May 25, 2011

raise your glass....


i wasn't chewing gum, but when i choked a bit and my face turned red, he probably thought i had just swallowed a worn out piece of cinnamon trident.
~
he had just asked me how full my photography calendar was for the summer and all i could think about were the tiny stars i had doodled all over the month of june
while i was on hold making my yearly mammogram appointment.
~
i told him it wasn't nearly full enough and he asked where i've been advertising. i quickly looked down at my feet wishing there was something near them to kick besides myself. i told him i really don't advertise and when he asked why not, i told him about my fear of letting what i love to do, what i'm so passionate about, turn into a job. a real job, that might sabotage that love.
~
he said that can only happen if you don't know how to say no. then he said, you're good enough to be advertising. with a deep breath from me that wished it had someplace to go, our original conversation
resurfaced and he was back to showing me the new camera bags that had just come into the store.
~
as i drove away, i banged my hand hard on the steering wheel and thought damn.
he's right. how am i ever going to fly, if i keep tying bags filled with self doubt,
questions and concerns,
in 36 bitter tasting flavors, to my ankles.
if i don't get rid of them, i'll be grounded for the rest of my life.
~
so here's to change.
here's to untying those bags that hold me down. that maybe hold you down, too.
raise your glass
*




35 comments:

  1. it's difficult to let those go though, isn't it? And it is a fear... that what you love, love, LOVE will turn into a real job and you'll fall out of love... it happens, heaven knows I haven't touched needlepoint since I closed my doors... But you know, I did learn something... he's right. That part about "if you don't know how to say no"... practice that, and let go of those bags. You are so amazingly talented... don't keep that from the world... and when you soar, don't forget to take pictures of those wings!

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  2. Yes! Yes! Yes! I LOVE this post! I completely agree with this man. You have a depth and a style Beth to your work that is touching and very unique. The wonderful thing about being in a creative business that you happen to create for yourself is the freedom to choose. You get to set those boundaries of how often, where and what type of jobs you take. I raise my glass to you, take a leap, you are worth it!

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  3. a perfect photo to go with your dreams .. such a talent you are BUT I know all to well the flavors ...ALL 36 of them !!

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  4. Oh CHEERS!!!!! You are so right on with this. Reach for the stars...we're here cheering you on!!!!!!!

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  5. G-R-E-A-T!!! You're perfect for the job - I raise my glass...!!! :))

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  6. You go girl! You hold the power!!!
    (or whatever Oprah says! chort chort)

    Great post today!

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  7. Hey Beth, you are so good and so ready ... just picture little wings on your feet and next time you jump just take off and fly! You will be fine and you will keep being in love, I promise.

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  8. FAN-FRICKEN-TAS-TIC! i'm going to go pour me a glass of wine right now to toast to you and your amazing talent that needs to be in front of people!!!

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  9. I love the kids jumping.
    Dreams can come true. Dont wait too long.

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  10. What a wonderful, wonderful compliment! I am raising my glass to you my dear!!

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  11. I totally know how you feel, could it be those feeling are in the air. You wrote what I'm thinking!
    I'll raise my glass with yours! CHEERS to you, Beth you totally can do it!!!

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  12. Oooh, yay! Good luck at soaring!

    Di

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  13. Well, now. This is interesting ~ and beautifully written. And all I have to say is cheers ~

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  14. Up, up and away, Beautiful Beth!

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  15. he is SO right, beth! no more self-doubt because no one else is doubting you. congratulations and good luck!

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  16. I'll drink to that, girlfriend!

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  17. Go Beth! You have come to the right conclusion. No guts, no glory! Xo

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  18. CHEERS! yes, please do empty those bags of self doubt...you are so good! I am right behind you cheering you on... You go girl!!!

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  19. Of course you should soar, you are wonderful and wouldn't it be great to do what you love and share your talent with those looking for exactly what you have to offer.
    I'm shaking my head, there is nothing absolutely nothing stopping you girl. xxxxx
    I took the plunge myself recently and i'm riddled with self doubt but only a leap of faith will take me where i'm headed.

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  20. He's right - so here's a glass to you!!

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  21. raising my glass, with a toast to you... clink!
    and he is right you know. you not only have the photography skills, you have an amazing way with people. i think that's just as important. you have the whole package.

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  22. My glass is raised!! To Us!!
    May we fly higher and higher!!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  23. my glass is raised to you, dear friend, and held high...i do believe you have found a very good next step for you... so, like my surfers...what will be your style for getting in the water so you can ride the wave?
    -xok.
    get pic!!

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  24. oh you are more than good enough to be advertising, beth. toasting to you, to letting go, to walking through self-doubts (i am a little behind you but hope to get there). you are wonderful! xx s

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  25. Yes, you are good enough! And you've also inspired me to try to get rid of the bags I've tied around my ankles. Thank you!

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  26. Your work is your best advertisement, Beth. Just look at what you accomplish and get rid of the ballast. (He's right - you can always say "no.")

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  27. Exactly. Lets....

    Beth, seriously, you've said what I've been feeling and couldn't put it together in quite that why.

    Why.. Ever... Not.

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  28. you definitely are good enough to advertise and you are good enough to say "no" and not think twice about it.

    I am working on untying my bags. It is like climbing out of a tar pit but I am working on it; so you go girl.
    why is it that there are some people with just a little bit of talent but that have the confidence like they are the tops. Then there are those with tons of talent but riddled with self-doubt????
    You photos are great!!! I just wished you lived around here so you could shoot my sweets....

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  29. I've been having so much trouble commenting that I do hope this one comes through. Dearest Beth, get out of your own way and share your gift. He's right you know...only you can control whether your love stays a love or becomes a hate. But to hold yourself back is akin to stepping into a boat thrilled for the ride and never pulling up anchor. It's safe to pull away from shore. So 'ship off' 'anchors away' 'cap'n of your own ship'...hee hee too early and I can go on cheesy like this forever. Or I can come throw you off shore into the deep end...

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  30. I've been reading a lot about letting go today -- letting go of things, letting go of people -- but letting go of the fears that tie us down -- that's real change. I confess, it is one of the things I don't do well, letting go. I carry heavy luggage, whether it is filled with past experiences or art supplies and books.

    Angels come at us from all ways, all directions and at all times. I think you just met one.

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  31. Such excellent advice he gave you. I never really thought of that 'saying no' thing mainly because it remains hard for me to do. I am getting better though. And yes, untie the bags!!! And watch those fears flutter about in the wind.
    Have a great weekend.

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  32. Oh my gosh...I can't tell you how many times I have withdrawn from photographing people because I was trying so hard to protect my passion. As soon as I became overwhelmed, or afraid of an upcoming shoot, or things were moving just a little too fast for my confidence level, I would shut down. Close up shop. And not look at my camera for a long time, until all the fear subsided and I wanted to take pictures for me again. Then shoots would slowly start coming to me again, and I would go along for a while until the next bout of overwhelmness. (is that a word?)


    I think that anyone who is an artist is sensitive and fearful, and full of self doubt to some degree. It comes with the territory. But Beth, you can totally move forward as long as you stay in touch with yourself and pace yourself, feeling some anxiety but working through it on your own terms. That man was so right about knowing how to say no. A photographer friend of mine, someone I listen to intently when she offers advice, told me that she wasn't the photographer for everyone...you can choose who you want to work with. And you...you are so so amazing when it comes to connecting with people. That is a passion in you that will never die. Don't let anything hold you down!

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  33. oh, beth ,
    this makes me cry.

    I love you.

    I've missed missed missed your heart here..

    ( kids kids, travel for kids, kids and then some.. looks good for the next bit, yahoo! time to get caught up and then maybe post?... and sew and read and write


    and fly.

    I want to fly.

    you

    you are air born.

    xoxoxo

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**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth