April 6, 2013

weaned and wonderful.....


well, it's done. the anti-depressants are out of my system.
*
surprisingly, the weaning process was quick and relatively uneventful. i followed my doctor's orders, prepared myself for the worst {based on what i had read} and then took one giant leap for mankind. well, maybe that's a bit over the top compared to walking on the moon, but it felt {and continues to feel} that extraordinary.


what i hadn't realized until a couple of months ago, was the fog that my antidepressant had put me in. it wasn't always the same strength of fog, but it was always there. sometimes it would hover and thicken, requiring me to turn on, for lack of a better description, my internal fog lights. my inner weatherman would come out and announce visibility as being significantly low. proceed with caution...and concentrate hard on everything.


to counter act those feelings, i started drinking caffeinated anything again and plenty of it. i had been caffeine free for a number of years {okay fine, i still had an occasional diet pepsi} priding myself on that feat and making my ob/gyn very happy, but found that i now needed it. i needed it to feel less foggy and to prevent midday headaches and dizziness. so i played a game. a drug for this, caffeine for that and prayers that the tingling sensation at the base of my nose, near my eyes, wouldn't show up in the afternoon making me want to close up the game board and send all the little pieces flying.


as i continued to take my medication, as i continued to consume caffeine, as i continued to live in a fog, i continued to tell myself, "this isn't right. this isn't me. this isn't how i want to live." i got to the point where i knew that my migraines, the reason i was on antidepressants to begin with, weren't as bad or as agonizing as the daily fog that took me hostage everyday. i knew it was time to take my life back.


one of the side effects that i noticed the most, while living and breathing and talking in my self induced fog, was my inability to speak quickly. actually it wasn't always speed, but so often i was at a loss for the word or words i wanted to use next in a sentence, or i would mix up words and it was as if those words were all were running around together on my tongue and i was never quite sure if the right one would step forward at the appropriate time. it was similar to talking in tongue twisters, but way too often and not in a fun competitive way.


i know that for some people antidepressants are a lifesaver and that they truly couldn't function without being on them. i understand that completely and i applaud those people for being able to talk openly about their medications and share the fact that they suffer from depression. to all of you who have sent me private emails regarding your depression stories and talking about your depression medication, i can't thank you enough for sharing everything you have with me.

as timing would have it, i learned something on dr. oz earlier this week, that was very disturbing to me. the number of people like myself, who have been prescribed an antidepressant as a possible quick fix to another problem, is huge. for some it's anxiety, for some it's migraines, for others it's for weight loss....and the list goes on. this is a medication that the doctors are outraged about in regards to how quickly it's being given out by primary care physicians, who know that the "side effect" to any given antidepressant might help cure your issues, even though the drug is intended for depression. they stressed that the knowledge of antidepressants {and the distribution of them} is and should only be in the hands of those who know the true pharmacology of these drugs...psychologists. 

i know everyone has their own story and that we're all so different from one another, so all i'm doing here is sharing mine. this is the only platform i have and if with what i have opened up about, i help even one person make a change, google their medication, talk more thoroughly with their doctor in regards to their medication and in the long run, feel better than they do today, than i have succeeded. 
*


29 comments:

  1. Docs have been offering me anti-depressants for years for my fibro and PTSD. I have been reconsidering my stand against them, yet you are the third person in the very recent past to share your story and keep me standing my ground (so far).

    Thanks for your share and your honesty. I'm thinking the increased caffeine may be related to your migraines! I'll pray that cutting the caffeine back saves you from those nightmare brain stealers.

    Very happy for you.

    ( cue music "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone!")

    ReplyDelete
  2. The most important things you are doing -- listening to yourself, to your own voice and then doing what you needed to do with the assistance of your doctor (no one must ever just stop anti depressant medications cold turkey -- ever...it's a slow wean process for good reason) and you are talking about it so that others can benefit from what you have experienced and learned. Big applause Beth and even bigger hugs. xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for sharing this today. I am still having moments of doubt about my life although the worst of my depression has subsided. I opted not to take meds but recently I have been reconsidering. I want to feel good about my life again and lately too many things are coming at me at once and I am not coping very well. This helped me to decide for today to wait.

    ReplyDelete
  4. oh, beth. what you said in the second to last paragraph is so important. i was on them for a very short time years ago because a doctor very carelessly prescribed them to me when i did not at all need them. he didn't listen to my story and did not care to find out that my crying uncontrollably in his office was a very bad side effect of the ambien i was carelessly prescribed by another ignorant {or at best, negligent} doctor. the depression meds literally almost killed me. thankfully, brac had wisdom and stepped in and made me quit them cold turkey because he saw what they were doing to me. they were messing me up so bad. now, i don't discount that they work for and are needed by some. but i do agree that they are grossly mis-prescribed. it's very sad, and i think they have become a bandaid in our time and even something to exacerbate the problems that are underlying for many.

    that said, i had no idea you were even on them. {sorry.} but i do applaud you for going off them. and i am glad you were able to, especially without repercussions. love you! i hope we can get together soon, and we can chat about it all over some tea.

    ReplyDelete
  5. i am applauding you and using you for a role model as i begin to wean down (i don't ever expect to be off) my anti-anxiety meds. so much of what you wrote could apply to them as well as antidepressants. i am so so so proud of you.

    xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. Getting off medications is a powerful thing, if one can manage life and do with out them it is way better, depending on the medical history of the patient. Good job for taking control of your life and seeking another 'idea'. Hope for your recovery and future.

    ReplyDelete
  7. So happy that you are out of your fog and feelin' good, Beth!! Important and wonderful. I went off the migraine preventing anti depressant, too! I felt so dragged down tired all the time. I drank caffeine to wake up, but even though it would make me feel shaky, I could easily fall back to sleep. I didn't get a single migraine for the past five months, but...fog. One day at a time for me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for all you share. I am sure this will help not only you, but others. I wish you well in the next steps to healing and feeling like yourself, including talking more clearly.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This really is an important post, Beth, and I just so applaud your being able to talk openly about it. I've dealt with depression -- sometimes I think I've been dealing with it again, but sometimes not so I soldier on without meds. I know the meds work for certain things and other times they are (like lots of things) over-prescribed. When I was on them before, I was in a dark place.When I came off, it took a long while to be free of them (which is why I do NOT want to do them again.) It's always a tough and personal call. From all you say, I can tell you made the right one. Three cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I can't wait to hear how the migraines are after this. I sure hope you feel better. xo

    ReplyDelete
  11. My sister suffers from depression and has been under anti-depressants for a very long time now and I wish I could do more to help her. This candid and very personal post is helping me to understand a bit of how she might feel.
    I thank you so much Beth for being so honest and wish my sister would be here with me reading this (I would translate, she only speaks French). Thinking of you all the time xo

    ReplyDelete
  12. We all need to be our own health advocates and listen to those voices that tell us what we really need. Doctors practice medicine. That is what they know. We live in our bodies and we know them best!
    So glad your transition went well. And thank you for sharing your experience of listening to your Self.
    Big love, Brave One!

    ReplyDelete
  13. i'm SO happy for you, that the fog is clearing
    and the trail back off the drug was alot less eventful
    than you'd feared. big hooray for that!
    still sending hope and prayers for solutions in whatever
    way they find you.
    and thanks for this awesome info for all of us,
    Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
  14. More power to you, Beth. Weaning off of anything takes courage, I applaud you for your strength and huzzah! Deep in your heart you know what is right for you at any given moment. Sometimes it's hard to hear what our heart is saying but when we do listen, the message is clear. Love to you from me.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Was nice to read your honest post about using an antidepressant. I'm glad you had the courage to take charge of your body and well being....certain drugs aren't for everyone. Enjoy your new freedom Beth.

    ReplyDelete
  16. My mom took this and that to help with this and that, and each one of them came with its own side effects. I know that some people must have medications, but I'm leery of the domino effects they sometimes cause. Cheers to you for climbing out of your fog!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thank you for sharing Beth. I had come off my meds to have babies but when I had a massive panic attack (not typical for me.... ) my OB immediately put me on Zoloft; without even blinking. Zoloft doesn't work for me and I knew that but gave it a try. It didn't work so I stopped. Actually, was doing fine without my meds til my life went to hell and the very dark clouds descended again so unfortunately am one of those that has to take. But my point of all this is that, yes, doctors put people on them way too quickly. So I am underlying your message to have an intelligent conversation with your doctor about these or any meds. You're da bomb, Beth! I'm glad you are weaned! Here's to fog free living!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Good for you for listening to your own body. I hope you see things crystal clear now!

    Hugs~

    ReplyDelete
  19. I was on antidepressants years ago, among other mood-changing meds. Weight gain was the ultimate reason I stopped them, but once I did I noticed how much better I felt overall. I try to use things available in nature for what ails me. Besides, I find many of the meds drs prescribe create new problems that are worse than what you had in the first place. So glad to hear you were able to take control and get your life back.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Good for you, Beth! So glad you tolerated the weaning well and are feeling more like your old self.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Bravo my dear! Taking control is key...and getting your life back? Priceless.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I know how it goes being put on antidepressants for migraines -- and they got the wrong drug for me in a big way. It wasn't until after I saw a psychologist that he was able to diagnose that I really did need an antidepressant for more than the migraines, and because of his expertise could help me find the right match.

    Good for you for taking charge! Doctors intimidate me so much, and after the last couple of years of never getting any answers and just doing as I've been told to do, I think it's high time I do the same as you. Take my life back and get some REAL results, not just peter my way through on drugs. No more treating symptoms -- we're going to find the real problem and fix it.

    ReplyDelete
  23. You share this well ... and those little girls are adorable.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I applaud you Beth for telling your story and for knowing that something was not right. There are so many side effects of some of these pills. I trust that we know our bodies the most and that a doctor is prescribing but that we really have to be in tune with what is going on. I guess I feel this from having change after change of prescriptions dealing with my Severe Cataplexy, The fog you describe can be scarier than the illness, this post is a wonderful one. I am glad you are so strong....you do make a difference. hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  25. hooray for you!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. glad you're feeling better! and you're right, anti-depressants can be over-prescribed, yet they can also be life-saving for so many. sometimes it can take time to find the one that works for an individual, without disabling side effects. i, like you, would hate to discourage someone with life-threatening depression from taking a drug that could change their life for the better. that said, i hope you find a regimen that helps you fend off migraines while allowing you to feel like yourself!

    p.s. DARLING photos :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. Oh, I am so glad you are sharing this. And my jaw dropped when I got to the last bit... I was on antidepressants years ago for a long-standing mild depression. The side effects were awful at first..especially the anxiety (so strange to feel anxious with no emotional reason.. I would pace around the room, unable to do anything to calm myself down, even when I knew it was just a side effect)... but I remember quite a few times when I would be talking, and a word would come out all weird, or I couldn't find the word, or two words would mesh together, or there would be a slight hesitation before I could get the word out... and I remember being suspicious that it was a side effect of the drugs. You are the only person I have known that has had this same thing happen. So now I am convinced it was the meds! It took a while for that to go away, even after stopping the meds, but it did go away.
    Thank you. I've been wondering about that for years!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Glad you have come out on the other side of this journey! Love the images!

    ReplyDelete

**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth