July 31, 2009

wondering why...


I try to share what's real in my life in this space I call mine
and
because of that I have been blessed with a support group
that I refer to as
my tribe
my blog loves
my guardian angels
my friends
~~
so why someone chose to blast me and my post yesterday
is beyond me
as I was always told that
"if you can't say something nice
don't say anything at all"
~
I don't want to give the person who couldn't put a name behind their words
any time and attention on my blog
but
because I erased the comment
~with the speed of a gazelle~
which splattered itself on my screen like a bug on a windshield
and
left a few of you wondering what was going on
I felt the need to at least tell you a bit about it
~
the little snake
didn't think that having a difficult son to deal with was a big enough problem for me to write about
and
that obviously I have never had anything hard to deal with in my life
and
that I should get my head out of the clouds
and
how dare I take a mental break by going out and taking pictures
~
yep just like that
I was wounded
but with nothing a tiny band aid couldn't fix
~
what I focused on instead
were
the personal emails many of you sent to me which are now cherished gifts
along with all the comments
filled with support and love and guidance and understanding

I have to believe or at least want to believe that the person who left such an ugly note
doesn't know me
doesn't have children or teenagers
doesn't understand that I have feelings
or
~what I tend to believe~
simply
doesn't have a heart
~~
because I was sensitive and emotional and unzipped and vulnerable
I shed tears yesterday
after talking with my daughter
after talking with my hubby
after reading all the supportive notes and comments that were sent to me
after reading notes from my sister-in-law and mother-in-law
and
while talking with my mom as she gave me her shoulder
that my eyes screamed for a break while my heart was bursting with love
~~
so to the heartless nameless snake
there you go
you got time and space on my blog
which almost makes me want to vomit
and
I hope
~actually I pray~
that you go away from here and leave me alone
as obviously what I write is of no interest to you
so why waste your time here
I hope
that you are a drifter stumbling here like a drunk on a street corner
not knowing who I am
and
without the ability to ever return
~
and
to char and joyce and cindy and toni and amanda and holly and shell and eileen and cam and suzanne and claire and mel and elk and kim and roban and angelica and pixiedust and tameka and
dani and alicia and patty and kate and sam and beth and laura
thank you for holding me up while I stumbled and swayed and banged my head against the wall
during another heart wrenching nerve bending throat parching hair pulling
teenage day
*

35 comments:

  1. ((hugs))

    I've never understood what it is that makes people spew venom like that......perhaps, like someone suggested, they're hurting themselves...perhaps they're hurting and don't have the loving support that many of us enjoy. I can only wish healing and peace upon them....right after I reach over and smack them....*grin*

    Hoping today is a brighter one....

    ~blessings~

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  2. As Glynda the Goodwitch dismissivly said to the W.W.of the W., "Be gone, be gone, you have no power here!"

    What you said? And, so say all of us.

    Hugs for a better day.

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  3. I love your blog! Your pictures are amazing! And everyone needs a little me time, obviously this person doesn't know that. Keep up the great picture taking and great blog posting!

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  4. Whew... I bet you feel a little tiny bit better after that!

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  5. I am just amazed at how heartless someone can be. If they don't like what you say then move on. Whomever must be a very sad and lonely individual and to be so cruel. Whomever it was should be ashamed of themselves and take a good look at themselves.Beth,your support system is always here for you...because of who you are and the warm, kind heart inside of you.Big Hug! Don't give that person another thought.

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  6. Nothing for the "unmentionable" ... but for you, "staying in the game" in the best next step. I am available anytime, anyplace with as much (or as little) wisdom as I can share, but gobs and gobs of understanding and love!

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  7. i have to say i love your words. over and over again, in this post, you shared such creative ways to get your point across. i'm sorry that someone who posted under anonymous, not even brave enough to own up to their words, hurt you, on a day when you were already feeling low. but i'm happy to see that you won't let them affect your posting, the words you choose to write. you will still be exactly who you are... oooo and please, keep turning to photography, your blog, whatever, when things get tough. everyone must have something to calm them, to help them think more clearly about situations, about life.

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  8. I just can't imagine taking time to just be mean. Why ? I do not get it, I will never get it. What do you get out of it but more mean in the world. Isn't there just too damn much of that anyway ? Oh well...
    In the face of mean snakes, you choose to just love bigger. That is the true good stuff, lovely, lovely beth. The snake may have gotten a mention, but the light and love and spirit of the beautiful YOU is what shone through a million times brighter in this post.
    I am truly grateful that you open your heart up here for me to see in every post you do. It is a gift in my life and inspires me to keep on doing the same ! Let's keep on loving BIG, sweet friend !

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  9. Whoa-I've been sick most of the week and have missed a lot. Ouch. I hope all's well, Beth. I'll have to read your previous posts to play catch-up but it sounds like someone nasty paid you a visit. I wouldn't pay any attention to it.

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  10. People who leave anonymous messages are cowards. They don't even have the spine to put their names to what they want to say.

    As long as we blog or use chat rooms or discussion boards there will always be people like your anonymous who thrill to put their bitterness out into the world. They lash out at others because they have a need that isn't met elsewhere.

    Best to just wrap this up in a tissue and flush it down the toilet...and move forward with those you value. ♥

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  11. Hi Beth. I've been reading you for a while. It amazes me how people will spew venom (especially anonymously). I'm sorry that happened to you. Deleting is good. It's your blog. If this person chooses to come back, there is a way to block them from commenting. I'd be glad to help if I can. Hang in there. I'm so glad you have supporting loving people in your life. Isn't it amazing how one a$$hole can knock us off our props? I am enjoying reading your blog and getting to know you a bit. Thanks.

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  12. I'm so sorry Beth that someone felt that it was o.k to leave a message intended to kick you when you were feeling down. I haven't read all of yesterdays post yet, but I do so in a moment.

    The internet is an amazing place however, and as you've highlighted, it is those that support and nourish us that are the most valuable.

    Peace

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  13. I am on vacation and vowed not to answer any blogs...but today I make an exception... I write about how hard it is being a Mom...it's not easy. Who ever left that comment obviously has their own issues and just wanted to make themselves feel better by making you feel bad. Remember that words are magic...you can CHOOSE to let them affect you or not. Choose not to let that bother you! It was left by someone you don't know and someone that does not know anything about your life. I know I don't know you, except through cyber space...but your beautiful and caring soul shines through. Thankfully, today is a new day and your troops have rallied beside you! In a few days the sting will be gone.

    I am sorry you had to go through that...

    Peace and ((hugs))!

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  14. You tell em, Beth! Nasty pieces of work in the world and in a way I feel quite sorry for them. Must be a horrible way to live to even think of saying something like that, let alone write it in a comment for all to see! I am so sorry that you had to go through that. Maybe it was a good thing the person stayed anonymous, I would not like to see what their views on general life were. Best of luck Beth.

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  15. It's amazing how nasty some people can be.....and to do it anonymously pretty much says it all, don't you think... I hope you have a much better day! Sending {hugs}!

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  16. I am never amazed at the gonads people have. Your blog is your blog to do with as you wish...that is why we have them, they are our little world in this big crazy one. I am so sorry you shed tears over this but I am so glad you are over it.

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  17. Anonymous is sometimes synonymous with CHICKENSHIT! Anyway, you're welcome for my useless comment yesterday (HA!); and you know where I am if you want me & Fluffy the Mafia Dog to break some kneecaps [or muzzle a sassy teenager for a few minutes so's you can have some peace!]. I love you, Darlin'.

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  18. Very well written! I am finding that you are just as talented as a writer as a photographer! I hope that person does just what you ask, moves on from here. They don't belong in this space.
    I miss your visits to my space. When you are done healing come on over.
    By the way, GORGEOUS images on this post!
    XO Shell

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  19. oh beth, my dear friend. what a horrible thing to have to put up with during a difficult parenting day. i just returned from my week away, and am sitting here in my pjs, telling myself i'll just take a peek into what everyone has been up to, and that i'll start commenting tomorrow. but i just had to stop long enough to send you a big warm hug - as warm as it can get virtually.

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  20. I just read your post from yesterday after reading the current one. I am baffled. "Whoever" is clearly someone who doesn't play well with others and needs to leave evidence of his/her viciousness like a trail of breadcrumbs. Pay no mind to the man behind the curtain, Beth. There are some people who feed on causing pain. At least he/she isn't out committing serial killings (as far as we know).

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  21. Nice work, Beth. You've come out on top .... at least, I hope that's what you feel.

    I'm still having funny things going on with your blog though, like the blog post title that shows in my blogger dashboard is not the one that comes up when I come here. happened this morning, and now it's still happening, even though it shows as a different post. Ah well. I'll come back and have a look tomorrow. A mysterious day.

    Hugs.

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  22. Thinking of you and sorry you had to put up with someone who clearly has no business here!!! Hang in there and keep on doing what you're doing...

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  23. Anytime, absolutely ANY time, you need it.

    I'm going to assume that the person who didn't think worrying about your teenager is a big deal doesn't have children, otherwise they'd know the heartache and the helplessness we often feel while our children grow up.

    Here's to you mama and all the goodness you do even with tears in your eyes.

    :-)

    (((HUGS))),
    Love,
    Me

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  24. Giving you a great big soul hug, right now...

    Putting yourself and your story out there for the masses is an incredibly risky venture. Sometimes you cast net, and you bring back enough goodness to feed your soul forever, and then other times, you get squat. Or, worse.

    Look at Nie. She and her family were going through so much, there aren't even words for the pain, the fear, they must endure, and they were getting terrible Anon comments. I think some people just circle blogs to make trouble. They are the genuine article when it comes to being a succubus.

    Hope yours has moved on...
    If not, do not let them get to you. It isn't someone genuinely attacking you, it is someone that wants some drama, and is just a mean spirited, little, little, person.

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  25. just like kojack would say-
    "who loves ya baby!"...i do...
    and i always gotcha back...xox

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  26. Beth this is so well written. Don't let him get to you. We all will block him were ever he needs to be stopped. We are on your side of the fence here. Take care.

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  27. beth, sorry to hear about the comment you received i felt so shocked when i read your post, shocked that someone would do that on your blog when all you do is put out such beauty and honesty. hope you are feeling better. xo kt

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  28. Sending a big cyber HUG.

    Lots of positive vibes sent your way.

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  29. There is no "longical" reason for someone to say something hurtful to another. There is no figuring it out or making sense of it. Painful words come from a lost place, a painful place...a damaged place. We can only bless them and send them on their way. (Not always easy to do when we feel attacked!)

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  30. what? who? really? SIGHHHHHHHH, and why? i don't get why people feel the need to be mean and say things that hurt others, esp publicly. i have had it happen in my comments, too... delete...shake your head, dust yourself off, find that warm beautiful smile, and keep on dancing with those around you that are there with you!

    keep shining darling, so we can keep feeling your light! xoxoxoxo

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  31. I always try to keep in mind that hurting people hurt people. No one has the right to be unkind or rude, but rather than respond in kind, you took the higher road. Thanks for setting that example. By the way, I am a veteran schoolteacher. I've seen just about everything.

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  32. Well, it seems I'm too late and missed the whole thing. Still. I'll say it again.

    I love you, sweet Beth. I love you.

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  33. I must have missed this post while I was on vacation. I can't believe anyone would be so mean or callous to write about that. Anyone who has ever loved a child and had to deal with challenges knows that it may be the most important thing in your life. Your blog is YOURS. It's your space and it's simply perfect. Good for you for deleting that thing. This is your spot to share with people who love you. And we do.

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**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth