i found behind a new door in a new house in a new town.

~

but now doors symbolize everything to me. and right now i have some doors floating around in my head playing tag with me. begging me to open them. to try something new. telling me i can do it. that there is so much i'm missing out on.

and

a few

well they run away as soon as my fingers get close to their old glass knobs

looking back at me laughing

reminding me i'm not good enough for what's behind them.

~

those are the ones i want to run after and beat down with my bare hands

after i've kicked them in

~

i think

it's time to get my running shoes on

and

maybe grab a crow bar

~

i can see now that i have some work to do

*

can i see some identification please.....

while claire was visiting

we did what i do best and what she also really wanted to do

trespass

~

well, not really trespass on purpose, but instead take photos of an incredible old house and its outbuildings, where a no trespassing sign hangs. well, we got caught. the first sheriff on the scene tried to be all bad ass on us, but once he checked my license and her passport and found there weren't any warrants out for our arrest, he loosened up and said the property's been vacant for over 20 years and that he hasn't a clue to who owns it. this in a sleepy little town of about 38 people. go figure.

~

but

the second sheriff on the scene was a hoot and we talked to him after the first one left. he loves photography and even had all of his equipment with him. he had just gotten back from the grand tetons, for the "soul" purpose of taking pictures, telling us how much we would love that area. then he shared his map and pointed out another little sleepy town he thought we would love if we wanted to add that to our morning outing.

~

the rifle hanging right above his head was huge

but he sure seemed like a puppy dog to us. if only he had been the first one to find us. then the three of us could have had an amazing photo shoot, while basically being protected while we trespassed. now that's a photographer's dream.

prior to

"i'll never forget this trip to the states"

here's claire's trip in a line up. get it. line up. police humor.

~

1. arrives without keys to get into her locked suitcases, so john breaks them open with plier like wire cutters and laughter.

2. we went to 2 farmer's markets and bought kettle corn and fingerling potatoes.

3. anthropologie made us drool. we bought a few things and even sneakingly took more photos on my camera phone which is against the store policy. we are bad asses i tell you.

4. her lunch at one of my favorite spots was scrambled eggs with sun dried tomatoes, arugula and feta cheese. i had the shitake soup and salad. we ate and talked for hours.

5. off we ran to the pumpkin patch, after grabbing my daughter, since this was something she had never seen before. and wow, did we learn about pumpkins.

6. a stop at the local market for cheese curds...once again, a new food.

7. home for grilled burgers made by my hubby, who was a saint and did everything for us while claire was visiting, but not before munching on the kettle corn and cheese curds. the dinner included the fingerling potatoes so she could taste how we make them in a frying pan.

8. i had the privilege after dinner of seeing her gorgeous wedding photos

9. bed

*

DAY TWO

1. we got caught trespassing at 10 am. whatever.

2. off to the most incredible flea market that claire said was better than any she had ever seen before and this girl has traveled.

3. we met up with adorable georgia, who has a birthday coming up the end of this week and who looks {seriously} ten years younger than she is.

~

then came the hugs and the laughter and photos and jewelry buying and jumbo hot dog eating and more buying and laughing and oohing and ahhing. acutually there was so much oohing and ahhing. and "if i only had room for that" and "those are my colors" and "that is so you"

~

when the market was over, we headed to culvers. i had to make sure that claire got to taste fried cheese curds and frozen custard before she left. so we ate and laughed some more. talked about favorite movies and so much more. and then tearfully i said good bye. i had met georgia last year and since she lives close by, i know i can honestly see her anytime i want and which i really need to make a point of doing. but claire. well now it's my turn. i will see her again. i will go to south africa. yes, she's currently living in ireland, but after everything we talked about, south africa is calling my name.

