I want to be...

excited

about

winter and christmas

but

I'm not

and

if I'm going to be honest with myself

and

all of you reading this

the "joy to the world" season

has never been a favorite of mine

~~

I'm not sure when it happened

but

something did

quite a long time ago

~~

the people pushing and the exhausted kids crying and the adults complaining

all while trying to buy gifts for those they love

upsets me

~~

something in it is missing for me

and

I wish I could put an exact finger on it

but

I can't

~~

I don't love

decorating a christmas tree

or

baking cookies

or

finding the perfect wrapping paper

~~

when the kids were little and christmas was seen through their eyes

~the big trees~

~the lights~

~presents from santa~

it filled my heart

~~

but that was years ago

and

now christmas feels like an obligation of sorts

and

I don't want it to feel that way

~~

I'm going to make a promise to myself this year

that next year will be different

~~

next year I want to give only to the families on the giving tree

and

spend the day with my family

serving meals at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen

~~

yep

I think next year is going to be my year

*

am I alone here

does anyone else have similar feelings

?