October 3, 2009

my hands are full...

my hands are full
and
lately I feel like I've been doing a really shitty job of juggling
"all the balls"
in my life
~~
have you ever lived your life in such a way
where everything felt pretty easy and a smile stayed glued to the corners of your mouth
even when you were doing the grossest laundry and cleaning up dog puke
and
then all of a sudden you got sucker punched in the gut
so hard with that so called easy life
that in the process of bending over to catch your breath you lost your balance
and
ended up on the floor in a fetal position
and
then decided that a few days or even a few weeks in that position
might not be so bad after all
because if you closed your eyes tight enough with your knees up against you chest
your breathing wasn't as labored as when you first got knocked down
?
please tell me you have
please tell me I'm not alone
*




42 comments:

  1. ... relating deeply to your post tonight ...

    be well,
    ~m

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  2. I have. You are NOT alone. And, if you get your breath back to ask for help and I can provide it, please let me.

    You are LOVED. And, this too, will pass. I promise. It will be as it is meant to be for everyone's highest good and learning.

    Minute to minute is all you can manage...so take it minute by minute.

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  3. Times like these make you realize that you just can't do it all, even if that's what drives you in your soul...it's healthy, acceptable and positive to just step back from it all...no one expects anyone to do it all, even your family.

    Call if you need anything, you know where to find me.

    xoxox

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  4. Oh yeah, been there done that. My advice is to just keep breathing--- In and out, in and out, in and out.
    Hang in there. I'm here for you.
    xo

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  5. i do think we've all felt like that, but the best part is that the feeling always passes.

    hoping you'll feel better soon!

    xox,
    /j

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  6. p.s. love the BIG picture. :-)

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  7. Oh, yes. I have felt like that. Sometimes it's a feeling that hovers. Other times it moves in, takes over. I prefer to call those times my cocooning, in lead up to a new metamorphosis. Just take it as it comes. Another day, another moment will bring you back. Soon. Be in it. And when something better moves you, be in that.

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  8. yes. i've felt like that.

    p.s. love the post photo and love your new blog header. sorry if it's been up there a couple of days...i've been busy.

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  9. Yes I have felt like this at time too. You are not alone, and on one will hold it against you for feeling this way.

    I hope you are back on your feet breathing easier soon.

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  10. Yes...

    big love to you and I hope like me this time for you becomes a distant memory.

    Well done for sharing.

    take care
    love Ribbon

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  11. definitely not alone beth. i am thinking of you and i am hoping that you will be able to find an easier breathing pattern in that curled up childlike position. it is a good place to return to.

    i felt like this all of last week and i realised that it is largely my own fault. i simply take on too much and end up enjoying nothing.

    my solution? i simply cleared my diary... i cancelled all the appointments and did nothing apart from lying in front of the fire in my pyjamas with my favourite book.

    i feel better but now i need to keep some space clear on a permanent basis.

    a hug and some more,
    me

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  12. you are sooooooo not alone on this one beth - soooo not!! sending love your way. xx s

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  13. You are not alone. And you are loved, big time.
    Breathe, beautiful One, Breathe...

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  14. Yes Beth, I've been to that place before. I was sucker punched with some news once that hurt my heart so bad that It felt like my soul detached from my body and I experienced tunnel vision. I could see the person telling me the news getting farther and farther away and there were black spots burring my vision. I finally got sucked back into my body, made some excuse, walked to my car and sobbed until my eyes were so swollen I could barely see to drive. Then, I had to go to my office, clean up my face and go home and pretend like nothing was wrong.

    Sometimes, I look back on that day and it still stings, but I know that what happened was the best thing for me, even if I don't like admitting that.

    Everything happens for a reason. Our job is to find the hidden opportunity among all the stuff that's making us feel bad and/or to discover the meaning behind the lesson it's trying to teach us. Sometimes, it hits us really hard and knocks us down to get our attention.

    I hope you feel better soon and everything works out for you.

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  15. Yes Beth, I've been there too and you're so not alone in this.

    I'm so sorry you're going through this but one thing I know to be true is that you will come out of it stronger and clearer and truer to you.

    ((hugs))

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  16. I think most of us are haunted deep within by a sense of lost perfection, by the nagging feeling not just that things could be better but that they once were better; that we can actually, in our hearts, recall a feeling of joy that we cannot reproduce, and that is our ultimtae agony. It's not just that we can imagine utter happiness, it's that we've tasted it, nothing else tastes the same, which is why so much of life is so bitterly sweet.

