February 16, 2011

starting over, starting today...

one day
a long time from now
you'll cease to care anymore about whom you please
or
what anybody says about you
~
that's when you'll do your best work
j.d. salinger
::
i couldn't help but feel a little pinch when i first read this quote. when i turned 40 i bragged about not giving a damn anymore about what others say or think about me. that it was time for me to do anything i wanted without feeling hurt if someone else questioned it or couldn't understand it. and somedays that's exactly how it is.
but
every so often there's still that self doubt rearing it's ugly head
~
did i do something wrong. did i say something wrong. did i write something wrong.
are my ideas that spew out of my mouth daily
just crazy talk. do i talk too much. do i not pay enough attention to the things i should.
am i selfish. and if i am is that bad.
do i not listen enough. am i too controlling. and if i am is that wrong.
~
and
then throw in my photography. where i question the photos that didn't sell in the shop i had them in. where i wonder if i really have any talent at all when i compare myself to other photographer bloggers. should i even call myself a photographer when i seem to choke on that word so easily when someone asks me what i do.
~
why is it that we. we as in women. seem to do this self questioning. self doubting. so easily.
why do we care so much about what others think of us.
~
well. i'm tired of it.
and
after reading the words above and letting them sink heavily into my heart
well
all i know is that i don't want to wait a long time to do my best work. i want to do it now.
~
kind of exciting when you think about it. isn't it.
care to join me
::

35 comments:

  1. Beth, I just love this. You could have been speaking from my own soul -

    Yes - starting over, today.

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  2. Awwww! :) I know exactly what you mean. I don't want to give a hoot what others things of me, either! I'm with you, for sure. <3

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  3. Yes! Yes! I would love to join you. Some of your questionings are the same exact ones I ask myself. No more questions or doubt. Even writing that I questioned whether I could do it. Aargh! Work in progress.
    Great quote.

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  4. honey....awww, honey - i agree, we are our own and it should be only because we love it. you know? as for sales - i think it is because the shops are so very huge and exposure, while nice is so very small. and you're like me, you don't use your social media only for sales. know what i mean?

    i am so with you. :)

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  5. I am trying SO hard to do this in my next book!

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  6. I needed to hear this today! Thanks!

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  7. I know I only see a glimpse of you thru your blog and photos, but you are a bright and shining star who should not question the gifts she shares with the world - you are a talent and a joy. Just let it all hang out...

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  8. You shine, Beautiful One. Brightly and clearly. You are doing your best work, each and every day, already. In this very moment, you are exactly where you are meant to be. Celebrate that !
    (oh, these words are so for me at the exact same time !!!)
    I love you, Shiny Beth !

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  9. I keep looking at your photo, Beth - wondering, What??? Where the cloth is tied in little knots, I think of caged birds. That is a great gift you give - photos that allow the viewer to go beyond the photo to what might be. Self questioning is sometimes helpful, I've found - but self doubt, NEVER!

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  10. Hello Beth!
    I'm following your blog cause i looove your photos! You are wonderful and you are shining with that gorgeous smile you have! This post today made me thing about my self doupt and i'm in the same thoughts lately. I'm also tired to question myself all the time about how i look to the others or how good i am! We must let our truth shine! Thank you so much lovely Beth! SHINE ON!!! :>

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  11. Amen! To all of this...the self questioning and doubting...the caring too much about what others think over what I think...yes I am game...I want to live my best work NOW! Great post...I am sure there are many that will relate.

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  12. wow. I think it because we are afraid to be honest with who we are, that we so often listen to and adhere to everyone else's opinion.

    Somehow we feel not good enough, all the while we encourage and nurture everyone around us.

    Such truthful and empowering words. Thank you for reminding us to be oursleves, and be it proudly.

    Your work is lovely and your strength seasons your creativity even more. Bravo.

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  13. Why is it self doubt is often our most loyal companion on our artistic endeavours? Great post, Thank you :-)

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  14. Sounds like a plan. How to execute it is my stumbling block. Sounds like you're well on your way though. :)

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  15. Well that was certainly a bop on my head first thing this morning, and I needed a big bop.

    The Salinger quote, is a favorite of mine, and in the running for an article I am working on, so it really got my attention FAST!

    I said to a friend last evening...I thought by this age it wouldn't be so hard...this life... that I would be sailing along like so many others my age. But my vessel is leaking and listing to the right and I see no rescue vessels in sight, so I may be my only hope. I had better be comfortable in my own skin.

    thanks for the nudge and the bailing bucket. :D

    z

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  16. I LOVE this, and needed to hear that quote! Why must I struggle so with comparing and competing? Its just so hard at times to change old habits. Your encouragement in this post has been savored!

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  17. I tell myself that I have no external measures in place that validate or affirm who I am and what I do.
    But sometimes I know that it's easier to not know than it is to see the truth.

    and yet. what is the truth? what is our purpose?


    good post, Beth.

    and

    hell ya.

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  18. I'm joining you! I loved this and think like this too much...and always think I'm the only one feeling this way.
    So here's to not givin' a hoot about "the others" and moving on to our BEST work.

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  19. I feel the same way. And I am with you.

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  20. Yep, diving in whether the water's fine
    or not.
    I so get that.....I've said it over and over
    and lived it out a time or two even,
    but then another layer of the onion
    just shows up!
    I thought I was done with that.
    Nope...another peel needed.
    So heres to peeling away every last
    shred of people-pleasing madness.
    Freedom is way sweeter.
    -Jennifer

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  21. I have always struggled with this. I'd like to think I was getting better about not being a people-pleaser.... I don't know...I've heard I'm way too hard on myself...

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  22. you need a tattoo. do it now it should say. on the back of your left hand where you will always see it. i dare you. :)

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  23. I am with you. And yes, why do we do it, let those doubts creep in and stand in our way?
    Do it now. But don't doubt how wonderful you are, your writing, your photography. Cause you are :)

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  24. it's so good to allow yourself permission to start over...daily! ;)
    count me in.
    xooxoxoxooxoxoxooxox

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  25. I don't think I will ever stop caring what other people think of me...but is that a really terrible thing? I just don't want it to mean too much...I probably will never call myself a photographer either...but I hope I always find it fun...

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  26. Been there, done that, still trying to figure it out... but I take it one day at a time.
    xo jj

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  27. Gosh Beth I do believe this is the hardest part of being a woman and God knows on this page I'd love to be a guy. So I hear you my friend. Same page, same thing, same doubts.
    But you rock you know, big time when it comes to your wonderful way of telling your story and even more so in your way of seeing things trough the lens. So do carry on and we'll be here nagging about it together. And even better so, helping the other out of the deep pit.
    Be well my friend. Wonderful soft hugs ever Dagmar

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  28. Great post. I'd love to join you in starting over and not caring what people think. I'm ready to do my best work.

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  29. I know I have tons of self-doubt! As a SAHM, I feel inadequate and unimportant. I don't have a prestigious title or feel glamorous on any given day. I am a taxi cab driver, chef, tutor, maid, butler, laundromat attendant, nurse, chicken farmer, quite-amateur photographer, seamstress and many others, but none of these titles make me feel important.

    I struggle daily with the feeling of "stepping on toes". Through all of these issues, I find my peace in praying to God and giving it over to him. When I can totally let go, it's a good feeling but, somehow, eventually, it always creeps back to haunt me. Perhaps I'm not fully letting go. It's hard and something that I struggle with.

    Your photography is phenomenal! And your writing is truly outstanding. I'm always excited to see what inspiring things you've posted. Don't doubt yourself, you're work is wonderful! I wish I could write and photograph half as well as you do!

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  30. Yes, I want to join you. Where does the line form? I've been really struggling with this issue lately, especially as it pertains to the caretaking of my elderly parents. I seem to have gotten lost in the shuffle.

    Thank you for this timely post.

    donna

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  31. I think we'll always care. We'll always have self doubt. The thing is -- self doubt doesn't have to get out of control if our little editor scratches it out right away.

    I know your photos will sell because they are lovely. (She said, hoping her cards are doing well now that Valentine's day is past...) When we're true to ourselves, we aren't doing something wrong. If we do, we'll know...!

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  32. i am sure many can relate to how you feel - i know i can. oh, how i love that quote. just love it!!

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  33. This post is exactly what I write about most on my blog, I guess because I have struggled with it for so long. But last year I had a break through and I have been set free to do my best work without trying to please everyone. Of course those old thoughts creep back in sometimes and I worry about something i wrote or hesitate to even write it but that is not me anymore. Thanks for this reminder and the pic is excellent.

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  34. Oh God..these are the kinds of thoughts that plague me way more often than I am willing to admit to myself. I looonnggg to be set free!
    That quote gives me hope.

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**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth