after already having a little girl
and
finding myself happily pregnant a second time
i wanted a little boy
more than anything else in the world
~
i grew up with two sisters
that i fought with throughout my entire childhood
so the idea of giving my daughter
a brother
to love
seemed like such a gift
~
and
he is
truly a gift
~
but
don't get me wrong. he has not been an easy child to raise these past few years.
not even close.
the easy child trophy goes to my daughter. what a breeze she's been.
~
when our son was little
he was very agreeable to how we parented and his love for life taught us how to live.
but
by the time he reached high school. well honestly there were days i wanted to lock him out of the house and wish him luck.
~
four years of
broken hearts. tears. frustration. yelling. silence. head shaking. door slamming. grounding.
finger pointing. sleepless nights. blurry mornings.
~
and
now we are here
~
with a son who is finally on a new path. finding his way. making us laugh again. talking for hours with us. working full time.
winning back the love of a sister who didn't like him for a long time.
~
and
oh was he ever sick this past weekend
~
when your nineteen year old son needs you to be with him at urgent care
two days in a row
you know he really doesn't feel good
~
and
as i sat waiting with him. taking this photo on my phone that he didn't see.
in my mind
he was 3 years old again suffering from another asthma attack.
he was 5 and having an allergic reaction to peanuts.
he was 8 and having his head stitched up after cracking it open on the side of the pool.
he was 12 and having his finger tips
super glued back together after a firework exploded in his hand
~
after a multitude of tests. we still don't know what was wrong.
and
today he's better
~
he's actually better in so many ways
and
his love for life
which he has never lost
even when life was ugly
is still tangible
~
i can't tell you how nice it is to have our son back
*
your words speak volumes ... and I rejoice with you
ReplyDeleteYour story is my story. my son, was such a sweet baby, cute toddler, his teenage years were so rough. Now he is 23 and getting ready to go to Afghanistan, and so scared. I wish I could be there all the time for him, but I have to let him be a man. It's nice when they finally realize that they do need mom and dad for support.
ReplyDeleteohhhh seems my youngest one is half your youngest ones way...but believe me Beth, he can skip the last half...no offence. Thank you for sharing your story so open with us.
ReplyDeletebless you my friend and do enjoy your kiddos even that big already. ;-)
Hugs D.
Oh sweetie. What a road... I hope your son continues to get better (healthwise). Sounds like he has found himself in adulthood. I couldn't be a parent...
ReplyDeleteone of my brothers is in the midst of very similar issues with their only son (and the youngest) who is now 16.
ReplyDeleteglad to hear there can be a good outcome at the end of it all. hope he feels better soon!
We are all so innocent when we first have children. And then all bets are off.
ReplyDeleteI am glad things are improving for you all.
Sounds like you're coming full circle in that relationship--I'm glad for you!
ReplyDeleteAnd BTW, I LOVE my sweater AND skirt from The Painted Daisy. Saving up for another skirt soon!
*sigh* such is life. But how beautiful too...children will make us look inward and teach us more lessons then we can handle at times. But when the day is done, we can see them for who they are. And there is such beauty in that. So glad your son is well and on a good path. xoxo
ReplyDeletewow...i read this post and got chills. How many of us can relate to the trials and tribulations of parenting. Its so hard to watch our own children lose their way, but how wonderful when they find their way back. Such a beautifully written post. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post. So glad to hear he's well, on so many levels.
ReplyDeleteOh I can so relate. My sweet, angelic 3 year old grew into a bit of a demon through his teen years. Yes, they do come back.. with only remnants of the demon rearing its head from time to time. I hope your boy is well and remains so.
ReplyDeleteI have two sons and a 19-year-old girl who wasn't necessarily any easier, so I was with you all the way through that. It's tough going through it, but so worth it once you get to the other side, isn't it? Hoping your son is feeling even better by now!
ReplyDeleteSo very happy to hear he's feeling better. Love the sneaky shot! And here I was thinking he was a saint for letting you take it!
ReplyDeleteBeen thinking about you guys. Glad today brings smiles.
you are such a good mom..and it is a joy to read these words of new beginning~
ReplyDeleteI got my son back in the past two years and how wonderful it is...I'm thrilled for you, and your son. I can completely relate! :)
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, Momma Bear !
ReplyDeleteUgh!.. so glad he's feeling better today! A really bad case of food poisoning?.....
ReplyDeleteI have two sons. The younger one is 24 and we had such similar experiences with him. He's ok now, still floundering a little, but he's talking to us at least. I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet post...He will always be your baby:)
ReplyDeleteI have always felt that my parenting skills were never tested because my girls were so easy...and I am not complaining:)
So glad he is back, I am happy for you Beth...p,s, I did not think those were your legs. lol. just kidding.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written. I am so very happy for you for hanging in there. Somedays I see a glimmer of hope.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you have your "real" boy back, and happy that he is feeling better...
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, I can truly relate to this one. It's the same when my grown son is scared or unhappy or emotionally hurt - or when one of HIS babies is sick. He called when his infant son had pneumonia. He was so casual about it at first - but then I realized he didn't need me to babysit his older son, or to do laundry - he just needed me to be there. And we both cried.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear things are improving. Hope he continues feeling well.
ReplyDeletefeeling you with all my heart:)
ReplyDelete-Jennifer
Unconditional love.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful.
I'm fairly certain you get the whole I love you vs I don't like you thing.
ReplyDeleteI hear you.
I am so thrilled for how your heart must have felt sharing this joy. This sense of peace.
And those legs totally look like my son's ;)
Yes, I have been there as well, so glad to hear that he, and your relationship, are on the mend. I know how heartbreaking it can be. Sometimes they just have to find their own way.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post! Hope he is all fit again!
ReplyDeletei hope I'll get there too one day - stepmother of 16 year old boy. I don't even have the memories of a sweet child, just the reality of living with someone really difficult. In three years it should be over? I really hope so and that he finds the kind loving generous funny open young man he could be. K x
ReplyDeletei have a fried that says shake your son's hand at 15 and tell him tat you will see him in 6 years. she says that a doppleganger will take him over for those years and turn him into someone you don't know...but then your loved one returns1 sounds like yours arrived early! YAY! xoxox
ReplyDeleteWhat is is with these boys??? My 19 year old stepson (still finishing high school)just last week told us that we were "dissing" him (because we made him do one chore -- clean the bathroom that he shares with my daughter). So he moved out. Apparently living on welfare. But, he has to live his own life, right?
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to tell me, my friend. I know. I don't know if you remember, but long ago in a comment I mentioned that we had been at the place you were describing -- and finally -- around the same age, in fact, Kevin came back. And with a vengeance, seeking US out, always having something to say, sharing his life with us again. Needing us, yet not needy. It was such a gift and I always hoped -- and thought -- that gift would come to you. I'm glad it has. Many hugs of joy.
ReplyDeletewhat a beautiful story! i love that picture too. the simple and heartfelt ones are the best. so glad you have your boy back!
ReplyDeleteI've written (and said) the words "I'm so happy to have my daughter back". So happy for you and others like you who will get to say that someday too. So sad for those who won't. I know how easily it can go one way or the other and I will always be grateful that my girl and our bond survived those very difficult years.
ReplyDeletei love the photo
ReplyDeleteand the story.
perseverance furthers.
or maybe just waiting.
I have three boys and our third really put us through some tough timed but he too has turned his life around and brought us with him. It is a rich life. All of it. This was so beautifully written.....I have tears streaming down my face. Thank you....
ReplyDeletethis brought tears to my eyes. thank you for sharing this. thank you.
ReplyDeleteI am dabbing tears away right now....a beautiful story, and I know what it's like to "get em back"
ReplyDelete