September 5, 2012

living in fear.....


she said, "we call it our migraine cocktail."
then she loaded up my IV and within minutes, i was somewhat normal again.
~
in the dark hours of saturday morning, when the rest of the world was sound asleep, 
we were in the emergency room
~
hours had gone by and my medication wasn't working. i wanted desperately to rip my head off. i prayed for the pain to stop. tears ran from eyes. my heart ran a marathon in my chest.
i pleaded. i ran my fingers through my hair letting my fingernails dig into my scalp.
even the tiniest bit of relief remained at large.
~
i dialed the nurse hotline. she asked if someone could drive me to the emergency room.
my rock, my love, my world, my very sound asleep husband jumped into action.
~
the lights in the emergency room are bright and blinding. when you have a migraine, those lights literally reach down, grab your head and begin a game of volleyball with it.
~
thankfully i had a sweatshirt on. i pulled the hood down over my eyes and somehow managed to get from spot A to spot B without falling. once i was in a room, they hooked me up, drew some blood and filled my veins with relief. then i slept.
*
for the next 24 hours i lived in fear. fear that another migraine would strike and sure enough, sunday night, there it was again. although this time, my medication helped.
~
then the fear visits again. the fear that the weather, something i eat, the smell of someone's cologne or perfume, the sun, a car ride, my monthly hormones, using my computer or taking photos will cause another migraine to appear. living in fear sucks.
~
today i'm in the clear. i'm good. i've slept amazingly well the past two nights and i now have a prescription for pain medication in case i ever have another night where my medication doesn't help.
~
for all you migraine sufferers out there, i know you know. 
for those of you lucky enough to have never had to deal with the kind of pain that a migraine brings, consider yourselves blessed. truly blessed.
*



38 comments:

  1. Ugh, beth... I've been in the emergency room with a migraine.. with the aura and vomiting that sometimes go with it... and it sure does suck. Glad you've come out of it and are feeling better. I'm sure you've still got that washed out feeling, but it's a welcome reprieve from the -awful-.



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  2. It has been so incredibly damp outdoors these past few days. The barometric pressure change caused my husband to have a sinus headache... he does not get migraines but rather a lot of pressure in the sinus area. Nope, does not feel good and I'm sorry something is triggering you to not be doing well. No fun for you. Take care.

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  3. I have friends who have suffered from migraines. It's such a debilitating condition that seems to have so many triggers. Hopefully you can get some rest and get through this episode quickly.

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  4. oh beth. i am so sorry. and hoping you can find a way to beat the fear, though i understand. xoxo

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  5. So sorry to hear- the lights and the pounding head and the smells and the noise- and the nausea that goes along with it- yuck. Glad they could find something that gives you some relief. Have you thought of trying acupuncture or decompression therapy? I've heard amazing results from both... hugs to you friend- be well!

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  6. My younger son used to get them all the time between the ages of 13-19. They happen less frequently now which is a blessing (the neurologist told us that boys/men quite often outgrow them). I know from what he would go through how difficult/impossible/crippling they can be -- sometimes all at once, sometimes in stages. He would lose vision in his right eye and numbness down his right side. I was always afraid it might be a stroke. So my heart goes out to you.

    I'm so glad you got the relief you needed from the cocktail at the hospital and that you have a stronger medication if you need it. I get the living in fear. I truly do. ♥

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  7. I also am so sorry you have had to live with migraines. I have had only one and not to the extent of yours for sure, but enough that I would not want to live with them on regular bases. I hope they go away and stay far, far away. Glad you were able to get help and that sleeping husband was there to take you to the ER.

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  8. so sorry to hear this. my husband suffers migraines and i know what it's like to watch him in pain - my heart goes out to you.

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  9. Oh, dear, what an ordeal. I've only had one and I know how debilitating they can be. My stepmother used to have to take shots for them. Now she has narrowed down the culprits that trigger them and stays away. Chocolate and processed foods are two I can think of. So glad you were able to get relief. Hope they stay away!!! Thanks for sharing. Bless you.

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  10. so sorry to hear this Beth. I suffer from mild ones and rarely, so I can imagine what a major one would be like. My issue is vertigo and when one of those attacks strikes I too wish to rip my head off. The nausea and spinning often find me falling off, or out of, wherever I may be. The record so far is two days...

    Miraculous what our heads can accomplish and the torment they can also cause...

    Hope this all passes and stays gone. migraines and the fear.....

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  11. you could always call me...i have had those...and not that i have ever gone to the emergency room. but i can only imagine - you almost wait for the explosion just to stop the pain. i am so sorry.

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  12. Yes, I do know. I'm sorry you're going through this. If it helps, mine have mostly gone away as I have entered menopause.

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  13. I've never had one as bad as you but I know how bad it can hurt the eyes. I'm glad you are feeling better now and I hope you don't get another one.

    I love the photo you chose for this post. It is very calming.

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  14. Oh, Honey, so sorry you had to go through such trauma. I hope you are truly on the other side of all this yuck.
    Sending big waves of love your way. Rest well and pain free, Sweet One !

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  15. I've never had migraines, but am so sorry you have...they certainly don't sound like a happy event. Glad you got some pain relief for next time, if there is a next time.

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  16. I'm glad you're feeling better, Beth. I have migraines, too, but can usually curtail the pain with Excedrin if I catch it early enough. If not, I'm in that grip of pain that you described. I've never determined what sets mine off but can tell very quickly when one is on the horizon (my words get scrambled). I hope you have many good days between them. Maybe your medication will keep it at bay.

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  17. Oh you poor thing I am so sorry for your pain. My little girl gets migraines. I hope your medication continues to work for you.

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  18. Head pain is the absolute worst. I am so sorry you are going through this fear.

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  19. oohhh my heart goes out to you

    your words and willingness to share them ( all of them ) always inspires me <3

    what is that beautiful flower photo... art ... amazingness?

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  20. Beth I am glad to hear you are doing better. I never had a migraine but I have a family member who has them and I know how awful they can be...

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  21. OMG - I feel your pain. Monthly migraines since I was 19. I thought they would end when I went thru menopause - they didn't. Honestly, in this day and age, why can't they make something that banishes them forever? Ugh.

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  22. Oh, Beth, I hate that you went through this. My husband had severe migraines, then was in a car accident which aggravated them until he was eating BC powders like candy and they ate a hole in his stomach. The neurologist prescribed a migraine medicine, but Tom was having to take so much of it, that, even though his blood pressure wasn't high-high, the neurologist put him on Atenelol. It made such a difference that now (most of the time, anyway) he just has to pop two Excedrin at the first sign of a headache and it goes away. Most of the time. You're in my prayers, and I hope your doctors find the right prescription to help you!

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  23. I am so sorry, Beth. I simply cannot imagine and I do not take it for grant it that I do not have to deal with chronic pain or migraines..... Lately, I've wanted to take my brain out b/c it just won't stop..... Ever..... And I need it to be quiet.... But it does not paralyze me with pain...... And for that I am grateful; may you continue to have pain free days and a clear head.....

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  24. Oh sweet Beth I'm so sorry to hear what you're dealing with. Huge hugs dear Lady! By the way, love the previous posts!

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  25. (((big tender hug)))
    healing and peace
    and solutions and rest
    to dear sweet you,
    Jennifer

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  26. Dear friend...just a wee word of encouragement.....when I was in my 50's, and deep in the grip of migrains.....my doctor told by the time I was 60 it would all be over....and she was right.....for so many reasons life begins at 60.....
    Linda (at 71)

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  27. Yup. I know migraines. Heck, when my fibro is full flare, feels like a whole body migraine! Never been to the point of ER cocktail though! Thank God and knock on wood! So sorry for your suffering. Will say my prayers and cross all my extremities that you are left in peace from the migraine beast.
    Hugs

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  28. cluster variety .. had them for months on end about 15 yrs ago and thankfully not since .. my favorite was the day one hit while i was in the grocery store on/in line waiting to pay, by the time it was my turn to check out i was blind with pain and understanding the true definition of a blinding headache .. i still dont know how i got home that day.

    here's hoping yours goes away permanently

    my new torturer is vertigo .. now there's a nasty visitor

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  29. Oooh. That sounds so wretched. Hope you get them under control SOON.

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  30. I am so darned sorry you have to deal with that. It's terrible, that fear, not knowing what smells or sights to trust. And how dare they leave the lights on that bright. I'm glad you're hanging in there.

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  31. I feel so badly for you, as I understand The Migraine. Ugh, Beth. Be good to yourself because your body will feel more drained and tired than younwant it to after such a bout. I am thinking of you and hoping that one will never again be like this one. I do know that you will never let Fear get the best of you, though!

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  32. Beth to say this sounds horrible, I am sure is an understatement. I am so sorry you were hurting so badly, and I am glad you are doing better.
    xo.

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  33. Omg! Omg! I fear this for myself one day.. I get mild migraines that last for. 3 days every month...not fun. I can only imagine your pain. Hope you never have to go through that again! Xoxo

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  34. I remember the pain and the fear of the pain only too well, I remember being scared that the food I was eating would trigger a nightmare pain, I remember the eggshells, I remember it all clearly. It's just on 20 years now since they stopped, when I turned 40 they went away.....just like that.....stopped and I've never ever been so happy to lose something as I was to lose that fear...! I hope that one day Beth the pain and fear will leave you too....
    Lizzie
    xxx

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  35. ohhh, boy. so glad you finally got some relief (and i completely relate to that fear of pain coming back again...)

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  36. I haven't had a migraine like that since my 20s and I hope I never do again. So happy you're back in action (even if a little nervous about speaking in public).

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  37. Beth,I am so sad when others suffer and migraine is such a cruel, debilatating illness. I hope you are clear of them for a very long time!!
    Barbara

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  38. So sorry I am reading this late but what more could I have done than say I hope you feel better soon and this really sucks!

    I am one of the blessed who have only had one bad headache in my life that lasted about a week and I will never know what caused it. I'm guessing it was a virus since it never came back but it was frightening because doctors couldn't do much. Hope you have some relief for a long, long time!

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**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth