March 4, 2010

I won't lie, I was scared...




two weeks ago
i went to my eye doctor for some pain i had been having. the pain would come, mostly in the evenings and by bedtime, it was often excruciating. by morning i would feel fine, after having slept surprisingly well and then it would start all over again by dinner time. i have been on a glaucoma watch for over a year now, due to how something inside my eye is shaped, so of course that's where my thoughts went... and if you read about glaucoma, well let's just say, it isn't a diagnosis you want, especially at 45.
~~
after testing everything she could test me for, she asked my primary care physician to order a ct scan of my orbital sinuses, since her tests were all coming back with numbers she was happy with. the ct scan was negative, so i was back at square one, although the pain was gradually subsiding. in the meantime, i had read way too many things under google searches for "eye pain" that scared me to the point where i just had to stop. sometimes google searches are a very bad and scary thing.
~~
yesterday was a follow up with an eye surgeon who numbed my eyes and moved me from room to room taking photos and pressures and measurements, confirming that i had had a perfect field vision test back in december so there were no worries there and saying "can you read this for me" and "don't move" and "stay focusing straight ahead" and "look only to the left" and then after an entire hour and a page full of notes
he looked at me and said
"you're fine."
~~
they still don't know what was bothering me
which i guess for now is a good enough answer
since my pain has gone away
but
when you love photography and writing
and
well
seeing in general
the idea that something could be wrong with one of your eyes
is really scary
*

41 comments:

  1. Oh dearest Beth I feel badly that you were going through this. But great news that the pain is gone. And yep in our quest to find more info on the web sometimes we scare ourselves silly. Eons ago a doc said I had glaucoma, turns out it's just how my eyes are shaped. But apparently when my blood pressure goes up my eyes act funny. I "see" all kinds of squigglies. Anyway, maybe you cleared it up w/ that sugar cleanse you're doing. So happy you're better. By the way, loved your post on my blog. And by the way again, not that I'm counting, but I get to see you in 50 DAYS!!

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  2. Beth, I'm so happy that you are okay! My pediatrician mind was spinning with diagnoses (it's this unavoidable, gut reaction thing that happens as soon as you start medical school) and I was so thrilled for you that you are fine! Deep breath, thanks to God, have a wonderful pain free day.

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  3. about six years ago i started having really awful pain in my eye. it would come and go. i don't remember if it was certain time during the day or not. but, after a CT scan and a bunch of tests, they put me on an antibiotic for a sinus infection and then, the pain was gone. i'm not saying yours is a sinus infection. maybe mine wasn't either. i was stressed and sad and depressed, although i fought that. and i'm also not saying your down and depressed...i'm just saying that this is what happened and helped me.

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  4. so sorry to hear about that. hope the pain is gone for good. here's a story for you (don't worry, it's not your problem!) it just made me think about a story i was told many years ago. a friend of friend had some eye pain, i don't remember the details, but they kept going back for weeks trying to figure out where the pain was coming from. finally a specialist found the culprit (why it took so long to find it, who knows)....it was something like a 2 inch twig from a tree that had gotten lodged way back beside the eyeball!! And amazingly, there was no infection or eye damage! incredible, huh!

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  5. Eyes are scary. I think I could handle tongue problems or ear trouble with less fear.

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  6. you have such wonderful eyes to see ... both physically and emotionally ... so glad they are okay

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  7. it IS very scary and pray this is the end of it all.


    tight hugs!

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  8. Thank goodness you're o.k Beth, I can imagine how scary it must have been.

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  9. Not knowing is always hardest..but sometimes these things - for no explanation - come..and then disappear. Yes - scarey!!

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  10. Whew. Yes, you're right -- when you are highly visual as you are, the thought of anything affecting the eyes is terrifying. I'm so relieved that so far, so good (though returning pain isn't exactly something fun, especially when you still don't know what it is.) But your check out sounds VERY thorough and that is both relief and blessing.

    Might I say -- STAY AWAY FROM GOOGLE. Having done this more than a few times myself before I have a diagnosis, just symptoms, I scare the hell out of myself!

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  11. Good that you stayed on top of it.
    Hope everything continues to be good and no pain.

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  12. Beth...I'm so glad that you went to the doctor...and that you are fine.
    My doctor finally had to tell me:
    "Stay OFF the internet!" (It will scare you....unnecessarily.)
    Glad you are doing better.
    I love your photo on this blog!
    Smiles,
    Jackie

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  13. so glad you are okay - i can only imagine the roller coaster of emotion that has been. xx s

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  14. How weird -- my mom has been dealing with EXACTLY that the last 3 week -- they've found what they're calling an 'unresponsive corneal ulcer' ... like a rough bubble or raw spot on her conea from a very bad eye infection that went untreated too long ... !!!! Glad you're better -- she's off to a cornea specialist tomorrow morning; hoping that will hook her up and take care of this!

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  15. My father had 2% vision from age 15 on and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I am glad you aren't feeling pain any longer and I sure hope it doesn't return!! Your photography and blogging are enjoyed by so many people. Of course that is just me being selfish. I like your posts.

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  16. I totally agree with you there! And never ever ever do a search for weird pains on the internet! You'll scare the crap out of yourself. I have this totally strange thing where my finger twitches non-stop. some days it goes on for hours...then other days nothing. I have diagnosed my self with things form Parkinsons to MS...then I just had to stop doing that. GAH! I hate unexplained things like this.

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  17. I say "things" too much don't I? *sigh*

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  18. (hugs) sometimes things do work out on their own for whatever reason. I'm glad. xo

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  19. I don't blame you, it is always scary when the "pros" can't even figure it out. I was ill 5 years ago and it took a full year for someone to figure out that my right kidney wasn't draining properly, this was after testing every other part of my body for every possible ailment...they found what was wrong by accident (while looking for something else)! Oh, and never look symptoms up on the internet, you will give yourself a heart attack! Glad you are feeling better...

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  20. So glad you are okay, strange how that pain came and then left though. Beth I won't read any medical books at all as I found myself having every disease I ever read about......LOL......:-) Hugs

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  21. ...anything having to do with the eyes and sight is scary...and it is scary that in our day and age so many things that go wrong still can't be explained. Hope whatever it was stays away!

    xo

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  22. sorry you had that experience but happy that the pain is gone. i know how scary eye issues can be. sending lots of positive vibes and a big hug your way.

    one love.

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  23. glad to hear that your doctor gave you good news--lets hope that you are feeling better soon!

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  24. That is scary and I am glad they gave you a clean bill of health. Now let us hope that the pain goes away!! Permanently!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  25. Glad you got good news. Step away from the web searches!

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  26. Keep healing, Beth...you know I love you & your orbital sinuses. Sending you positive vibes & high fives from the swamp!

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  27. That is so scary. I hope it stays away now and you are all better.

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  28. Wow, that is scary Beth. I'm very glad your doctor said not too worry. Take a deep breath and just rest up.

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  29. So glad to hear you are well. Nothing like a little physical scare to make us appreciate evermore the wonderful machine God has given us in our bodies. What an opportunity to thank Him for eyes that see.

    Blessings,
    Lori

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  30. Phew! I am so glad that whatever it was is now gone. I'm sorry you had to go through that Beth.

    xo

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  31. Beth I am so happy that it was nothing- I can imagine your scare. Take care and sweet blessings to you.

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  32. at least the pain is gone. and they say you're fine. but it must have been so worrying.

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  33. I'm gladd you did see the doc. And I'm even more gladd your okay. Hope the pains will never return. And about being scared...yea I would be too.
    Take care and thanks for sharing Beth. Hugs Dagmar

    ps. is the snow leaving already...guess what we'll get it all over again starting today!!!! I'm done this is it, I'll promise I will stay in bed for the whole time it will snow and only see the whites of my linnen. juck.
    Shiverings hugs Dagmar

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  34. Oh Beth, what a scare for you, I am glad everything was okay, hopefully the pain does not come back. your in my prayers hon, Have a great weekend, Hugs to you.

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  35. Beth, you had a right to be scared. I would have been, too. So glad the pain is gone. I've recently been through many, many hours of testing & treatment with my 86 yr old dad for the wet form of macular degeneration. I never knew there were so many tests that could be done on the eyes.

    Stay well, sweet blogger friend.

    donna

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  36. Scared, heck yeah! Hope the pain stays away and doesn't even think of making a return :) Be well, Beth!

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  37. praying for you and your peepers.

    next time i see you, you are going to jump for me and you are going to look in my camera with those beautiful peepers and be one of my subjects for my lookers and leapers project, k?

    let's do the first flea market they have!! yay. warm days are a comin'!

    hugs to you.

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  38. I am so glad for you- that must have been really scary! I have often wondered the same thing- ALL my hobbies and loves are visual. I don't know what I would do, but I am sure I would cope somehow. But again- I am glad you are fine!!!

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  39. whew....happy to "see" you are all OK....

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  40. Oh, yes, scary. But, all the tests have hopefully given you peace. If something were wrong it would have been caught by now. Yes? Be at peace my friend. Wishing you well.

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  41. Oh Beth...as a fellow photographer who understands that fear of loss of sight, I held my breath as I read this post. I am so glad that you are ok. Pain can be a mysterious thing...but hopefully it will stay away as mysteriously as it arrived. Good health to you.xoxoxoxox

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**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth