~not to mention my heart~
is achingly full. in a good way.
in a 'truly i can't believe this is my life' way. in a 'wake me up has this been a dream' way.
often when a new year begins, my mind won't rest. it works overtime designing a plan where the things i don't need. get tossed. and the things that remain, need to be beautified. unfortunately as honest and easy as that may sound. it rarely happens.
it makes me feel anxious
like i have bricks tied to my feet while i'm in the middle of the ball pit at mcdonalds
add my germaphobic tendencies to that picture and let me just tell you. it's not pretty.
not this year. this year has had a completely different beginning. and my mind is clear.
well as clear as it probably ever will be. or ever has been.
~i am a woman after all~
it's as if someone else is doing the thinking for me. and maybe even the worrying.
i feel like
every now and then
i'm standing outside
in my favorite pair of boots. looking in. my face pressed up tightly against the window while my fingerless gloved hands cradle my face. watching someone who might be me. who looks strangely like me. crooked nose and all. wondering what she's going to do next.
quietly yet suddenly
the one i've been watching
grabs my hand
makes me run with her
i realize that she's wearing the same gloves that i am
that we share the same breath
i am her