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October 26, 2009

I don't ever want to judge...do you ?

I heard their laughter first
from across the pond
~~
then
as I approached them
they ignored me
the same way I think most adults ignore a group of kids like this
~~
kids who look like trouble
the baggie jeans with their boxers hanging out
girls who think they look tough
with their eyes smothered in thick black eye liner
smoking to look cool
and
hooded sweatshirts with the hoods up
that we often take as
"don't even think about getting too close to us"
and
so we don't
~~
I walked right up to them and asked if I could take their pictures
and
they all smiled and asked me why
~~
I told them that I love real life photography
and
that they were the best thing I had seen all day
and
everyone of those tough faces
smiled
right at me
and
their eyes sparkled
I told them that I couldn't take photos of their faces
due to the fact that a parent might not want a complete stranger
photographing their children
and
they seemed to understand
they wanted to know what they should do
and
I said just be yourselves
~~
so they laughed
and
hugged
and
kept looking over their shoulder at me
~~
one of the girls said she felt like a celebrity
and
that I was the paparazzi
coming out of nowhere to take her photo
~~
it was one of the best compliments I've ever received
when I was almost done
I told them about my jumping photos
and
their excitement was tangible
as they ran over towards me
while I walked a little closer to the pond
~~
they practiced
they laughed
they competed to see who could jump the highest
and
then they thanked me with loud voices of
"this was great"
~~
I said
thank you
for being such great kids
*
give kids like this a chance...I have a teenager close to their same ages and he wears
a black hoodie and also thought smoking made him look cool
but
he wouldn't hurt a fly and almost everyday
has a heart larger than life
~~
maybe this is why I was so comfortable in the park with these kids
who knows
~~
just remember
they're kids
who maybe have parents too busy to notice that they aren't even home from school yet
or haven't had a hug or been told "I love you" in months
or even heard
good morning...have a great day at school...got everything you need
in weeks
~~
i think all of us can make a difference
in the lives of the kids who others ignore
and
the surprising part
is the difference they can make in yours
*


68 comments:

  1. so true beth...so true! and being a teacher of kids around this age what i have learned (what they have taught me)...they just long to be 'heard', really, honestly heard with an open heart. kids keep it real. :)

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  2. so true beth...so true! and being a teacher of kids around this age what i have learned (what they have taught me)...they just long to be 'heard', really, honestly heard with an open heart. kids keep it real. :)

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  3. oh i totally loved this! my mom (beth maddaus) linked me to it and i just wanted to say it made me smile and want to go be nice to everyone today :) thanks for sharing

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  4. Wow! Love this post! So cool and so true! I will always try to remember this!!

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  5. looking past the packaging is important in lots of different ways - remembering that there is a beautiful heart inside each one of us waiting for some love and connection is a wonderful thing. thanks for the reminder this morning, beautiful one.

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  6. i couldn't agree more, Beth.

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  7. amen and blessings from a mom of a 17 year...

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  8. these photos tell so much even without the faces...so true on not judging that is what we try to teach our kids after-all, right.
    kt

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  9. beautiful Beth. really, really beautiful. and they'll remember you for a long, long time. :)

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  10. I love the pictures without the faces. This whole post reminded me of that Geico commercial where the lady keeps getting text messages saying, "I'm watching you." and when she looks down it's a girl in a hoodie frantically texting on her phone... :)

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  11. WOW...WOW...love this post! really got to me...thanks so much!!!!

    blessings,
    danielle
    www.thevintagedragonfly.typepad.com

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  12. This is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing it with us. I have been teaching for 28 years. Most of it has been with seventh grades...what a diverse group. I learned a long time ago to look past the makeup and clothes. There are some really interesting people lurking there. Would you mind if I linked this post to my school blog? I would love for my students and parents to read it. You can email me at darnold@bentonschools.org. Thanks so much. I would probably need to include one of your photos (creditied to you, of course) with that link.

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  13. Some good stuff to think about!

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  14. being nice to others is always great. both sides come away feeling they've made a difference in another person's life. this is a beautiful post. i wish more people could be this way. have a great day.

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  15. i think you're the coolest. you see people.

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  16. That is sweet... sometimes people can surprise--at all ages. :o)

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  17. So glad your heart has eyes to see the real deal ...

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  18. As always-just beautiful! I love the composition of the girl framed by the others wearing their hoods. Speaks volumes. And love the bouncing curls in the jump shot!

    Still waiting for the book...
    (smiles, smiles)

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  19. I love the one of them jumping. Looks like they had as much fun as you did.

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  20. Your series really tells a story of breaking through some tough "ice." I think the jumping, especially, shows how they grew to trust you as non-judgmental! Pat yourself on the back, Ms. Beth! Beautiful captures!

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  21. Thank you for the lesson for me to remember to trust my heart not my eyes to weigh the truth of things...and that's what I love about you...your ability to 'show' through your lens what we think but don't recognize.

    When I was sitting with the picture of the shoes, I could feel the youth and truth of the group...and then when I read the story, I thought, Holly always have the courage to seek out the thing that says, "real!"

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  22. This was a mighty tug on my heart! I worked with this age group in a mental health setting before having my own kids and you are spot on. Thanks for the reminder and your gentle words. You made them feel like they mattered and sometimes that can go a long ways.

    Beautiful work!! What a great Monday morning read :)

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  23. So important to see past their different-ness and their posturing to the real people they are. A truly delightful post, Beth!

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  24. This is incredibly inspiring, Beth. I love it. I will be more consciously aware now when I'm out and about to see beyond appearances. How incredibly smart you are with a heart of gold.

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  25. Good for you! And can I tell you affected them even more than you may realize though you saw their reactions up close and in person. As a teenager growing up in a tough neighborhood, I was labelled ghetto, and I was treated that way everywhere I went. What I wouldn't have given for someone to realize that I was just a young girl trying to survive my life.

    Love to you and that big heart of yours, mi amor.

    (((hugs))),
    me

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  26. Your words and pictures just delight me this morning. It is all so true. You are giving me courage to ask to take pictures of people I don't know. I love seeing these kids react to your kindness. What a special gift you gave them.

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  27. Beth I am so glad you had them jumping and for them to feel like celebrities. Lots of times the outside has nothing to do with the inside at all. I have known children in my life that really just needed some love and to feel important. Your precious and so are those kids. take care my friend. Great post.

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  28. what a great way to remind those kids that everybody is somebody...
    i am blessed to work with kids who get those hugs, that support, that undying attention from home, but i agree that we need to make spaces in our lives to "see" everyone. xoxo

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  29. Extraordinaire story and experience Beth. Play it forward. You have touched more than just 4 kids today..... xo

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  30. I LOVE THIS!!! i really do. it makes me feel all warn and fuzzy and you're right...we shouldn't judge because deep down inside they're all kids.

    thank you for sharing.

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  31. This is so sweet Beth.....Its nice to spend a littel time with strangers...and most of the time they welcome the opportunity to chat...etc. These kids were just excited that someone paid them some attention, someone who made them feel of some worth, which they were probably lacking! Thank you for doing this!

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  32. This is so sweet Beth.....Its nice to spend a littel time with strangers...and most of the time they welcome the opportunity to chat...etc. These kids were just excited that someone paid them some attention, someone who made them feel of some worth, which they were probably lacking! Thank you for doing this!

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  33. WAH!!! this is so fantastic that i can hardly stand it! kudos to you on being such a fabulous person, kudos to the kids on being much better than i would have expected, and kudos again to you for such killer pictures!

    WELL
    DONE!!!!!!

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  34. This is exactly why I love you. Exactly. What a blessing you are, my frie3nd.

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  35. As I told you in an email, this is probably one of your best posts in my opinion. I would've judged the heck out of them as well, I guess it's just in my nature. But look what came from just a simple question of asking to take their pictures. Bravo Beth, a lesson for all of us... xoxoxoxoxoxox

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  36. Oh Beth, this is wonderful! I loved the pictures and especially the story to go with it! Smiling from ear to ear! Lovely!

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  37. beth, you have the biggest heart and your photography is ..umm..just blows me away....sometimes to tears..you have a way, you do...thank you..
    xoxox~

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  38. beth, you have the biggest heart and your photography is ..umm..just blows me away....sometimes to tears..you have a way, you do...thank you..
    xoxox~

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  39. what a wonderful post and pictures!

    Congratulations!

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  40. this made me tear up a little!! i teach 7th graders with learning disabilities and they act so tough sometimes, but they are really just kids... i love them and this post was beautiful.

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  41. Lovely post. As the mother of 6 with one teenager (15) left at home, I know all too well never to jusde a book by its cover, or a teenager by his hoodie. part of that tough look is just to survive around other teenagers - all trying to out-cool, out-tough the other.

    You captured something beautiful. Wish i could have seen those smiling faces.

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  42. you make the world such a better place...
    like all the others here, i love this post. i love what you did. i love how you are touching the lives of so many & making us stop & think again. if only we could all take you and throw you up on our hands and carry you around to let you know just how much we adore you!


    * i am catching up again... went back home for four days... missed you! :)

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  43. I love this post Beth. I always love your phptography, but this seemed even more special. I teach in a socially deprived area and we have our fair share of 'hoodies'. But hey, most of the kids are truly wonderful young people and I love them! Thanks for your message. :-)

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  44. Fantastic post and a great reminder.

