April 27, 2013

i eat words for breakfast.....

i don't care if the world is comprised of millions of people. i want you. end of story.
suffering is pain that feels yet unheard and unloved. 
healing is pain that feels loved and listened to. 
mary armstrong
no one can change a person, but a person can be the reason someone changes.
well, that was a shit idea.
legend say, when you can't sleep at night, you're awake in someone else's dream.
it's just a bad day. not a bad life.
stop the glorification of busy.
i may not be there yet, but i'm closer than i was yesterday.
be a lamp, a lifeboat or a ladder.
happy weekend everyone. 
i hope it's filled with quotes, love and laughter.

April 25, 2013

how about you.....

could you use a wish right now, too?

April 23, 2013

well, not blank blank.....

i've got nothing. i'm sitting here staring at my computer and my mind is blank. well, it's not blank blank. technically i believe it's impossible for a woman's brain to ever be blank, but you know what i mean. normally under these circumstances, once i bring up a few photos, my stubborn uninspired brain starts running around like a child hyped up on sugar, but this morning, nothing. well, nothing of importance.

let's see. did you know... that for the most part i hate commercials and think most of them are stupid and too loud. that i make my own chicken marinade and salad dressing. that the prepackaged chopped asian salad from walmart is my new all-time favorite salad to make for dinner {with the addition of grilled chicken breasts} and the only reason i will go to walmart. that i'm a target snob. that i am hooked on "the following" and now "hannibal." that my hubby hates both of those shows. that i took the screen protector off of my iphone which means without question, i will now drop it and scratch it. that my hubby brought me flowers last week and because i'm a green thumb freak and take care of everything plant related like they're babies, that they are still alive and beautiful. that my hubby never brings me flowers and that i love that he did. that working at our local food pantry {in which i work in the clothing center} makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. that we haven't seen any good movies lately and that makes me sad and that i'm overdue for a vacation? 

April 19, 2013

for the weekend.....

* i'm in love with lightly salted roasted edamame.

* i love reading these little stories. they make me happy, sad and grateful.

* yet another blog post regarding how we write about our so called perfect lives. nobody's perfect.

* holy cow. i want love everything in this etsy shop.

* i like what i see here and here. beautiful photos are so inspirational to me.

i hope that this weekend you are fearless and that your days are filled with love, happiness and family. don't be afraid to be you. don't be afraid to say what you think. believe in what you believe in and please, do what you love to do. oh, and dance. make sure you dance. even if you don't love to dance, do it anyway. i promise it will make you smile...and those dancing with you will smile and then they'll laugh and fall in love with you all over again. oh, and if you don't want your photo taken, close your eyes. your photo will still be taken, but you won't see it happen.

April 18, 2013

today, just love and innocence.....

she's thee months old now and weighs ten and a half pounds. most of her weight is in her crazy, lovable, rambunctious, silly, curious and loyal heart. our vet says she's beautiful and thinks she is the most precious specimen he's ever seen {yep, that's what he calls her having never seem a mixture of boxer, lab and miniature dachshund} i have to tell you, our son is doing an amazing job with her. she listens, obeys and is potty trained and has turned his already patient and lovable self into an amazing dog owner. i'm not sure who has learned the most about life from the love they share. i think it's a pretty equal match.

the only thing you have to be careful about when you're around her, is turning to mush. she has a way of doing that with everyone she comes in contact with. oh, she also has a way of jumping up into your face and licking it faster than anything i've ever seen before, while possibly getting an ear nibble.

what is it about puppies? 
i mean really, think about it, and now add babies.
simply the best. right?

April 16, 2013


yesterday's tragedy has left behind incredible pain and once again, disbelief.
my prayers and thoughts go out to the families who lost loved ones and to the survivors whose lives have been changed forever.

April 14, 2013

peep peep peep.....

oh my gosh, feathery love everywhere...including ankles and feet.
i'm so happy my sister has new baby chicks. i was really getting tired of taking landscape photos.
the white ones will grow up to look like this. oh man, are they going to be great or what?

April 12, 2013

what is enough.....

if you died tomorrow, have you been enough. have you seen enough. have you loved enough. have you trusted enough. if you died tomorrow, have you cried enough. have you enjoyed enough. have you felt enough. have you listened enough. if you died tomorrow, have you grown enough. have you given enough. have you taken enough. have you danced enough. if you died tomorrow, have you rested enough. have you played enough. have you quit enough. have you sung enough. if you died tomorrow, have you hugged enough. have you wondered enough. have you wandered enough, have you eaten enough. 
if you died tomorrow, have you lived enough.
this is not to be anything except the thoughts that crossed my mind when i heard the very last line. the tv was on and i was in the other room and these words were the only thing i heard through a whole lot of blah, blah, blah. i had nothing planned for today's post, so this is what poured out of me. you can add your own if you wish.

April 10, 2013

you can do it.....

"don't settle. don't finish crappy books. 
if you don't like the menu, leave the restaurant. if you're not on the right path, get off it."
chris brogan

"never lie to someone who trusts you. never trust someone who lies to you"
i'd like to add, "if you're not happy, talk to the manager. don't feel guilty if you spend an afternoon doing nothing. unfortunately, there's so many other things to feel guilty about. i'm not perfect, so quit wasting your time thinking that i am. don't raise your voice unless absolutely necessary, like in the case of a fire, otherwise, you've left a scar that will last a lifetime. feeling wanted, sexually and emotionally, is the best feeling in the world. you might want to rethink things if you just went, "huh?" compliment your loved ones. even the teeniest and simplest compliments tend to ward off the feeling of being taken for granted. put your phone away. studies have shown you can live without it. you will get in the wrong line at the cash register, so prove to yourself that this is not something to cause you to have a bad day and practice patience...but when the woman in front of you decides to write a check and doesn't even pull out her checkbook until everything has been rung up, then you can go ballistic. kiss your lover passionately at least once a day. pecks are what chickens do and you are worth so much more than that. have your beliefs and opinions, but don't expect everyone to agree with them or understand them. that's why we have words like beliefs and opinions...and facts. be "on fire" and amaze yourself, even if it only involves solving the puzzles on wheel of fortune before everyone else does. know things about yourself and be proud of those things. don't apologize for being you. unless you're always late. don't be late. ever. 

want to play along? 
tell me your own self proclaimed words of wisdom

April 9, 2013

the village, turkeys and a million dollars.....

i can't thank or applaud you enough
they say "it takes a village" and i am blessed to have all of you as part of my village. sharing with me, in my previous post, your stories, your struggles, your triumphs and your decisions regarding antidepressants was beyond wonderful. i truly wish we could have all been together in a room swimming with old vintage couches and down filled pillows while we filled our hearts with each others warmth and strength, but until that day comes (and it will) this was as good as it gets.

yesterday was finally warm. well, warm enough to be outside taking photos without wearing a winter coat. the problem was, i didn't  really know what i wanted to take photos of. so off i went to "my pond" for inspiration, only to find the walking trail barricaded due to "high water." arghh. 

a bit defeated, i set off in another direction where i ended up coming across a field full of wild turkeys. as i slowed down, two idiot turkeys were trying to cross the road...as if the grass was greener over there...anyway, one of the idiot skittish turkeys couldn't figure out what to do, as his partner flew up and over the front of my car. have you seen a turkey fly? funny stuff there. as he ran back and forth from side to side, i grabbed my camera, while panicking about the possibility of traffic coming up behind me and me being in total la-la land with my camera that i wouldn't see them and get hit from behind. good thing i'm so incredibly brave. snort. anyhow, idiot turkey number two spazzed out in the field next to my car for 1.1 second before he, too flew away {still so funny to watch} leaving me with these two shots.

these will make you happy. or sad. or filled with warmth and joy. i love it when i find, usually via other  blogs, things that make all my blog surfing hours feel like anything but a waste of time. seriously though, it's worth your time to read them. honest.

i came across some funny questions on tumblr the other day, that i read out loud to my hubby and our daughter and they rolled their eyes at me and laughed. i decided maybe i could/should ask them here: 
1. what's the first thing you wash after you jump in the shower? 
2. one million dollars will be paid to you if you spend the entire night in a haunted house. would you do it?
there were fifty questions all together, but some of them were weird {like the ones above aren't} and i thought you might have fun answering them.

April 6, 2013

weaned and wonderful.....

well, it's done. the anti-depressants are out of my system.
surprisingly, the weaning process was quick and relatively uneventful. i followed my doctor's orders, prepared myself for the worst {based on what i had read} and then took one giant leap for mankind. well, maybe that's a bit over the top compared to walking on the moon, but it felt {and continues to feel} that extraordinary.

what i hadn't realized until a couple of months ago, was the fog that my antidepressant had put me in. it wasn't always the same strength of fog, but it was always there. sometimes it would hover and thicken, requiring me to turn on, for lack of a better description, my internal fog lights. my inner weatherman would come out and announce visibility as being significantly low. proceed with caution...and concentrate hard on everything.

to counter act those feelings, i started drinking caffeinated anything again and plenty of it. i had been caffeine free for a number of years {okay fine, i still had an occasional diet pepsi} priding myself on that feat and making my ob/gyn very happy, but found that i now needed it. i needed it to feel less foggy and to prevent midday headaches and dizziness. so i played a game. a drug for this, caffeine for that and prayers that the tingling sensation at the base of my nose, near my eyes, wouldn't show up in the afternoon making me want to close up the game board and send all the little pieces flying.

as i continued to take my medication, as i continued to consume caffeine, as i continued to live in a fog, i continued to tell myself, "this isn't right. this isn't me. this isn't how i want to live." i got to the point where i knew that my migraines, the reason i was on antidepressants to begin with, weren't as bad or as agonizing as the daily fog that took me hostage everyday. i knew it was time to take my life back.

one of the side effects that i noticed the most, while living and breathing and talking in my self induced fog, was my inability to speak quickly. actually it wasn't always speed, but so often i was at a loss for the word or words i wanted to use next in a sentence, or i would mix up words and it was as if those words were all were running around together on my tongue and i was never quite sure if the right one would step forward at the appropriate time. it was similar to talking in tongue twisters, but way too often and not in a fun competitive way.

i know that for some people antidepressants are a lifesaver and that they truly couldn't function without being on them. i understand that completely and i applaud those people for being able to talk openly about their medications and share the fact that they suffer from depression. to all of you who have sent me private emails regarding your depression stories and talking about your depression medication, i can't thank you enough for sharing everything you have with me.

as timing would have it, i learned something on dr. oz earlier this week, that was very disturbing to me. the number of people like myself, who have been prescribed an antidepressant as a possible quick fix to another problem, is huge. for some it's anxiety, for some it's migraines, for others it's for weight loss....and the list goes on. this is a medication that the doctors are outraged about in regards to how quickly it's being given out by primary care physicians, who know that the "side effect" to any given antidepressant might help cure your issues, even though the drug is intended for depression. they stressed that the knowledge of antidepressants {and the distribution of them} is and should only be in the hands of those who know the true pharmacology of these drugs...psychologists. 

i know everyone has their own story and that we're all so different from one another, so all i'm doing here is sharing mine. this is the only platform i have and if with what i have opened up about, i help even one person make a change, google their medication, talk more thoroughly with their doctor in regards to their medication and in the long run, feel better than they do today, than i have succeeded. 

April 3, 2013

patience, procrastination, perseverance and people.....

today's the third of april and crap, what?
near the end of march, i had dreams of prettying up this space with a new template and banner that would be unveiled on the first of april. i failed. i'm not beating myself up or anything over it, it's just that sometimes procrastination can find its way inside me and run amuck like an ugly virus. time to kick that shit to the curb. spring is here and i want to take my coat off, spread my arms wide and accomplish something, even if it's something relatively tiny and blog related.
we are so proud of our son. a class he was taking at school was frustrating him due to the lack of presence and attentiveness from the instructor. after his letters to the dean and a conversation including other kids in the class, the school has made a change. a huge change. we are so incredibly proud to know that our son will and can stand up for what he believes in, for what he knows is right...and wrong...and for the fact that he didn't give up. we are also incredibly pleased with his school, for listening to the students and making a change that was so incredibly needed.
we are also so incredibly proud of our daughter. with a major life change, resembling having a rug pulled out from underneath her with enough force to make the ground below her feel harder than concrete and sharper than glass, she is standing tall. her shoulders are back, her smile and laughter endearing as ever and her quick wit is beating us to the punch every time. the world needs to get ready for this brunette bombshell. this girl is on fire.
did i tell you i'm volunteering at our local food pantry and that my heart is all warm inside knowing i'm helping to do something that actually makes a difference in the lives of those who live right around me? well, i am and it does.
today i have a lunch date with my hubby. maybe i'll put on heels and a trench coat and surprise him.