May 3, 2010

i might need a mouth guard....

it's so easy
to turn your head and look the other way
~
unless you're a parent
~
when you're a parent
everything is right in front of you
constantly
and
you do the best with the circumstances you've been given
and
you question what you do
and
what you say
and
of course how you say it and how often you say it and the tone of voice you use when you say it
~
you wander the aisles at the bookstore
aimlessly
reading titles
hoping to find one that fits
but realizing
that even the one titled
"parenting for idiots"
won't work
~
so you watch dr. phil
thinking he might have the answers
but
you switch the channel half way through
realizing that today it's all about a man who faked his own death
~
so back to the drawing board
you crawl
and
your girlfriend reminds you that all you can do
~that the only power you have~
is to love
~
that everything parenting brings to the table
can and will hurt at some point
and
anger will rise and want to lift you like a balloon while frustration tastes like dirt in your mouth
but
that all you can do
is love
~~
so we love
~with our teeth clenched~
{she never said we couldn't clench our teeth}
because
that's what parents do
*



33 comments:

  1. ahhh, if only we were gifted with parallel lives, or at least the view of parallel lives, so that we could know what would happen if we did this as opposed to that,if we could see down the road and know the consequences of each choice possible. but not so, so you do the best you can, and i am sure it is right. i am not a mom, but looking in from the outside, it looks quite hard.

    xoxo
    Debi

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  2. Yes! A lot of teeth clenching is so true!! And tears...don't forget tears!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  3. We are parents forever. There is no time expiration. The parental love also means pain and letting go. I don't think there is a book that could teach parenting. Only living the experience, one day at a time.

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  4. Oh dear....you are doing all that you can do. Keep on keepin' on, sweetie.
    xoxo

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  5. Or you can walk through the bookstore aisle and get the biggest fattest book and use it to clunk the kid on the head. OK OK Just Kidding! Big squeeze hug my friend. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, bring out the baby pictures and know that this will pass and he'll be a dad someday too. Paybacks.

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  6. Love them, and love yourself, and know that you are doing the best you know how in this moment.
    Big love to you, Beautiful Momma !

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  7. A look into the future would be the best form of birth control, I think. I once had a very young woman tell me she hoped she got pregnant again because she would get better section 8 housing ( she
    was barely caring for the four children she had )

    I survived my son's adolescence - two of them were teens at the same time ( I know that's when my gray hair started - of course, I was 38and 40 when they were born! ). They are wonderful boys, all three of them and, really, they never caused me too much grief at all but I did find plenty about which to complain.

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  8. Oh, I am so there right now. And it is hard, and it doesn't get easier just because they are "grown," which implies finished, but they are not finished, parenting is never finished, it just is. And love, that is all you can do. After a point you just have to assume that you taught them all you could, did the best you could, and now, it is up to them to fly the path that they are on. But I know those clenched teeth, I do. Why does it seem to take them so much longer to grow up these days?

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  9. Those of us who are parents know exactly where you are right now...parenting is the hardest job...often filled with worries, regrets, guilt,...often filled with love, pride, joy...

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  10. Tough love is hard love ...unconditional puppy love is easy but there has to be a middle love. Why didn't our mothers tell us it was hard to be a mom?Hang in there!

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  11. Yep...totally get this. 100% behind you. Lot's of teeth clenching and tears along the way. ((hugs)) to you. xoxo

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  12. I thought it was my poem for a second there until I read the part about "parenting for idiots". At first I thought it said "parenting idiots" in which case it would have been about me and my kids. Then I reread. Where am I going with this? Clearly not as poetic as you are, but I can SOOOO relate. The kiddos will do us in. Your friend is right. All you can do is love. I love, pray, clench my teeth, curse, all of the above. :)

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  13. Clenching right along with you... and even my fingers clench from time to time... yikes. Parenting ain't for sissies, thats for sure. You may be on to something... eat, clench, love.

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  14. hang in there, love. the good thing about friends is that they can hold you up, even when they can't take your pain.

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  15. and there are things you'll wish you could heal and help but in the end all you can do is love...i understand, friend, i understand. xx s

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  16. Parenting, by far, the hardest job ever.
    Parenting, by far, the most rewarding job ever, because it's so damn hard.
    Even Doc Phil doesn't have the answer.
    I think each parent has to find their own answer, and it may be different for each.
    I remember my wife saying to my youngest recently as she was making a point about something. She said, "I am not your friend, I'm your parent," meaning we just made a certain decision from a parental stand point, not from a friendship standpoint.
    Parenting never ends, but I can attest as they get older, and smarter, they do become your friend.
    I have 3 girls.
    My oldest now is a friend, and it's fun to watch her navigate the adult waters.
    My middle one is dangling on the border, she's almost there.
    My youngest, we're still parenting like crazy.
    I think it's just a very normal progression.
    Listen to me, like I'm Doctor Phil or something. Hey, we just wing it, do what we think is right, and hope for the best.
    Hang in there.

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  17. Here's a big virtual hug for you.... ((0))

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  18. ((hugs)) and lots of wine...

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  19. i'm thinking you're right and we might ought to say '....with unclenching love...' which applies to the parenting, partnering, caring and sharing in our lives and actually having to consciously think about the clenching and unclenching that we're doing

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  20. urgh...parenting...the hardest job on the planet to do...sometimes, its bad but that only makes you live for the good times because when its good...its goooooooooooooooood....hang in there, lady.

    HUGE HUG'S

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  21. I loved Elena's comment above.
    It' s exasperating, glorious, and non stop.

    big cyber hug. My older two came home from university , and already the house and any sort of routine is in shambles. Not to mention my nerves.

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  22. Yes, they keep us humble and on our knees...
    Have you read the book "The Five Love Languages of Teenagers" by Gary Chapman? (ISBN: 1-881273-39-3)
    I just grab it sometimes and re-read it.

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  23. You will always clench your teeth when you love. But you will love. And you will get through it, even if you sometimes wonder when or how. You WILL.

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  24. And finally - they grow up - they "get it" - the "it" is what you told them over and over in many ways. You just need to keep believing that they love you as much as you love them. Because someday, they'll realize that they do! It's difficult - very difficult. But, very worthwhile.

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  25. Well now. You've put it so very aptly here. It's loving through clenched teeth!

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  26. We do all that we do because of because of love.

    As a child you think your mum can fix anything but as a mum you think you can't fix enough.

    Love is the most important ingredient we can give a child, so keep just keep giving.

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  27. This is so beautiful. And coming from a child, all you mothers do a pretty great job.

    I hope your Mother's Day is just what you deserve, Beth!

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  28. All we can do is to do the best we know to do. And yes, sometimes with clenched teeth.

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  29. One day that son is going to say Thank you, I love you. He already knows that, happier days ahead. I five you a big ole Canadian hug, and I will fix you a drink...hugs to you.

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  30. Parenting...the hardest job you will ever love!

    Sigh

    Peace and (((Hugs)))

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  31. Beth...keep loving, real hard....and then harder...it really does get easier...some other day! ( I promise, it really does)

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  32. so beautiful put. somedays there's a lot of clenching -especially with a teenager/young adult child.

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**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth