i know her....

my mind

~not to mention my heart~

is achingly full. in a good way.

in a 'truly i can't believe this is my life' way. in a 'wake me up has this been a dream' way.

~

often when a new year begins, my mind won't rest. it works overtime designing a plan where the things i don't need. get tossed. and the things that remain, need to be beautified. unfortunately as honest and easy as that may sound. it rarely happens.

and

instead

it makes me feel anxious

like i have bricks tied to my feet while i'm in the middle of the ball pit at mcdonalds

~

add my germaphobic tendencies to that picture and let me just tell you. it's not pretty.

~

but

not this year. this year has had a completely different beginning. and my mind is clear.

well as clear as it probably ever will be. or ever has been.

~i am a woman after all~

~

it's as if someone else is doing the thinking for me. and maybe even the worrying.

~

i feel like

maybe

every now and then

i'm standing outside

wide-eyed

in my favorite pair of boots. looking in. my face pressed up tightly against the window while my fingerless gloved hands cradle my face. watching someone who might be me. who looks strangely like me. crooked nose and all. wondering what she's going to do next.

and

then

quietly yet suddenly

the one i've been watching

grabs my hand

and

makes me run with her

and

i realize that she's wearing the same gloves that i am

and

that we share the same breath

~

i am her

*