and maybe even a small oil leak...

I think

of the seemingly ordinary things I do

day in and day out

without any hoopla or party hats

and

how each morning after not enough sleep

I get up and do all those things again

~~

parenting does not fall into that

"seemingly ordinary"

category

~

~not even remotely close~

~

lately

I feel like I've been driving an old car

with worn brake pads and no power steering

on a long gravely road

with hair pin turns

and

hills

on top of a mountain

where the oxygen is too thin

~

my knuckles are sore from holding on so tight

and

my head pounds and my body aches

but

as a mom

this is what I have to do

~

I have to hold on

~~

and

it's not easy

actually

it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do

~~

I'm learning

that even with an immeasurable amount of love

sometimes liking your children

is as hard as the cement they might fall on

while trying their best to run from you

while thinking

everything you do or say is stupid

~~

maybe soon

he'll see

my weathered knuckles and how hard I'm holding on

trying to keep him safe and on the right track

and

that I'm really not as stupid as he believes

but instead

I'm just a mom

who loves her son

~~

oh

how I hope he does

*