    The first pic made me smile and the last one with the boy on the right's jean's falling off cracked me up-- no pun intended :-)

    xo

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  45. you are just incredibly cool. I love this. I loved that you approached them and photographed them...and I love the photos.

    You rock Beth! you really do.

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  46. i am so with you. i love teenagers, i love giving them a chance because i am never disappointed.

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  47. Thank you for reminding me that they are still children Beth.

    I have to be honest, a lot of teenagers are getting a bad rap in the UK because of the hoodie/knife culture and to be honest, a lot of adults are afraid of todays teenagers because so many seem to have no respect for anyone or anything.

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  48. Beth, this post made me cry. And I asked myself why and wondered is it because I DO judge too quickly and I hate that about myself? Is it because I have a teenage son and know how wonderful he is no matter how he is dressed? Is it because it breaks my heart that there are so many kids needing attention but not receiving it? Is is because I have PMS? Is it because I am so proud of my sister for approaching them open mindedly and making them smile? I may never know why, but it was a beautiful post that pulled at my heart strings. Thank you.

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  49. The first photo is my favorite!

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  50. this was very touching to me Beth. I have a son who when he was in high school wore the black hoodie, baggy pants- i would almost want to cry when I would see people judge him because he had the sweetest biggest heart and would also never hurt a fly. great post!

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  51. Great story and great life lesson. I love real life photography most.

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  52. i so admire your bravery in walking up to strangers and asking if you can take their picture. i just can't bring myself to do that. but i'm very glad you can.

    xox,
    /j

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  53. This, my friend, is an amazing post in all too many ways. Not just the photos and experience, but your post script. Words for us all.

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  54. Found you through Operation NICE and I am so glad I did. Thank you for the words of wisdom and the pictures of joy. I will definitely be back.

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  55. This makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, tears well up in my eyes and my heart swell. What a lovely post and great suggestion. You are right on all accounts!

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  56. Oh my hat goes off to you for breaking that barrier!!!

    It reminds me of something my brother did a few years ago...he was on a bus with his friend at night in Vancouver, and they were thinking about how cold the city people can be with each other...within minutes they had the whole bus singing Christmas carols!

    I wish I was as courageous as you when it comes to approaching people for photos. But this story truly inspires me to take a few steps and see what connections can be made.
    Thank you!
    xo

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  57. Beautiful Story. You made their soul smile ;)

    Love it! And thanks for spreading a little joy to someone's life, especially to the readers of the story and most importantly to the kids.

    - Julia

    PS: will be reading more of your blog.

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  58. This just makes me happy!!!

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  59. Came over this way from Rices blog. I am so glad that I did. Thank you for sharing this post and these pictures. you are very, very talented both as a photographer and as a beautiful human being.

    Thank you again. I feel uplifted.

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  60. Thank you.

    Thank you for sharing your words, your photos, your experiences so that others may be inspired. I was inspired via Operation Nice.

    Thank you.

    P.S. Can I create link on my FB page to this entry?

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  61. What a slice of heaven this blog is! So glad I've found it and thanks for doing this work. I'm a mother of 3 year old twins and have seen and felt how much young people are marginalized in this culture and it is words and actions like yours that will work to change this.

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  62. Once upon a time...I was one of those kids. You have no idea what you did for them! It's bigger than you could possible know.

    Great work and right on!!

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  63. Beth -

    Great blog, great post. I try to be one of those "cool" adults, who tweens and teens I know can talk to - but I still have the problem of being judgmental of a group of them, smoking, cursing - you know, all of the things that I did when I was their age.

    Thanks for reminding me to be kind to these kids, striving for their independence and yearning to be part of the collective world!

    And what fun it is to get a group of people to jump for a photo! This post is clearly spreading joy, joy, and more joy.

    Thanks for making me feel good!
    Tara

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  64. U Rock! Your blog is like a breath of fresh air..... Ramona Hayes Kansas City, MO

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  65. I'm crying...in a good way though. Thank you for this gentle and beautiful reminder...I often need them. Really-thank you!

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  66. This post brought tears to my eyes!... Wonderful thoughts matched with wonderful photos...I wish I had the courage to take pics of strangers (even children intimidate me!)

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  67. Read about you on the Operation Nice blog. I am just amazed at this wonderful entry. Both the creativity with the photos and also with the fun and Positive approach you have taken I'm going to link you on my Think Positive blog site....we need more good energy like this in the world! Good going. Maria

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**I love reading the comments you leave, as they make me feel like we're sitting in my kitchen, having a cup of tea, discussing life and wondering where all the time has gone ...beth