June 9, 2011

finding hope and hopefully making sense while doing it...


lately, my mind has been running around in what feels like a labyrinth. it's somewhat tired, but more than anything it's frustrated and lacking hope. it smiles often and wants to believe that nothing is wrong, yet an unsettling feeling has lodged itself in my mind's heart. 
~
sometimes i wonder if it's the gypsy in me that i locked away after our last move, finally busting holes in the walls that surround her, determined to come out and play again.
~
sometimes i wonder if it's because of the soft and comfortable stay-at home-mom sweater that i wore forever {which now feels scratchy and stretched out since our nest is empty} 
can't seem to find it's way to the good-will pile permanently, no matter how many times i put it there. 
~
at night, i try really hard to listen to my dreams.
the big dreams are loud enough to make me feel like i'm sleeping with a marching band, made up of only bass drums and cymbals, which leave me drained and headachy. but the little dreams, that i can hardly remember in the morning, even though they give voices to the creaks in the hardwood floors as they run around for hours just after the band finishes playing, are the ones i want to capture and hold onto and listen to for hours. even if they do only speak in whispers during the day, they sound so hopeful.
~
so today, since i have the ability to control my HOPE for everything good and different in my life, 
which unfortunately, sometimes is nothing more than a barely audible drip, 
i'm turning it on full blast, like a fire hydrant being drained.
*
"at its most basic level, the labyrinth is a metaphor for the journey to the center of your deepest self and back out into the world with a broadened understanding of who you are"


34 comments:

  1. your little gypsy girl is restless. change is sometimes desired but unsettling too... hope you can find some new direction to put her energy towards and find some peace with some things left undone or left behind...

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  2. You described what's been inside of me lately, too, and inspire me to turn my hope back on full blast. I forgot I had control of the spigot.

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  3. beth, when i was little i remember being with a best friend and so innocently looking up at the soft clouds moving across the sky...talking...laughing...hoping...imagining...enjoying how much we had in common...reading your post today i felt like that again...my thanks, my friend...
    -xok.

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  4. That you've faced and conquered the fear of sharing such intimate feelings is amazing to someone like me, and that your words are strung together so poetically is beautiful, just beautiful. I love the photo you've chosen to accompany those words.

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  5. Beautifully written! I hope your gypsy soul finds what it's looking for! :)

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  6. what a beautifully evocative post. You could be describing me apart from the mum bit, the restlessness you describe is there in me and my inner travelling freebird feels a little bit more trapped with every day i commute to the 9-5 job that pays the bills on the house we wish we could sell to buy a winnebago to travel round the world for the rest of our days on this earth. sigh. pipe dreams.

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  7. My dreams are ALWAYS huge. the ones I remember that is.

    DI

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  8. I feel like I am stuck at an in-between time too and I am just waiting for the next big thing to happen in my life...Here's to dreams coming true!!

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  9. It would seem that we are involved in our own parallel labyrinths, Lovely One, as we try to "broaden the undertsanding of who (we) are."
    And yes, that stirs the often restless gypsy heart.
    May your path come clear today, or may you just enjoy each juicy footstep.
    Much Love !

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  10. It seems like there is a lot of "restless-ness" going around lately. I read it in many other blogs and I most definitely feel it myself!! Is it something in the air??? The positions of the planets???? Or what?!?!? All I know is it's unsettling and I don't really like it!! But HOPEfully it will bring positive change to us all!!

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  11. Ditto ditto ditto. Am I clear? I have always known the gypsy in me, and the sweater that covers her is wearing thin. But where to go with that?.....

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  12. Hey Beth, love this haunting image and love that you listen to your gypsy soul ... mine is yelling at me lately resulting in weird dreams and a feeling of being unsettled. But with me it is not anything new, I know to pay attention.
    Sending you good vibes, always.

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  13. you could come to classes with me! ha!

    great shot! i love coming across these old structures. shells of what they used to be allowing your mind to wonder...

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  14. You come just short of saying you are bored. You always sound up there when you are in the middle of a challenge. You are so talented and I am betting you find something to stir the artist in you.

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  15. I can relate to the restlessness you speak of and the whispered dreams. Hoping that the marching band quietens so that you can hear them more clearly.

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  16. Don't stop listening. You're in a good place if you're unsettled. Creative people occupy it with you. Don't worry, listen and keep writing. It will all make sense eventually. xxooJenny

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  17. Beth...not sure what's going on with you, but I wish I could hug you real hard.

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  18. i'm sending you hugs, too... and hope that your "mind's heart" will find a hopeful resting place...

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  19. Maybe you've hit my restlessness on the head. I've been unable to write, to sit long enough to read posts, or even use my camera to its fullest advantage, and generally, at the end of the day, wondering what I'd accomplished that day. Maybe it is something in the air. if it is, I wish it move on!
    Oh, wait! I did do something worthwhile the day my granddaughter and her baby visited. But...that's about it. (it was glorious!)

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  20. I forgot to say, you are so poetic that I want to steal the words right out of your head!
    ~hugs~

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  21. Hey Beth, it's me ... way over here in Porto with incredibly bad internet connection ... Such powerful and descriptive images ... you continually amaze me with your photos and words! Such talent! I'd like to think that to seek and search for something "more" is what brings out the best and creative part of ourselves. Keep listening! It's within your grasp.

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  22. me talk pretty some day, too. this is so wonderfully written ~

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  23. since you are turning it on full blast, do you think a little bit of spray might make it over my way?

    hold onto that hope, it makes a difference. :)

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  24. I like the busting-out photo a lot, Beth. Listen to those small hopeful dreams - they won't lead you astray.

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  25. Capture the little dreams, and hold onto them. They are your inner whisper talking. Feel the hope and let it fill your heart and your soul.
    Bless your heart for those words, Beth

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  26. Oh..I can so relate to this feeling of the stay-at-home sweater that no longer fits quite right!! Yes - keep on hoping!!!

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  27. Beth, you write so beautifully oh my! what a talent! ... your words coming right away from the Soul and making impact on others ... many of us can relate, I think, in one way or another ... to have dreams and desires is great as long as we don't make it obssesion because then I think that we are losing the precious time we have right here right now ... but I may be wrong ... may your dreams come true and make you happy! sending lots of love!
    ps: I hope that you will find as much joy in the book (if you get it) as much as I'm ... and oh, Betsy I cannot put it down ;-)

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  28. Hi, Beth - I wrote a long comment yesterday and then blogger didn't like it so wouldn't post :( But I'm back to try again - but probably shorter this time.
    Just wanted to say that I think the empty nest thing causes a shift in our lives that has us asking questions and feeling unsettled and even a little scared. At least it did me. The transition from life where being mom is at the center to life where you're asking yourself what you want to be at the center - well, I think it's a little bumpy. Dreams help with the hard work of soul searching - so does turning hope on full blast. I love that labyrinth quote. Wishing you "traveling mercies" on this journey through the labyrinth.

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  29. Great post and thoughts, dear gypsy girl. I do get that gypsy wanderlust in my heart often and we do struggle through it, don't we? Love the comparison of the labyrinth.

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  30. restlessness alongwith hope is a beautiful thing..'cuz it pushes one on, leading to something new, bloom of ideas and creativity..keep listening..keep following :)

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  31. sigh...something in the air I think! your writing and pictures have such "soul" and hope and that "something extra"!

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**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth