I've been feeling fragile lately and I'm not really sure why
~
I'm not sure if it's the pain in my shoulder
and the fact that my physical therapist
stressed the words "a long time before you feel better" to me
at my last visit
or
the fact that winter has gotten to me again
and
I feel suffocated by the walls of antartica that surround me
or
the fact that when I go into the studio
I stand there
and
look around
and feel completely
lost
without any motivation to pick up a paint brush
or
pencils or crayons or scissors or paper or glue
~
instead I feel like the barn above
with thoughts
that at any moment
one of the support beams could be touched in just the wrong way
and
just like the barn
I would tumble down into a million little pieces
~
so I'm waiting
~
I'm wating for something different
a change
a sign
anything to let me walk in a different direction
with the sun on my face
shoulders back
head up
and
a new attitude
~
wait for it with me
will you
?
it will come
Hey Baby ... you know, it IS winter, this is when all the seeds go underground, tuck themselves in, snore and slobber ... give yourself a wee breakie and do the same ... walk when you want to walk, drink tea, listen to music, take pictures, the studio doesn't go away (this you know) and ideas always regenerate/return, usually causing you to JUMP like in your photos earlier this autumn ... you're ok. It's OK to be fragile and rickety and tumble-down and uninspired. Walk through it, no judgment. I got your back and I'm sure a few hordes of other friends, blog readers, etc., do also! CUZ WE LOVE YOU!
ReplyDeleteiam waiting with you with my yellow uggs on..i feel that way alot and wait unpatiently until something sparks....xo
ReplyDeleteOh, I hate being in that place. But, it happens to us all - especially on these cold dark days. The best advice I've received for this is to just BE. Be in this moment and really feel what you're feeling - even if it's just cold.
ReplyDeleteHi Beth~ The days are always darkest before the light (or something like that). It's ok to feel what you're feeling- creativity ebbs and flows. This too will pass and soon you will be feeling like yourself again. Take care!!!
ReplyDeleteHugs~
Patti
Sometimes you just need to hunker down in the quiet and wait for whatever is germinating to break through. You can't hurry it, but you can't stop it either. You can divert it, but once that creative creek rises the water's gotta flow one place or another.
ReplyDeleteit will get better. just keep your face turned up, waiting for the bright warm light of the sun.... and when it hits your face it will be like a million wishes granted all at once... glorious music will play, and like a drop of water in the ocean, your happiness will ripple out to us all... meanwhile, i am pulling up a chair beside you!
ReplyDeletexoxox
and just to let you know.... my word verification? mentaxi what is that????
What a beautiful post... the photograph and your banner are such lovely examples of how you see the world. The open door is waiting... roxanne
ReplyDeleteam sitting and waiting right there with you...maybe while we wait we can find animals in the clouds, and count icicles together. :) xx s
ReplyDeleteOh, Beth -- we are in the same place -- I can almost reach out and feel you standing beside me, holding hands to get through the murk of uncertainty, interminable waiting, unknowns ahead -- with every snowbank turning into a glacier. Fragile -- yes, I'm there with you for all the same reasons (plus Greg's stuff) and unable to focus on the art projects due in a week, the book I'm making Rick for Valentine's day, just anything. I'm waiting with you for that sign to come -- for both of us.
ReplyDeletei'll bring the marshmallows and we can have a bonfire and hot cocoa and say "HA!" to the snow. i'm right there with ya sister...linda
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, winter is getting to you, isn't it? Ugh. Wish you were here so you could paint with us this weekend - I feel sure I could pull you out of your funk :-)
ReplyDeleteI *love* this photo btw.
Miss you, xoxoxox
I am reading these backward as I am a bit behind. It makes me happy, happy to know that this post is already well behind you. You got that change and that sign you were waiting for, and I couldn't be happier.
ReplyDelete