wants and needs

I want

to sit

in your lap

and feel your heart pound

as you talk about your dreams

~~~~~

I want

to lay

on the ground

with our heads side by side

to see if what you see in the clouds

is what I see

~~~~~

I want

to dance

with you under the moon light

to see if our

shadows

move in the same direction

~~~~~

I want

to stand

with our backs together

to see if you know what

I'm thinking

if you can't see my face

~~~~~

I want

to talk

about life

for so many hours

that the only thing

that stops us

is sleep

~~~~~

I want

to hold

you so tightly that

we lose sight of where

you start

and I stop

~~~~~
I want

my wants

to be what you

need

tears and sadness

I wasn't sure if I wanted to write about this

to share it

and

cry about it again

but I can see

that

my mind won't ever let it go

completely

and then

I decided that maybe letting the words

and feelings spill out of me

would soothe my soul

at least

a little

~~~~~

10 days ago

a friend

someone who I knew

while we lived in Indiana

took her own life

~~~~~

she wasn't my best friend

I didn't see her everyday

she never ate a meal at my house

but

she was part of our group

our group

of friends

where we were the stay at home moms

who belonged to women's club

and went to parties

together

~~~~~

she was a mom

who devoted herself to her children

a loving wife

a daughter

and a friend

~~~~~

and then one day

for reasons no one will ever know

she decided

that her life

just wasn't worth living anymore

~~~~~

my thoughts and prayers

are with her husband and children

~~~~~

as

we all try to understand

the sadness of it all

and the fact that

a hole

has been made

in the cover

we call life

what you don't see.... or.... maybe you do

sometimes I'm really protective of my heart

but most often

I wear it on my sleeve

where it can be....

tugged at

filled

hurt

held

questioned

stomped on

loved

stroked

mended

opened

quieted

restless

wobbly

exhausted

excited

free

soulful

thoughtful

and

guarded

maybe keeping my heart out there for all the world to see

isn't really even seen

the way I think it is

maybe it causes me to have expectaions

that aren't realistic

maybe it makes me too vulnerable

maybe it makes me too sensitive

maybe wearing my heart on my sleeve

prevents me from growing into my dreams

or maybe

just maybe

it's everything

that makes me

me

where the heart is......

By now I think you all know how much I love our cottage.

We were just there on what we called "a real vacation" as it's the first time

that we've been there for more than just a few days...

this time, 11 whole days !

But honestly, even when we can only spend a weekend there

it still feels like a vacation.

ANYHOW....

we were blessed to have the wonderful Bill and Kathy,

of the famous Valley Ridge Art Studio,

come visit us.

Now granted, we have had many visitors

and many compliments,

but what Kathy wrote after they had visited....

well, I just had to share it with all of you.

{and she said I could}

Hi Beth,
A great big thank you to you and John for having us. We are still talking about you two.... seriously...
We don't see many homes or cottages that we are "nuts" about, but your place literally has been a gift to visit. Everything is perfect, and I mean PERFECT with thoughtful attention to detail. I am incredibly sensitive to aesthetics and I loved what you and John have created. I told Bill, when we were driving in, that I could feel the energy of the land. You two have a magical and loved land... it is obvious, a harmonious relationship you and John have established.
Namaste,
Kathy and Bill

{seriously, how beautiful is that ??}

wandering thoughts

Sometimes....

we search and search

for the answers

to the questions

that fill our minds

~~~~~

but do we

ever really find the answers

that we're looking for

or are we just left

with new

questions ?

~~~~~

I've been on vacation now for 10 days

and it's been filled with love, chocolate, a great book and lots of music

So that you can share a little part of my vacation with me,

here's an artist I love.

Oh, and the chocolate....twix bars....everyday.

And the book...."the pact" by jodi piccoult.

Oops....and the love....well I do have to have some secrets !!

maybe when "I" means "all of us"...

maybe instead of thinking something is funny

I should be concerned

maybe instead of talking so much

I should be listening

maybe instead of thinking that I know what your life is about

I should be working on getting to you know you better

maybe instead of taking you for granted

I should be more thankful for everyday with you

maybe instead of assuming you are okay

I should be asking

maybe instead of thinking my problems are the most important

I should be helping you with yours

maybe instead of only seeing what I think is important

I should be concerned about your thoughts, too

maybe instead of always being right

I should be okay with being wrong

maybe instead of going at a speed too fast for most

I should slow down and wait

maybe instead of saying something that might hurt your feelings

I should be quiet and just enjoy your company

maybe instead of thinking and worrying that I'm doing some things wrong

I should realize that I have done some things right

~~~~~

All of us are in some kind of a relationship, many of them long term, where maybe we catch ourselves not being quite as wonderful as we were at the beginning.

Or trying as hard.

But

relationships are hard.

It's easy to take them all for granted.

Whether you are a spouse, a friend, a child, a co-worker, a parent, an in-law or a sibling,

you're in a relationship,

and relationships take time and work,

always

no matter what.

And as I wrote this,

not even sure what prompted it,

and I thought about the relationships I have,

the relationships I live with everyday,

I decided that I've been blessed...

really blessed,

with each and everyone I have

and to take any of them for granted,

without working on them every now and then

is like buying a plant

and never watering it.

So from now on

I'm going to keep my watering can

close at hand.

he'a a junior counselor at camp ....AND

this is what he looks like...

along with his senior counselor and one of
the dirt biking campers.

All cleaned up, he's now performing on stage....

and if I know him like I think I do,

I'm sure there was some

dancing involved.

I'll have to ask him when he gets home

what the stick was used for...

or is that pool cue ???

~~~~~

And as I sit here at the cottage

getting to view

the camp online photo album,

I'm thrilled to know that indeed,

he's a happy kid...

no longer the camper

that he's been for the last 7 years,

instead

being a role model...

someone the campers look up to.

And I hope that at least one little boy

will go home and tell his parents

"I want to be just like my counselor someday"

Happy Father's Day

To the man who makes me laugh every day without fail

and helps make all my dreams come true....
who isn't afraid to tackle anything

and who has brought into this world

two children

who would not be the wonderful young adults they are

without his guidance

and love.

Happy Father's Day

YOU'RE the BEST !!!

{sorry for the photos that are two years old...

but they told the best story...}

holding on....letting go

I try to let go

of what I don't need,

but some things in life

must be squeezed onto

ever so tightly.

~~~~~

I'm learning

that holding onto "things" is not healthy

and I've actually gotten better

over the last few years...

enough so to even surprise myself.

~~~~~

I have boxes

of "things" that are packed

and ready

for a summer garage sale

and surprisingly,

I don't have

any bad or sad feelings

that my "things"

will go away, never to been seen again...

I'm learning.

~~~~~

I have too many

bags and purses filling my closet...

probably over the amount that is considered healthy by some

but slowly, one by one

I'm letting these go, too.

I'm learning.

~~~~~

What I do hold onto though

and find impossible to

let go of...

are my

dreams....

wonderful, sweet, filling, lively, eye opening

dreams....

and

thoughts

and

ideas.

These I cherish...each and everyone of them...

the good, the bad, the right, the wrong

I hold onto all of them,

tightly,

as they are mine

and

only mine.

~~~~~

And

although my dreams and thoughts and ideas

aren't "things"

the weight of them is

immeasureable

and they are something I'm willing

to carry with me

everyday of my life.

I'm learning

when you're not looking.....

This is a spider bite.

3 days old...

When I went to the doctor

she said,

"yep" that's a spider bite...

~red at the bite site

~with a white bullseye around it

~and a red ring around that

and now I'm suffering having to take

horse sized antibiotics for 10 days

I LOVE SUMMER !!!

This morning our son left for camp

on a 6AM flight

headed to Indiana

Needless to say

we were all up very early

and the sun

was beautiful.

I stepped outside with Sophie

and this is what greeted me.

and then this shadow

welcomed me into my office.

I LOVE SUMMER

baffled this weekend at our cottage

mask or no mask~I know who you are !
and boy do I see you !!!

I'm in my early forties

and I'm thrilled that I've made it this far.

~~~~~

My life has been pretty easy

so I can't complain.

I have love...lots of love

and

roofs over my head

and

a studio to play in

and

a hubby who fills my heart, makes me laugh and spoils me rotten

and

kids who "get me"

~~~~~

BUT

what I don't have

is a way

to keep these furry

little punks

out of my birdfeeders.

~~~~~

Yep,

they're cute.

I mean really,

look at those feet.

And the fact that they think

the animal baffle

we put up to keep them away

is a very convenient stool in which to sit on.

~~~~~

So I'm begging you

all of you

Pleeeaaassse........

help me

how to I keep the raccoons away from the feeders ??

it really did

The heavy blanket of winter

that sucked so much life out me has finally left.

It's sad to think that it's taken this long,

but it has and it did

and now I have a fresh start,

again.

~~~~~

The air around me today is humid

slightly sticky

and oh so warm

and I wouldn't want it any other way.

The strong winds are blowing

my hair everywhere,

but it's freeing up my

my thoughts

and sending them to happy places

and I feel alive again.

~~~~~

Summer is an amazing adventure.

It's not long enough,

it's never long enough

and the thought of that saddens my soul,

but

I will go outside today

soak in all the warmth this body can hold

and live in the moment.

~~~~~

Want to join me ?

kinda like this

I look like this sometimes,

even if you don't see it.

~~~~~

The days

where I can't

seem to catch my breath.

The days

where I feel like

I'm suffocating.

The days

where I'm

swimming in circles.

The days

where I'm

scared.

~~~~~

I've had a few too many of those days lately....

but today

my internet repair man

showed up

and got me up and running

and once again

I

can

breathe....

big, deep blog breaths

because

I'm a geek

who loves

her computer.

monday~note to self

If we threw all of our problems

into a huge pile

and saw

the problems

that everyone else had thrown in...

we'd grab

ours back