raise your glass....

i wasn't chewing gum, but when i choked a bit and my face turned red, he probably thought i had just swallowed a worn out piece of cinnamon trident.
~
he had just asked me how full my photography calendar was for the summer and all i could think about were the tiny stars i had doodled all over the month of june
while i was on hold making my yearly mammogram appointment.
~
i told him it wasn't nearly full enough and he asked where i've been advertising. i quickly looked down at my feet wishing there was something near them to kick besides myself. i told him i really don't advertise and when he asked why not, i told him about my fear of letting what i love to do, what i'm so passionate about, turn into a job. a real job, that might sabotage that love.
~
he said that can only happen if you don't know how to say no. then he said, you're good enough to be advertising. with a deep breath from me that wished it had someplace to go, our original conversation
resurfaced and he was back to showing me the new camera bags that had just come into the store.
~
as i drove away, i banged my hand hard on the steering wheel and thought damn.
he's right. how am i ever going to fly, if i keep tying bags filled with self doubt,
questions and concerns,
in 36 bitter tasting flavors, to my ankles.
if i don't get rid of them, i'll be grounded for the rest of my life.
~
so here's to change.
here's to untying those bags that hold me down. that maybe hold you down, too.
raise your glass
*