finding hope and hopefully making sense while doing it...

lately, my mind has been running around in what feels like a labyrinth. it's somewhat tired, but more than anything it's frustrated and lacking hope. it smiles often and wants to believe that nothing is wrong, yet an unsettling feeling has lodged itself in my mind's heart. 

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sometimes i wonder if it's the gypsy in me that i locked away after our last move, finally busting holes in the walls that surround her, determined to come out and play again.

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sometimes i wonder if it's because of the soft and comfortable stay-at home-mom sweater that i wore forever {which now feels scratchy and stretched out since our nest is empty} 

can't seem to find it's way to the good-will pile permanently, no matter how many times i put it there. 

~

at night, i try really hard to listen to my dreams.

the big dreams are loud enough to make me feel like i'm sleeping with a marching band, made up of only bass drums and cymbals, which leave me drained and headachy. but the little dreams, that i can hardly remember in the morning, even though they give voices to the creaks in the hardwood floors as they run around for hours just after the band finishes playing, are the ones i want to capture and hold onto and listen to for hours. even if they do only speak in whispers during the day, they sound so hopeful.

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so today, since i have the ability to control my HOPE for everything good and different in my life, 

which unfortunately, sometimes is nothing more than a barely audible drip, 

i'm turning it on full blast, like a fire hydrant being drained.

*

"at its most basic level, the labyrinth is a metaphor for the journey to the center of your deepest self and back out into the world with a broadened understanding of who you are"