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  17. So many times I have been there you are not alone in this feeling. I hope you have better days Beth. You are so talented- your light shines through your beautiful photography.

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  18. Oh Beth~ Oh yes, I have felt that way and am feeling it now. PLEASE know you ARE NOT alone! Sending good, happy, comforting thoughts, prayers, and wishes to you, dear friend~

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  19. Holding you in my heart in prayer and know {from experience} that God will give you beauty to replace the ashes

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  20. Oh yes, it happens and lately when it does I can actually tell myself it's gonna pass and that I can't let it consume me (although it always pretty much does). Don't dwell, do something for you... if that means going to bed and fetalling (that's my word for it) then do it... f&*@ everyone else. Sending you positive vibes!!!!!!

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  21. Oh, do I understand EXACTLY what you you are saying! Love your eloquent description, perfect! :)
    You are not alone, you are in good company! :)

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  22. you're never alone honey. hope you're better soon. I wish I could help more than that.

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  23. Oh Beth ... oh so sorry ... my daughter just found herself down there too ... thank goodness with the good fortune of a visit home with Mom for two days ... we just held on knowing these things come to us all and a blanket, some tea, a gentle hand and a hug go a long way. It's not you ... it's a way to set our controls, so that we can appreciate those highs all the more.

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  24. I call it the Darkness, when I feel as though I've fallen into the deepest pit, and can see no light. Finally climbing out the last couple of days myself. Awful, awful. Take care of yourself and try to release all of those SHOULDS in life (I should do this, should do that...)

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  25. i'm so sorry you are in a difficult place. yes, we have all been there. sending hugs! xo

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  26. you most certaintly are not alone. I can relate deeply with your words here. It is tough to be in this place. I am here if you want to talk.

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  27. those are the time when we can seem to balance on the precarious edge of what is good, the hope , the search for beauty etc.
    rest your soul...

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  28. I am right there with you right now. Hang in there. That's all we can do.

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  29. beth...the fetal position is comforting at times...does that sound weird? I love you and care about your ups and also your downs...

    your photo is so right...

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  30. definitely not alone, Beth.... Breathe....

    ... and feel better

    soon.

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  31. been there, felt that, survived it! you will too.

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  32. this is when i prescribe one hot chocolate a funny film that can be watched while in bed under your most comfy blanket...hang in there...been there....and know i will probably be there again...life's challenges boy they suck sometimes.
    kt

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  33. No love you're not allone here. I feel totaly the same. Jesse's bike got stolen, work is hell, money was withdrawn from our bank accound just like that and we don't get it returned after all the struggle we've put into it (and it was a LOT), Michel makes weeks over the 80 hours, Mac is like a clown playing jokes on me....and then there's the rest of the world needing something from me???? Please don't! So there you go, I feel like you LOTS. Were am I for godshake? I wish I could say...down on the floor sleeping for three weeks. Sweet hugs I'm thinking of you lots. Dagmar

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  34. You are certainly not alone. I hope you're feeling better. Take comfort in knowing that we've all been there. I truly appreciate you writing about your true feelings right now. Blog land seems to be all about sugary sweetness all the time and I think, as women, we're supposed to always give the appearance that everything is wonderful but, God knows, it's not always the case.

    Take care and God bless.

    ~ Wendy
    http://Crickleberrycottage.blogspot.com/

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  35. It's Wendy, again. I just read all of the comments that have been left for you. I feel so truly blessed to be a part of the world of blogging. The wisdom that was a part of every one of the comments is just incredible. What a wonderful group of women you all are.

    Namaste ~ Wendy
    http://Crickleberrycottage.blogspot.com/

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  36. Oh Beth, I hope you are feeling a little bit better today. Look at all the love that is surrounding you here. I love you too. And I hope the sun comes and smiles down on you, warming your curled up soul and making everything feel ok again. It will feel ok again. These are the times when change is welcome. And it's one thing we are guaranteed of. The sun will shine again for you.
    Love and hugs
    xoxoxoxo

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  37. (((hugs)))

    I just LOVE this photograph Beth!

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  38. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. Sucker punched in the gut. Juggling. Oh, yeah. You're not alone. And this too will pass. Just breathe. Deeply and lots!

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  39. Not alone at all, mi amor... juggling all those balls I have dropped them on my head for quite a knock out... hang in there...

    (((hugs))),
    love,
    me

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  40. No, sweet pea. You are not alone. In fact, that's me this school year. All school year, if you want the truth. No, you aren't alone. I do love you, my friend. I do.

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**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth