I'm not sure at all where I'm going with this...

but

before I fell in love with photography

I was an artist

kind of

sort of

~~

okay

I have a great art studio and it's filled with everything mixed media

and

I have taken loads of art classes

and

I was published in two magazines and a book

but still

I have never felt like an artist and choked when I tried to call myself one

~

similar to now

when someone asks what I do

and

I muffle out "I'm a photographer" and mix it with a little cough

into my shoulder

and

then look up to see their reaction

~~

I don't know why I do this

since I'm so very proud of the work I do

but I do

~~

anyhow

lately I've been playing with a new box of crayons

and

I feel like a kid again

~

who knew layers and textures could be so much fun

{well misty did and she's been my inspiration}

yet

frustrating and time consuming

~but that's a whole other story~

~~

so yesterday

after misty and suzanne

~and now lots more of you~

told me how much they loved my new banner

and

jaime asked me how I created it

well

I decided that maybe that artist in me

that I never really acknowledged enough

was getting a little jealous of the photographer

who gets a bit more attention these days

and

that maybe they should learn to run around on the playground

together

and

play

~~

and

then I thought

maybe my clients would like something different

and

that maybe these could be printed on graduation cards

or

on a big wrapped canvas

~~

but now I'm getting ahead of myself

since I haven't even done a test run with a simple 4x6 print

~~

that's on my to-do list today

~

so

I'll let you know what happens

but

in the meantime

I'm going to keep hoping that I don't have to kick anyone of the teeter-totter

*

it's the simple things that make me smile the most...

peeling paint on an old brick wall

~

pillow wrinkles on my face from a sound sleep

~

making the choice to be happy

~

being out of breath from excitement

~

taking photos of strangers

~

fall leaves that want to stay

~

a slow walk in our prairie

~

a smile created with only your eyes

~

finding a heart shaped rock

~

talking to my best friend

~

seeing nature's beauty on a grey day

~

seeing my hubby light up when he sees me

~~~~~

this is just a tiny dent on my

"simple things list"

organized by

the fabulous

christina

~

please take the time

~you'll need lots of it~

to read all the posts from all the bloggers

who love christina

~so much~

and

are sharing their simple things

with all of you

*

oh baby...

I haven't held a 2 week old baby

in what seems like forever

and

let me tell you this one

is

extraordinary

my photo shoot

was to take place while she was sound asleep

completely out cold

drunk

on her momma's milk

so I could mold her

back into a fetal position

but

she decided today would be the day

to actually stay awake all afternoon

~except for 2 minutes~

and

fool her parents

and

me

into thinking she had a schedule

so we're going to try this again

next week

~

and

oh

I can hardly wait

I really had forgotten how good a baby feels in your arms

*

it's always there...

today

see only the beauty in front of you

~~

I see

spilled milk on the kitchen counter

an ink stain on his favorite jeans

popsicle wrappers under his favorite chair

my messy desk

dried lean cuisine innards on a knife used 3 days ago but found just now

my unmade bed

the remains of what was once a pop-tart living on the arm of a chair

piles of laundry

crumbs from chewed up dog treats in the carpet

and

expired coupons all over the counter still thinking they might get used

~~

tomorrow

all of this might be really ugly

but

today

it's warm outside

and

the sun is shining

~even though they called for rain~

so

beauty

it is

*

and my second toe is longer than my big toe...

I don't have any glamourous features

that you'll remember

~~

no big brown eyes to fall into

no lips so full they remind you of the moon

legs that go on forever

nope

not those either

~~

no athletic shoulders

or

muscular abs

~~

no thick hair that you secretly want to touch

no perfectly blushed cheeks

or

snow capped teeth that will blind you

~~

but

I have ears that will listen and understand the pain you carry inside

and

a heart that will hold you close

~~

my arms will always be able to wrap around you like a blanket

and

keep you safe from your own ugly thoughts

~~

my fingers will gently wipe away the tears you don't feel

but

that I see

~~

and

when the day is over

and

the night is thick with darkness

I'll be there with a flashlight

under my chin to scare you

and

you'll throw a pillow at me

and

then we'll dance to music turned up so loud that you'll only see my lips

move when I say

"everything's gonna be alright"

~~

that's what you'll remember

about me

~

oh

and

maybe

that my neck is giraffe like

*

and maybe even a small oil leak...

I think

of the seemingly ordinary things I do

day in and day out

without any hoopla or party hats

and

how each morning after not enough sleep

I get up and do all those things again

~~

parenting does not fall into that

"seemingly ordinary"

category

~

~not even remotely close~

~

lately

I feel like I've been driving an old car

with worn brake pads and no power steering

on a long gravely road

with hair pin turns

and

hills

on top of a mountain

where the oxygen is too thin

~

my knuckles are sore from holding on so tight

and

my head pounds and my body aches

but

as a mom

this is what I have to do

~

I have to hold on

~~

and

it's not easy

actually

it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do

~~

I'm learning

that even with an immeasurable amount of love

sometimes liking your children

is as hard as the cement they might fall on

while trying their best to run from you

while thinking

everything you do or say is stupid

~~

maybe soon

he'll see

my weathered knuckles and how hard I'm holding on

trying to keep him safe and on the right track

and

that I'm really not as stupid as he believes

but instead

I'm just a mom

who loves her son

~~

oh

how I hope he does

*

siblings...

my children

~now both full fledged adults at 18 and 21~

whined and complained

when I mentioned those two awful words

"photo and shoot"

and

then pointed to both of them

~~

they gave me 30 minutes this past sunday afternoon to

"get the job done"

and

surprisingly

I did get a few that will work for our christmas cards

but

most of them turned out like this

where the love factor was just overflowing

and

made me wish that I had given birth to 6 or 7 more

just like them

~

not

*