sometimes...

sometimes

I want to fly away into the soft blue sky for a day or two

and

come back only when I'm ready

sometimes

I want to spin around in circles fast enough to dislodge all those bad thoughts that for whatever reason

want to live in my mind

in order to make room for all the good ones trying to visit

sometimes

I want to hang upside down so I can see the world with a new set of eyes

while laughing until my stomach hurts

and

then fall to the ground and do it all over again

and

sometimes when there's a chill in the air

I just want to wrap myself up

and

sit and wonder

and

appreciate the life that I'm living

while telling myself

"you're okay"

*
{these are some of the other photos from the impromptu photo shoot I did in the park...remember the post of wanting to be six years old again...yep, that one...anyhow, recently on shutter sisters there was a discussion about "what's your style" and I hated that I didn't have one....I mean who doesn't want to have "a style" right ?

I love to shoot people, nature, houses...it doesn't really matter as I like a little bit of everything for right now...BUT it was pointed out to me by one of my most favorite people in the world that I make my photos soft in the middle and blurry around the edges and I was like...

"that's it...she's right...that's my style"

and

then I kissed my daughter and thanked her for noticing}

I know I know I know...

it's spc wednesday

and

"I GOT NOTHING"

new

~~~~~

my creativity level sank this week

even though

the comments about my photos last week

kept me floating on air for days and days

~~~

"thank you"

EVERYONE

for the kind and wonderful words you showered me with

~~~

so this week

with the self timer not on and my camera in it's bag

I went through my archives and found this picture

which I'm sure I've used before

but

completely shows an emotion I wanted to share

~~~

this is me at the beach

in my favorite spot

seaside

florida

with a cold wave washing up my back

and

I'm happy

~~

actually

more than happy

~~~~~

ecstatic~delirious~carefree~euphoric~blissful~lighthearted~overjoyed~thrilled

yep

something exactly like that

~~

so

like a handful of wild flowers

go ahead

pick one for yourself

and

have a wednesday filled with just a little bit more happiness than you had intended

*

{and yes...of course...I did a little processing/editing on my photo}

discovering my photography limitations...

sometimes when the subject in front of me

is amazingly beautiful

and

doesn't feel threatened

when I gently and slowly walk closer

while

carrying my jaw that wants to keep falling on the ground

because that's what happens to me when I'm completely in awe of something

I freeze and my heart stops

and

my ability to focus and be the photographer I want to be

gets all tangled up in just wanting to live in the moment

and

I have to take a deep breath with my shoulders back

and

breathe out and release the tightened muscles in my neck

and

try once again to bring the camera up to my face so that maybe this time I can focus with my eyes

instead of my heart

~~~~~

{these sandhill cranes literally take my breath away when I see them at the pond...in these shots I am only about 15 feet away from them and they're as tall as I am. this is the female, as the male stands still and off to the side whenever I get close, in a protective mode, and just watches me while he lets her walk around and eat}

I'll have what she's having...

she sat motionless

mesmerized by the grey rain
~~

slowly she reached out with just the tip of the pen she held in her hand

to trace the lines of the dancing drops

as they fell slowly down the window pane

and

with the music playing for her ears only

her head filled with thoughts of the future

while

her heart held tight to the memories of the past

~~~

she was feeling vulnerable for some reason

wondering why the lyrics sung by martina mcbride

"hold on tight to what you feel inside"

wouldn't leave her mind

~~

gently she reached up to touch her memory filled heart

{that just recently had started to feel like it might burst at the seams}

and

searched for any extra room that might still be there

and

when the memories confirmed they weren't going anywhere

she thought to herself

"how do we ever decide what we keep in our hearts and what we don't?"

~~~

and

that was the day she decided she was going to start being

a whole lot more picky

~~~~~

~~~~

in case you're wondering, I often wake up in the morning with words and thoughts like these pouring out of me...usually if i have a watched a movie right before bed. the other night we

watched "yes man" and even though it's not going to win any awards, it delivered a message that obviously stayed with me.

I'm just trying to catch my breath...

because

out of the hundreds I've taken

in the cottage woods

~~~

this one took it away

*

who are you and what did you do with beth ?

remember

she's the girl who likes to process all her photos before she posts them

and
talks about that editing crap all the time
?

STOP
I'm right here
proud to be a member
{at least at the moment}
of
SOOC
that's right
straight out of the camera
~~
AND
here's something totally cool
LOOK
on that flower photo above
can you see the green bug
?
oh
that is SO one of the little things that makes me smile for hours

and
this shot, like the last one
with my camera on the ground and no expectations
and the photos
only to be looked at once I get home
~pure love and happiness~
try it sometime
I promise you'll love it and you'll start shooting all the time from ankle level
and
just so you know what's been going on in this head of mine
I
actually plan on starting something soon called
ankle biters
a simple blogging group or a day of the week or a flickr group
something
so please stay tuned a bit longer
while I play around with this new idea of mine

and
at the pond
the old flumey cattail furry things look like this
and ...ummm...
they're a little interesting don't you think
?
don't go there, even though I know you just did, because I did
too

and while at the pond
I really like the red winged black birds best
but
this guy was determined to pose for me
so I let him

and
who knows what these amazing flowers are
?
I'm totally in love with them and feel slightly stupid not having any idea what they even are
~~~~~
and
wow
who knew
?
posting without editing is done in record time
and
now I have time to actually look at my hubby with my whole body
while facing him
~~
he might not even recognize me since he's so used to only seeing one side of my face while I stare for hours into the computer screen
~~
uh oh
I see a night of lovin coming my way
*

can you even imagine ?

come with me

let me show you what I covet

and

see if you can feel the love left in the remains

the drooping and crumbling front porch roof will soon be just a memory

the glass panes in the windows and doors

surrendered years ago

baseboards and moldings still carry a shade of blue~green that only love could have colored

walls have been torn apart randomly as if someone was looking for something

and

in the kitchen stood

this beautiful cabinet

and

I shrug my shoulders

and wonder

why

?

~~~~~

here I go again with another adventure slightly into and around an amazing house not too far from us. it's the same house I found this winter, but with the blowing snow I couldn't get close enough to really see it...do you remember ?

anyhow

this time, after reading the bold yellow posted signs that said "keep out" on the fence, we kept walking towards it...with hurried steps.

john was with me and we laughed at ourselves wondering just how quickly the authorities could get there if indeed someone "called us in"

and

with a little mischievous smile on my face

and an immediate attitude of "I'm on a mission"

all he said was "shoot fast"

~~

the house was big and amazing with old steps outside leading down into a cellar that was even too scary for me...this time

~~

there was a huge empty well that went to no man's land, that I could have fallen into since I had my camera glued to my face and wasn't paying attention to where I was walking, but I didn't

{thanks hubby}

~~

and on a little side porch off the kitchen where I stood to take some of the inside photos, had a falling roof on posts that weren't attached to anything, that once again, hubby being on the look out for my safety, pointed out how unstable it looked and suggested that I might not want to stand there very long, because with my luck, today would be the day it would decide to cave all the way in, so I moved.....sometimes he's such a weenie

~~

but I love him for accepting the rebel side of me and following me into the places that in his rule book say "off limits"

~~

so once again I feel this need to find, document and photograph these houses

~~

I don't know what is, but I swear they call my name

*

straight out of the camera...

it's wednesday again

which means these photos are for misty's self portrait challenge

~~~

I tried to be creative

yet I wanted my emotions to be seen

and

maybe even felt

~~~

lately my emotions have been taking me places I don't want to go

making me feel things I don't want to feel

showing up when they haven't been welcomed

and

just generally being hard to live with

~~~

I've always given credit to myself for being an emotional person

with

my heart on my sleeve

for the world to see

but

when those negative emotions start to turn on you

it's hard to like them

or

be proud of them

so I'm working on putting them where they belong

I fight with them

they win

I win

we go round and round

I walk out

they come running after me

but overall

I brush them aside and laugh at them

because that's just how I am

~~~

it's not worth the energy

to fight off

the blackness they want to blanket me in

~~~

although

they did force me take my photos in our unfinished basement

thinking it was the only way you could feel what I was trying to describe

~sneaky little things~

~~~

but

in doing so I ended up laughing at myself

because that's just how I am

~~~

I'm just not serious for more than a few hours

I never have been

and
I have tons of smile lines around my eyes to prove it
*

really, it's just the little things...

I'm a pretty happy girl

~~~

honestly there really isn't much of anything that gets me down and if something sneaks in there to make me pout a little, it certainly doesn't last for any length of time

~~~

I've been that way, I think, forever

{right mom}

?

and

it's all due to the little things in life

~~~

I don't wait for the big things to come along and blow me away

nope

not at all

I just see the little things every day

gather them up

and

fill up my

"feel good basket"

~~~

I'm happy

over a great tasting potato chip

when I take 100 pictures and only one turns out

when the sky is filled with stars

spending an hour in a book store

eating a perfect strawberry

when a candle burns perfectly

watching a movie I've already seen

talking on the phone to a wonderful friend

when it's "american idol" night

walking through a marsh

smelling fresh baked cookies

dancing in front of my kids to the music they love

putting up little white lights on anything

laughing at a joke that nobody else gets

when I make my husband laugh

when the sun is making shadows

talking to a new mom about her newborn

when my piggies are painted

laying in bed in the morning wondering if I'm still dreaming a little

folding clean towels

talking to a stranger

wearing jewelry made by my friends

listening to those who need me to listen

when someone else cleans up the kitchen

hearing my favorite song playing in the background when I'm shopping

blog surfing for hours

visiting the guys in the camera store and learning something new

climbing into my bed at night

reading a great book

turning around on a highway to check on an elderly couple whose car is stopped

walking around anthropologie soaking in all the pure yumminess

and

when I find a pair of jeans that sit on my hips

like they were made just for me

and

they make my butt look cute

well

then

I.AM.OVER.THE.MOON

~~~

and

that happiness can last for weeks and weeks

*

just a rainy day...

I watched the rain drizzle and trickle down

the windows yesterday

while I sat in my black sweats

drinking tea

and

eating pretzels

other artists I know

spend rainy days in their studios

playing with paint and paper and canvas and brushes

and glue and inks and stamps and spray bottles and magazine pages

and markers and stencils

~~

I know this

because

I used to be one of those artists

but

I don't see her very often anymore

instead that artist now plays with her camera

and

all the buttons on her camera

~~

and

then when she gets home

she plays with

layers and color and cropping and contrast and exposure

and

it tends to be a sickness of her's

...

an addiction

but it also makes her

really

really

happy

*
{the "be brave" layer I used is from swirly girl...she offered them to us as buttons...but I don't know what to do with a button, so I made a layer instead...thanks christine}

because he loves me...

at christmas time

one of my favorite gifts

from my favorite boy

was a handmade book of coupons

and

yesterday

I used the one that said

"good for a 2 hour practice shoot on me"

and

since he's going to be a senior next year

and

I plan on taking all his senior photos

and

hopefully some of his friends

too

and

since the morning sky was perfect

that's exactly what I did
~~
but
photo shoot or not
I had a blast with this
favorite boy
of
mine
*
{I got carried away on the softening program
when I was editing
and now some of my photos look blurry
arrghhh...I should have left well enough alone~I guess that's why he called it a practice shoot}

and I still can't do it...

how can I describe to you how living feathery creatures

on a warm sunny day

doing what they do best

wake up every single cell in my body

?

how can I tell you that sandhill cranes
who now live a few miles away from me
just down the road
practically
made me the happiest I've been in months
?

how can I tell you that watching these amazing birds
not watching me
and
letting me get really close to them
filled my soul with a new life
?

how can I tell you about how this furry little guy
with a strange tail
was almost stepped on as he waited patiently for me
to get out of his way
?

how can I tell you about all the turtles
sunning themselves on their own little beaches
and
diving deep into the lake
when I annoyed them just a few too many times
made me giggle
?

how can I tell you about this heron
who used to be my most favorite
until the sandhill cranes stole the show
continued to pose perfectly for me
?

and
how can I tell you about all the ducks and the geese
who litter the lake with their voices and feathers
told me how I could come back anytime and visit
?
~~~
once again
I just don't think I can tell you
but
I can show you
~~~
so
as soon as we're done with our hike in the woods
{for those of you who said you would}
we'll head over to this neighborhood lake
and
watch all the wonder that unfolds there
~~
what do you think
are you in
?

I just can't do this....

I can't tell you how blue the sky was yesterday

or

how tall the trees seemed

or

how the sun warmed my bones

I can't tell you how the budding tree in the cottage's front yard

was playing a tune called

"the millions of bees"

opera

I can't tell you how dreamy the wild flowers were

growing up from under

tumbled over

moss covered

termite eaten

tree trunks

I can't tell you how tender and gentle

the water cress looked as it blanketed

the little creek

I can't tell you the shade of purple these wild flowers were
as humans have never been able to duplicate it
so there's no name for it

I can't tell you how fun it was to hike up
this dry creek bed
with nothing to walk on but
moss covered rocks and flimsy tree trunks

and
I can't tell you how cool I think mother nature
is for creating
spongey fungus
~~
but I can try to show you
~~
unless you'd rather just come with me next time
?