"beeth {rhymes with teeth} there's a police officer"

it was only two nights and two days

~which was not even close to being enough~

but

spending that time with claire

will be added to my book of

"beth's best memories"

ever

~

this girl

this amazingly brilliant and funny and caring and gorgeous girl

~i'm old enough to be her mother~

and

who speaks with the most endearing accent

is by far

the most exciting thing that happened to me this summer

~

i have so many photos

and

so many stories

~including the one that involves us trespassing and two sheriffs~

to share

but

for today

the only energy i have left is to post this photo

~possibly one of my favorites~

of claire

smelling her first bag of kettle corn from the farmer's market

~

so

i promise

tomorrow

~with my energy restored~

i'll try my hardest

to share everything with you

*

p.s.

without question

i will be traveling to south africa to see claire

within the next year

~

that has been added to the top of

"what am i going to do in my lifetime"

list

~

seriously

that's how amazingly special this girl is

in a far away land....

lives a very special girl

and

she'll be here tonight

and

tomorrow and sunday

~

to say i'm excited to meet yet another blogger

would be such an understatement

~

her room is quiet

with my favorite quilt ready to keep her warm while she sleeps

and

there's a chocolate candy on her pillow

~

and

the smiles and the hugs

well

you can only imagine

~

they're ready

too

*

just sit there and look pretty....

or

look like the most beautiful person his eyes will ever see

~

this mama and her little boy were sitting on the porch of a little place we eat lunch at on the weekends. i couldn't help but move myself in such a way to shoot out the window at the two of them, praying that i'd capture the magical love they shared. it was tangible, that love and his eyes, along with her gentleness took my breath my away.

~

debi

is having a little love affair contest of her own

which involves these six words

"just sit there and look pretty"

and

this photo

was the one i picked out of my "busting at the seams" file

that seemed most appropriate

*

walk on the dark side with me....

i had the privilege to do a photo shoot last week

that completely took me out of my

"box"

which meant a lot of manual shooting

which meant doing math in my head in order to get my numbers to like each other

~

C is a musician

writing his own songs and making a cd

where the words are deep and hold soulful meanings

~

he had ideas and stories

that he tried desperately to convey to me

in hopes that i could capture them in photos

to be used for

the

front and back covers of the cd

and

the inside where the lyrics will be written

~

i hope i did

can you see me now....and randomness

so many of you

have already seen "life as a house"

~mentioned in yesterday's post~

and

not surprising at all

loved it as much as we did

~

i don't care that the weatherman says it will be 80 here on tuesday. fall is here and to prove it, i had gloves on last night at my nephew's soccer game. so there. but i'm a wimp.

~

this week starts the new fall tv line up and since i'm kind of a tv junkie, i'm thrilled.

i'll go back to my favorites and make room for a few new ones. "chase" looks interesting and since the previews use the song "glitter in the air" by "pink" which is still holding on as my favorite song, i think it will be worth watching.

~

the "apprentice" started and since we all love train wrecks

~which is what happens when you have teams that are all one sex~

it will probably keep my attention unless something else better comes on at the same time.

~

and

then there's

"parenthood"

which i fell in love with it last season

so hopefully the writers who really outdid themselves

have the stamina to keep it going this year

and

let me ditto that for "modern family"

~

who has HBO. is anyone watching "the big c" with laura linney. it started a month ago and is on monday nights and is by far the best thing i have watched on tv in years. seriously, in years.

please someone. tell me you've been watching, too.

~

the photo above is me/us being goofy

but

seriously

how far can you be from the camera and still show up in the photo

~

i know

we need to get a life

~

is there a book called

"we're empty nesters, now what"

*

falling....

the ground is covered in acorns

~

and

i'm not sure who loves that more

me or the squirrels.

~

the air today is damp and cool and the wind is playing with the trees. i think i'll be in the kitchen for a little bit this morning covering pretzels in almond bark and maybe i'll find something to make with my eggs since their expiration date is creeping up on me.

~

honestly

though

it's the perfect day to stay in bed and watch movies

~

did you see

"life as a house"

it's a 2001 movie with kevin kline

we saw it years ago and came across it last night and watched it again and i have to say, it is without a doubt his best performance and an absolutely amazing movie especially if you have a teenage son. we recently saw him in an "extra man" which is brand new and straight from sundance. it was pretty much awful and they said that was his best performance. ever.

well

they were wrong

*

happy weekend

yep, it's pink....

weekend drives in the country with my hubby are something i cherish. he stops and turns around for anything i point at or turn my neck for. as i get out of the car with my camera and cross through fields while questioning the roadside weeds i'm tromping through, wondering if there's any poison ivy or snakes waiting to attack my ankles, he waves to me with his "have fun, be careful" wave.

~

i climb back in the car with a satisfied smile, hoping my camera caught what my eyes saw and off we go again. we use a gps so that we can purposely stay off the main roads. and if god forbid we get on one, we do everything we can to get right back off.

~

last weekend we came across a farm filled with old beaten up cars and trucks. some were awful but one was pink and its bed was filled with flowers. well kind of. but you know what i mean. they were weeds and the truck had become one with the ground after years of neglect. but still it was beautiful.

~

and

the other old rotten completely useless vehicles. well they were a little too far onto the property for me. there was a house still being lived in based on the ragged curtains hanging lopsided in the windows and i was pretty sure the owner had a rifle he was cleaning for the upcoming deer season.

and

that day

i just wasn't in the mood for any confrontations

*

what it is.....

it's me being lucky enough to play with the kids who live right behind us

it's the laughs and the giggles

*

"what it is"

is continued over here. please please come and see.

i promise it will make you smile

*

looking for the right fit....

we don't love the house we live in. we never have. but when we moved to madison almost 5 years ago it fit. well our furniture fit. but our hearts never have. and now that our kids are out in the wild blue yonder living on their own, our home feels like a bulky, scratchy sweater that we can't take off and that we desperately want to replace with something soft and warm like a plaid flannel shirt with a few bare threads near the elbows from all the love given to it over the years.

~

so we look and look and look for something else. but so far, nothing. we think about building, but can't seem to find a piece of land that we're happy with. we drive in the country and near the city. we look at beautiful homes that are way too large, that we don't even want and old brady bunch homes that we could remodel, if only the dilapidated homes in the rest of neighborhood could magically disappear.

~

and then i find little outbuildings that i love. like the one above. that live on most of the farms around us. and i think that's what i want. an old farmhouse. with a barn. and a few outbuildings. so i can have chickens and a goat.

~

oh where is my magic little fairy

with her glittery wand

and

why isn't she sprinkling the perfect answers all over me

*

and the kids

well they don't really live in the wild blue yonder

instead

they live in apartments right here madison

where their mama still does the occasional load of laundry for them when they ask ever so sweetly and whose food seems to taste better now than it ever did when they were living here with us

*

slowly....

that's how i'm moving this morning

so until i get my act together

please smile and laugh as hard as i did

while watching this

*

good morning sunshine....

oh fall...my lover

i don't know how you do it but i can't quite enough of you. maybe it's the way you smell. or your gentleness in the morning. maybe it's the way you calm my nerves and give me the ability to see everything in a new light. you seem to listen to what i need and don't seem the least bit unnerved if i spend my entire days just staring at you. in the evenings your chilling ways force me to lie beneath a heavy quilt begging you for more. and even though i know you can't stay here forever and that in a few months you'll be gone, i'm going to love you now like you've never been loved before.

nothing is worth more than this day....

have you seen the commercial where a woman is shopping at target and tries on a pretty teal wool hat and suddenly she has visions of her life being all dreamy and fairy tale like? well i tried a hat on while i was shopping at target the other day and it did nothing but mat down my hair and make me look goofy.

my acupuncturist told me i'm pre-menopausal . enough said.

i realized on tuesday i was wearing my boyfriend jeans from the gap with my boyfriend sweater from j.jill~does that somehow make me a girlfriend ?

lately i have wanted to put goat cheese on almost everything i eat. is that weird ? or is it just a pre-menopausal symptom like everything else odd in my life?

~

as a photographer, this is a dream video and i can't get the song out of my head. i love her voice more than i can possibly tell you. oh, and i would kill to have her hair. well, not really kill, but you know what i mean. okay, i might kill a creepy bug crawling on my leg or something, but that's as far as i would go.

*

happy friday

she just has that look....

this sweetie will be a senior next year

and

is my sister's niece from her husband's side of the family

since it was such a beautiful day on sunday

~but whoa, the wind~

and

she was in town visiting

i asked her if she wanted to practice for her senior photos next year

which really translates to

"can i practice shooting using your beautiful face and smile"

oh

what a doll she was

and

honestly

the overly windy photo ended up being one of my favorites

which proves to me that any day is a day to shoot

and

practice

~

oh teenagers

you do something amazing to my heart

*

just in case....

you woke up grouchy this morning

and

don't feel like smiling

~

well

i bet you just did

*

and then i flew...

not too high. or too far. but i flew.

~

i spilled my birthday wishes here a few weeks ago and then, almost like a dream, when we pulled up to our inn in oregon, the day after my birthday, the community-beach facing-back porch on the log cabin lodge next to us had a bouquet of big pink balloons tied to the railing. i asked a girl curled up in a quilt, reading a book and completely unaware of my curiosity, if they belonged to anyone. she shook her head no in an irritating way, with barely an eyebrow raised.

so i untied them.

~

and then i played. and laughed. and pretended.

and

then i tied them back up

with hopes that some other girl

whose eyes grow large with the idea that it's possible for wishes to come true as long as they're whispered into the ears of fairies and whose quirky but overly large and sensitive heart

worn on her brightly colored sleeve

would find them

so that they she could fly

too

*

and the teasing begins....

the air is cooler and drier. the greens are fading. the apple picking signs are coaxing us for a visit. the pumpkins are timidly waving from the fields. the mornings are being protective and not waking us. the evenings ask us to turn our lamps on sooner. the sweatshirts have come out from their hiding spots in the closet and soup is already begging to be the main course.

~

hi fall

i've been waiting for you

and

with just a few days of practice

you're as perfect as i knew you would be

*

rule breaker...

the sign on the rusty gate said "no trespassing" so i climbed over it. the sign on the tree said "keep out" which i did. this time. only because there wasn't a sign saying "there are mosquitos the size of lap dogs surrounding this property and they will take you down"

~

that i figured out all on my own

~

so

guess where i'm going in a few weeks

once i've confirmed that the lap dog sized mosquitos have been muzzled

and

put away for the year

~

gosh how i love to have something to look forward to

*

on the way home....

i had scrambled eggs with sun dried tomatoes, arugula and feta cheese. he had a slice of the ham and asparagus quiche. we shared a bowl of potato, sour cream and chive soup.

~and practically wiped it clean with broken pieces of bread from our sourdough baguette~

our hunger was quenched

~

i wish you could have been there

*

today...

i think i'll try looking at life through the eyes of a stranger

*

be prepared to fall....

after yesterday's post you twisted my arm. no. they still can't come home with me. any of them. but i can show you the sister's that i talked about yesterday. the first one. that's her "who me, i didn't do it" look. amazing how even as a baby, that's a look that's already part of her personality. oh, she's a curious little stinker.

this look. well that's just pure honey sweetness. with a little molasses added to it. and she's the other sister, i think. sheesh, they look alike and garage lighting really stinks.

and now all the brothers playing together. chewing on each others ears. batting at each others heads. seriously, i have never been a cat person. ever. at all. but this whole litter has stolen my heart. fortunately with my daughter taking one home and my sister keeping two, my kitten loving heart will still be beating.

my grandson....

this is fry and he's coming home saturday to live with my daughter. his mother is georgia who belongs to my sister. we like to keep things in the family you know. and if i didn't have such an aversion to "cat hair everywhere" i'd be bringing home his sister.

~

sophie needed to go potty at 5 o'clock the other morning. after letting her back in i decided i might as well go potty myself since i was already up and while walking through the bathroom, i stepped in a pile of dog vomit. that is not really the way i like to wake up. ever.

~

i walked around the neighborhood yesterday and saw 2 yards with blooming rose bushes. is that normal this time of year. in wisconsin.

~

did you watch the emmys. don't you just love jimmy fallon. i'd personally like to have him and ricky gervais over for dinner. okay, george clooney can come, too.

~

kate gosselin makes me want to vomit. i thought the nauseousness was only when i saw her dancing, but nope, it's pretty much anytime i see her.

~

all the kids are back in school today. that means it's safe to shop in target again.

*

happy first day of

september